Greater Is He

Shining the Light on the Nefarious Agenda of the Illuminati (from those in the know)

One minute, I held the key.
Next, the walls were closed on me.
I discovered that my castles stand,
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand.
Viva La Vida – Coldplay

One night, I had a very realistic, long-lasting dream about a man with a secret double life. He was a wealthy businessman by day but was a top-ranking member of the Illuminati (the secret society that rules the world) by night. In my dream, he woke up at 3 a.m. and quietly made his way into a concealed, high-tech room to join a call with other masters of the universe and captains of industry. Those on the call were plotting and scheming about the end of the world.

In my dreamy haze, I even developed a plot point: this man was conflicted and exhausted. He wanted to leave the Illuminati but didn’t know how. But then his secret landline rang, changing the trajectory of his entire life.

The whole dream reminded me of the famous Coldplay song (lyrics above). The man in my dream realized he indeed ruled the world (or at least his corner of it), but his castle was built on pillars of salt and sand.

And then I woke up!

The dream came out of nowhere, and I sensed it might be from God and that I could weave it into a story that would entertain, educate, and inspire. I was also excited about the challenge of researching the elusive Illuminati and answering several questions about it that had been swirling inside my head for decades. I was also hoping to provide a roadmap for those who would like to leave this organization (if that were even possible).

After several months of on-and-off research and chasing so many rabbits down different holes, until almost all of the underground rabbit-trail tunnels connected for me in a way that made the most sense, I present to you my ever-evolving and imperfect definition of the Illuminati, as follows:

The Illuminati (also called the System, Luciferian Brotherhood, Cabal, etc.) is a highly secretive group of Luciferians (Satanists) who have important positions of authority and influence in areas of culture, politics, world governance, communication, education, entertainment, banking, and legal and illegal business pursuits.  They work at the behest of Lucifer in a System whose first goal is world domination and whose end goal is to take over God’s throne and rule the universe. Much of what the Illuminati does is criminal, disgusting, and immoral. Still, due to programming, fear, blackmail, bloodline, or an intense desire for fame, fortune, power, and influence, the members of the Illuminati continue to advance the goals of the System. However, many secretly want out but feel trapped, are uncomfortable with their group’s goals, or wish to dismantle their organization.  Lucifer, a relentless and cruel taskmaster, is busy organizing his System to install the Antichrist and to form a one-world government, financial, and religious system.  According to insiders, Lucifer is behaving in ways that suggest we are very close to the end times. According to several Biblical passages (Daniel 9:26, 7:25, 12:7; Revelation 11:2-3, 12:6, 12:14, 13:5; and Matthew 24:21), Lucifer is given a 3.5-year window to rule the world, but it will be marked by destruction, deception, and suffering for the whole earth.  Some aspects of the agenda of the Illuminati can be slowed down or stopped altogether by human free-will resistance and the power of prayer. Although Lucifer believes he will somehow find a spiritual loophole and “win” in the end, he will most certainly be defeated at the final battle, called Armageddon.

In the end, Jesus wins.

Because Greater is He.

Before we really dig in, as with many of my posts, I must provide important qualifiers:

First, this post is the culmination of months spent slowly putting together a used, cheap, 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle I purchased from the local occult bookstore, only to find that 300 pieces are missing from the box. As I survey the 700 pieces I’ve been able to assemble, I see that the puzzle depicts a clichéd group of scary-looking people in black costumes, sitting around a table, as if they’re making devious plans.  However, most of the pieces that actually identify these people are missing, as are the important papers outlining the specifics of their evil plans, which are scattered across the table (this is the old-school cabal, where they still write things down on paper). So, while I can get the basic gist of the puzzle (and after you read this article, you can too), it’s unsatisfying because I can’t complete it. 

Ah, the jigsaw puzzle of the Illuminati. It was not possible to find every missing piece, but I tried my best to paint an overall picture! PC: Image generated by WordPress AI.

Second, I have come to this well-thought-out and well-researched post “by faith,” because I really and truly don’t know anything with 100 percent ironclad accuracy about the Illuminati.  But to be fair, the whole point of the Illuminati is that no one will ever know for sure, because it is so incredibly highly secretive.

Third, I do not possess first-hand knowledge about the Illuminati, and I cannot confirm any of the information I will present to you. Rather, I feel more comfortable stating that my role is that of a Tenacious Collator, who collects and combines research on the Illuminati into a single, easy-to-access place, so that people can continue their own research and formulate their own opinions on this elusive organization. 

