Send in the (Creepy) Clowns

I analyze the spate of recent creepy clown sightings, try to figure out what’s going on, and make some predictions.


It started about a month and a half ago when residents of Greenville, SC first saw clowns attempting to lure children into the woods.

Recently, a car full of allegedly armed clowns was spotted driving through a university in Pennsylvania.

At least ten states have spotted these terrifying clowns. If you google “creepy clowns” you will find a multitude of clown sightings across the country, including a brand new sighting in Syracuse, New York, my home town.

The creepy clowns have been seen near schools, on street corners, on top of hearses, and in some cases they were reportedly holding weapons.

Tyler Carpenter of Phillipsburg, New Jersey, claims to have been chased by a clown with a catana-like sword in broad daylight. According to Tyler, the clown yelled “I’m gonna get ya!” while Tyler ran as fast as he could towards home.  Also, in Phillips Park, New Jersey, three clowns came out of the woods and chased a child.  Another boy in Columbus, Ohio reported a clown chasing him with a knife.

In a nutshell, what seems to be happening is this: a creepy clown is spotted, he does something like offer money or candy in order to lure children (or chases a child with a knife), and then disappears. OR, an adult spots a creepy clown (or a group of clowns) doing something strange or unusual, the adult calls the police, and then the clown disappears before the cops can find the clown.

So far, it’s been mostly just creepy, non-life-threatening clown encounters of the third kind. However, there was a fatal stabbing of a 16 year old boy in Reading, PA after someone wearing a clown mask may have provoked a confrontation.  But the authorities are still sorting through what happened, and it’s unclear who had the clown mask on and when.

But the important thing is that a clown mask was involved.

Additionally, there are recent news reports that some of these sightings may, in fact, just be hoaxes or the accounts of children with over-active imaginations.

So what the heck is going on here?

Here are my theories:

  1. This is all a big practical joke that is spreading across the country. Bored teenagers or older men with issues (sorry guys) are getting a rise out of all the attention, and they are attempting to scare people for kicks. OR, kids are just telling lies about clown sightings to get attention.
  2. This is some kind of documentary or social experiment involving clowns, fear, and societal response. I just learned that they are remaking the movie “It” to be released in 2017. Those of us who remember the 1990 version are still afraid of demonic clowns, especially in street gutters.  Maybe this is a huge publicity stunt.
  3. Less likely but still worth noting is my version of a Clown Conspiracy Theory: creepy clowns could actually start doing worse things to children (kidnappings or school shootings, for example). There could be something more serious going on: possibly some Satanic cult or some faction of bad people coming together to do something planned and insidious.

Here are some predictions:

  1. Very soon we will start hearing reports of these creepy clowns getting the sh*%$#@ beat out of them, shot at, or run down with cars. Creepy clownsters better beware: people are afraid of you and will feel entitled to shoot you or beat you to a pulp to protect the ones they love.
  2. I believe, due to all the media attention, this epidemic will continue to spread for awhile, especially since Halloween is fast approaching, and then eventually die out.
  3. It could (possibly, but unlikely) lead to something more serious down the road;   something coordinated, like the kidnapping of children, or various shooting sprees in designated areas.
  4. Finally- normal, nice guys that dress up like clowns (think the Circus, or St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital) will start to get harassed.

If I had to boil it all down to my best guess, it’s either a. a few kids or older men with issues that think it’s cool to scare people, or b. it has something to do with the new “It” movie coming out. I’ll even add in a c.  it’s societal panic that is overblown and built on false allegations and misunderstandings.

Whatever happens, I believe the creepy clown epidemic will abruptly resolve in the near future, once the clowns start getting shot at.

So send in those (creepy) clowns and line them up in a row, because the rest of normal society is very terrified and unhappy right now. Don’t be surprised if people start taking matters into their own hands.


( I used parts of this story  for this post, as well as the rest of the Internet.)


One thought on “Send in the (Creepy) Clowns

  1. Hannah

    I agree that it’s probably a hoax, quite probably perpetrated by Stephen King fans who are excited about the new movie. Unfortunately for the clowns, you’re also correct about people’s growing fear. I know if I catch some clown trying to lure my kids into the woods, I’m going to come at him with whatever sharp metal object is nearest to hand, and if Ben’s home the clown will eat lead.

    This outcome is made even more likely by the stabbing of the young fellow. If all the people in clown suits were just acting weird and not hurting anyone, people would be more likely to hesitate and give the benefit of the doubt. But because of that one killing (possibly unrelated to the overall trend) I fear people are very likely to shoot first and ask questions later!

    Liked by 1 person

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