Now that my qualifiers are out of the way, I can finally present the following post on the ultimate secret society that rules the world, based on the testimonies of defectors, whistleblowers, survivors, and escapees from the Luciferian Brotherhood System.  I probably reviewed or examined approximately 20 to 30 testimonies from former members spanning 50 years, mainly via YouTube, podcasts, and online research.  Additionally, I thoroughly read several books on the topic in general, high-level Satanism in particular, as well as many defectors’ personal testimonies, to round out my research. I had to sift through a lot of material and pull out what I felt was the most accurate about a complex subject. I looked for both consistency and credibility – both from person to person, position to position, testimony to testimony, and generation to generation, as well as what appeared to be accurate about highly adept Satanism from former members.

This lengthy, bottom-lined, fast-moving article will be organized by topic, which will include the following:

  • Hints and allegations of the existence of the Illuminati
  • High-level definitions from former members
  • The Illuminati WHO: Lucifer, Demon Generals, Mothers of Darkness, the Antichrist, the bloodline families, and the children of the Illuminati
  • The Illuminati WHAT: testimonies from those in the know, plus several infiltrated organizations
  • The Illuminati WHEN: their focus is the end times
  • The Illuminati WHERE: underground places, important locations, etc.
  • The Illuminati WHY: why they do what they do
  • The Illuminati HOW MANY: how many people are a part of this group
  • The Illuminati HOW: how to effectively thwart their evil agenda by the power of Christian prayer
  • Closing Thoughts and a generous P.S. section

Hints and Allegations of the Illuminati:

The following quotes come from those who allegedly possess (or possessed, as some have passed away) first-hand knowledge of the Illuminati. 

Let’s start at the very top of the food chain with a quote from a member of one of the alleged Founding Families (if you will) of the Illuminati.

David Rockefeller:

“Some even believe we are part of a secret cabal working against the interests of the United States, characterizing my family and me as ‘internationalists’ and conspiring with others around the world to build a more integrated global political structure-one world, if you will.  If that’s the charge, I stand guilty and am proud of it.”

-David Rockefeller, from his book Memoirs, page 405.  (ITI p. 215.)

New York City Mayor John Hylan:

“The real menace is the invisible government….at the head of this octopus is the Rockefeller-Standard Oil interests and…the international bankers…who virtually run the U.S. government for their own selfish purposes.”

-John Hylan, Mayor of New York. (ITI p. 235.)

James Warburg:

“We shall have world government…the question is only whether world government will be achieved by consent or by conquest.”

-James Paul Warburg, son of the founder of the Federal Reserve, speaking in front of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in 1950. (ITI p. 240.) A one-world governmental system is one of the Illuminati’s main goals.

David Rothkopf:

“A global elite has emerged…that such a group exists is irrefutable. Heads of state, CEO’s, media barons, billionaires, top military commanders, even terrorist leaders and master criminals, meet the above criteria for membership.”

-David Rothkopf, who worked for an alleged member of the Illuminati, Henry Kissinger. This quote is from his book Superclass, which explores a small group of people who rule the world. (ITI p. 242.)

Edward Snowden:

“The NSA has built an infrastructure that allows it to intercept almost everything. With this capability, the vast majority of human communications are automatically ingested without targeting. If I wanted to see your emails or your wife’s phone, all I have to do is use intercepts. I can get your emails, passwords, phone records, and credit cards. I don’t want to live in a society that does these sort of things… I do not want to live in a world where everything I do and say is recorded. That is not something I am willing to support or live under.”

-Edward Snowden, former contractor for the NSA and CIA (source: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden)

Edward Snowden leaked that the NSA was spying on everyone without warrants and violating the Fourth Amendment by intercepting laptop computers and then fitting them with special spy software, intercepting webcams, collecting naked photos of people to use for blackmail, and recording phone calls, among many other nefarious activities.  (ITI p. 251-253.)

I included Snowden’s quote because it is thought that the Illuminati has been setting up a system where everyone can be tracked, traced, and data-based.  And although this quote does not point to a secret cabal that rules the world, it shows that people high up in power are spying on the rest of us.  That, and according to author and researcher Veronica Swift, the NSA is heavily infiltrated by the Illuminati. (AIP p. 198.)

President George Washington:

President George Washington himself mentions in a letter that he wrote that the diabolical doctrines of the Illuminati had been spreading via certain Free Mason lodges, and that it concerned him, because it “separated people from their government.”  The entire quote and a link to the actual letter are in the P.S. section for all you history nerds. (ITI p. 245.)

George Washington actually mentions in a letter that the Illuminati had “diabolical doctrines,” and they were spreading via certain Free Mason lodges! P.C. WordPress AI images.

Finally, an honorable mention goes to the Epstein Files, which have “Illuminati” written all over them.  A bunch of rich and powerful people on an island, having sex with children, with hints of other evil activities and connections with world leaders, all under the veil of secrecy?  That’s pretty much the garbage heap of the Illuminati in a nutshell.

That being said, it would take me weeks to deep dive into these files to form a comprehensive overview, so I will have to table that for now. 

Ok, Heather…so a group of evil people might possibly run the world. So what?  Why should I care?  Why should I bother to read the remainder of this way-too-long article when I could spend the next ten minutes doomscrolling? Yawn.

In my humble opinion, you should care because this small group of people who rule the world is leading, lulling, and deceiving you into ultimately accepting a one-world leader, a one-world government, a religious system, and a monetary system.  If you accept the Antichrist (who is at the highest level of this evil cabal) and receive his mark so you can buy and sell, your eternal soul is at stake. I don’t want you to be separated from God for all eternity.  So please, even if you feel that this topic does not affect your day-to-day, give yourself a few minutes to read this article, and then you can decide for yourself.

Now let’s transition to some top-of-mind definitions from those in the know.

High-Level Definitions of the Illuminati:

Veronica Swift, author of An Illuminati Primer:

“The Illuminati (also called the System, the Luciferian Brotherhood, the Cabal, and the Deep State, etc.) is organized a bit like a company. It’s a hidden system, by necessity, because what they do is frankly amoral, illegal, disgusting, and evil. A harsh and rigid veil of secrecy is the way that this group has survived for so many years. Most of their members programmed, which is essentially via torture, to create memory compartments held by amnesic barriers and demonic spirits.  The System is an income-generating organization with a religious foundation. They make money through human trafficking, drug running, gun running, gambling, and other illegal, immoral, and nefarious pursuits.  What they do best, however, is keep their operations highly secret.  In addition, the System is based on an inversion of Christianity.  Satan likes to mock God and does this by taking Christian principles and turning them upside down.” (AIP, chapter 1.)

Hard stop! 

Veronica realizes that many people don’t believe in God or the Devil, rendering her book (or a belief in the overall concept of the Illuminati) meaningless.  From this point of view, she says the following:

“Wait a minute.  Satan’s not real, good and bad angels are imagination, right? Not in this System.  Maybe in your religious institution, maybe in your life, he is a fictional character, but not in the lives of the people in this Illuminati Brotherhood System.  To them, he is very real. You don’t have to change your mind; you can hold whatever beliefs you want and still make it through this book just fine.” (AIP p. 25)

I would agree with Veronica and only change the word ‘book’ to ‘blog post.’

Here is an excellent and short overview of An Illuminati Primer: An Illuminati Primer: Understanding The System Through the Eyes of its Whistleblowers – The Duke Report Books (Beta)

Zachary King, a former High Wizard of the Illuminati:

“The Illuminati is made up of the world’s political and financial elite. They are in charge of assassinations, currency control, population control, world governments, and world entertainment. Satan wants complete control over the world.  He wants everyone in the world to turn from God. One of the most effective ways to achieve this is through population control…think abortion. Think sterilization.”

Kerth Barker, a former child sex slave who interacted with very high-level Illuminati:

“The Illuminati is a secret society of wealthy aristocrats who use covert and criminal methods to increase their wealth and power. They justify their criminal tactics to eventually create an all-powerful, utopian, worldwide government. This global government can only come into power through the rejection of the basic values of Christianity, along with the loss of our innate rights and freedoms granted by God and ensured by the Constitution of our sovereign reign. Above these 13 known Illuminati bloodline families are the unseen top-ranking Illuminati leaders who make up the Invisible Capstone.  These unknown leaders are masters of the occult. They are primarily concerned with occult rituals that give them power over their immediate subordinates, who are some of the most powerful persons in the world, which include: the leaders who control the central banks, the United Nations, the Universities, the newspapers, the television networks, Hollywood, the corporations, and influential non-profit organizations (such as the Rhodes Scholarship, Planned Parenthood, the Fabian Society, etc.).” (DTI, page 9-10.)

Svali, a former high-ranking Head Programmer of the Illuminati:

“The goal of the Illuminati is to impose Illuminati rule on all world nations, and one way that they plan to do that is to create a world government, one that supersedes and controls any national government. The United Nations was created to help overcome nationalism and pride in one’s country, which the Illuminati considers to be a barrier to their plans. The UN is a forerunner to the Supreme World Council, which will be installed when the plans for a “One World” society are further along.” (AIP p. 186.)

Fritz Springmeier, an old-school Illuminati whistleblower:

Ultimately, [their goal is] to bring in what people have termed the New World Order with a man who will hold the world’s attention and carry the title ‘The Antichrist.’. The long-range goal of this is to eventually create an entire planet of mind-controlled slaves that can be controlled by one supercomputer. When I say long-range, it’s not going to take them long to get us there at the rate they are going. They are manipulating our thoughts and our attitudes, and steering us, herding us… in the direction they want us to go.” (source: The Root Problem: Illuminati or Jews? – henrymakow.com)

Now, let’s transition to the main bulk of this article as we peek into the who, what, when, where, why, and how of this elusive System.

For context, the who and what sections will be lengthier, and the when, where, why, and how sections will be shorter.

The Illuminati – WHO:

The Illuminati consists of three groups of human/entities: one group of evil spiritual beings, with Lucifer (Satan) at the top, and two groups of human beings.

Lucifer:

The Illuminati works like a pyramid-shaped hierarchy, with Lucifer and his mighty demons at the very top.

Lucifer is the most powerful fallen Angel, and the enemy of God Almighty and His followers.  He is at the center of the Illuminati, and everyone in the Illuminati ultimately serves him. 

Lucifer was cast out of heaven for rebelling against God due to pride and his desire to be equal to or greater than God. He convinced one-third of the other angels to join him in a war against God. As a result, God cast out Lucifer and his followers from heaven (according to Isaiah 14, Ezekial 28, and Revelation 12).

Lucifer and his demons are restricted to having their authority operational on the earth, with their main goal to deceive as many people as possible into either denying God and not accepting His son as Lord and Savior, or, tricking people into eventually accepting the Antichrist as their personal Savior, which, unfortunately, will trick and fool them into an eternity apart from God, in Hades.    

Lucifer’s ultimate goal is to hurt God.  He can do that by hurting God’s most special creation: human beings. 

In the movie Nefarious (2023), the demon Edward/Nefarious explains that their goal is to punish God by destroying what He loves, stating: 

“Our plan is to hurt Him. To punish Him. And we do that by destroying what He loves, which is you.”

If hurting God and destroying man wasn’t enough, there is more: ever since Lucifer was kicked out of heaven, he has been plotting to get back in, but this time as Ruler of the Universe.

According to Jessie Czebodar, a key whistleblower whom we will hear from in a moment, Lucifer strongly believes that, in the end, “he will win” by overthrowing God’s throne.  To accomplish this goal, he needs many human beings who have committed to following him, so that his evil demons can possess them and somehow spiritually storm the gates of heaven and overtake God’s throne. Lucifer has also promised his followers great rewards as an incentive. Satan’s goal is to connect or attach his demons to his human Illuminati, which means that they serve as physical body hosts. (AIP p. 43.)  However, there is a twist:

“Lucifer has fooled them, and he actually intends to kill everyone, even his followers, once he attains God’s status himself.” (AIP p. 33.)

That leads me to the biggest challenge of everyone caught in the System. Many know, deep down, that Lucifer is a liar who cannot be trusted. 

According to the Bible, Lucifer is a liar and the Father of Lies (John 8:44).

I think it’s important to peek into at least four lies Lucifer tells his followers, since the entire Illuminati is built upon Lucifer, and thus, built upon his lies.

And then we are back to the Coldplay lyrics at the start of this post.

Below are two quotes from Elaine, former Top Bride of Satan:

  • Satan completely deceived me. He lies to ALL his servants.  I thought I was the most powerful and knew everything about his organization.  After I got out, I realized that Satan doesn’t tell any of his servants the truth about his activities or his organization.” (HCTSTCF p. 63.)
  • “We were constantly being told about Christ’s defeat on the cross and that He had been the ultimate sacrifice to Satan.” (HCTSTCF p. 50.)

And two quotes from Bill S., former high-level Satanist:

  • “The Illuminati (perceive that they ) are gods and goddesses themselves and have the right to determine who lives or dies. They also believe that hell is absolute but are told that even if they lose in the battle with God, they will “reign” in hell and will never suffer.  These people suffer from the common misinformation that Satan rules hell (like the toughest con in a maximum-security prison) and can grant favors to whomever he will.”  (LD p. 36.)
  • “They have been told the lie that the God of heaven would never want them once they have done such wicked and perverse things. They are told that if they ever try to leave or defect to the “other side,” they will be killed horribly and tortured endlessly in the hereafter. The soul-winner needs to understand that these Satanists are utterly convinced that they have “sold their souls” and that nothing Jesus could do would save them.” (LD p. 37.) 

Lucifer’s Top Demon Generals, Queen Mothers of Darkness, Merlin, Antichrist, etc.:

After Lucifer, several top demon generals are his second-in-command, including Moloch, Ba’al, Ashtoreth, Samael, Abaddon, Azazael, and Thoth. Ashtoreth is also known as Lilith, Isis, and Diana.

I have heard slight variations in specific demon names across different sources, but the overall theme of the top demonic generals remains consistent across testimonies.

Directly under Lucifer and his seven demonic generals are the five Mothers of Darkness.  Jessie Czebodar was groomed to become the Queen Mother of Darkness, the highest position in the Illuminati System.  She is a key whistleblower, and I will share a portion of her testimony momentarily.

Across/adjacent to the five Queen Mother women are five men, a subgroup called Merlin.  Merlin’s job is to train five Antichrist figures and keep them in the wings “in the event” it’s the end times, according to the Book of Revelation in the Bible.  In that scenario, God permits Lucifer and the Antichrist to have a window to take over management of the earth and to bring wrath against God’s people for 3.5 years, causing human life and the earth great destruction (to be fair, God and Jesus will also bring wrath at this time as well). As stated, currently Lucifer and the Illuminati are behaving in such a way as to imply that they themselves believe we are close to what the Bible refers to as the end times.

Next in the hierarchy are the “Four P’s”: the Priest, the Prophet, the Pindar, and the Phoenix. The head of the Satanic council is called the Phoenix, and that position was allegedly held for 30 years by George Soros. (AIP p. 64.)  I could not find much research on who holds these positions currently (due to the highly secretive nature of this organization). However, Veronica Swift lists one name in her book: a former, very charming, two-term U.S. President from the state where I currently live.  (By the way, I will try not to drop too many names in this post but will instead drop hints.)

From there, we have the Protectors (the secret service of the System), the Satanic Council (approximately 300 important people who rule the world), the sisters of light (creepy witches who heal people and make people die via witchcraft spells), and the brides of Satan (they make Lucifer happy but also do significant witchcraft spells and many other duties; Elaine has been previously mentioned in this position). 

Jessie has a lot to say about the Illuminati’s version of the military, which is called the Sovereign Military Order. I have included more information in the P.S. section.

A few more details on the Satanic Council, which is also called by several other names.

“The Satanic Council is composed of world leaders, royals, bankers, architects, professors – pretty much any professional can be and likely is represented by this group.  Being appointed in childhood as a successor and trained to take a position as Grand High Priest or Priestess is one way to get a seat on the Satanic Council. The other way to do battle for the position is like a witches’ battle.” (AIP p. 65.)

The Satanic Council is responsible for running the businesses of the Illuminati. Their enterprises include high-level sex slavery, human trafficking, gun running, drug running, and other illegal and morally reprehensible schemes. (AIP p. 62.)

This top section includes a wide range of well-known and influential world leaders who wield significant power. Political figures round out this group, including former presidents of the United States from both political parties.

After the Satanic Council, the Illuminati splinters into several other tentacles (influential organizations, feeder groups, etc.), which we will dig into momentarily.

The Bloodline Families:

Within these tippy-top categories of people who run the show, many (not all) are from bloodline families.

The very wealthy and influential bloodline families include the following family names: Astor, Bundy, Collins, DuPont, Freeman, Kennedy, Li, Onassis, Reynolds, Rockefeller, Rothschild, Russell, Van Duyn. Here is an excellent and short article about all of these influential families: Who Are Illuminati and What Are the Illuminati’s 13 Bloodline Families?

p. 116 of An Illuminati Primer adds in another bloodline family, the Merovingians. 

Several whistleblowers mention the existence of these bloodline families, and research on the Skull and Bones (a secret society at Yale University with alleged ties to the Illuminati) found that only 20-30 families have historically been represented in this fraternity.  (ITI p 67.)

Everyone else:

The final group consists of those who are invited, recruited, lured into due to a desire for fame or fortune (think famous people/celebrities),  trafficked (many children), forced into (think slavery and women who breed babies for sacrifice) or blackmailed in (think people whom they lure in to do something sexual, Illegal, immoral, or disgusting, and then take videos and photos of it for blackmail purposes). 

At the bottom of the barrel are “system slaves,” who are expendable and under the complete control of the System.  (AIP p. 73.) The expendables are also income earners for the System.

There is a dark side and a light side to the Illuminati.  The light side is not as evil as the dark side, and it seems to do good work that helps many people; however, these efforts ultimately serve the Luciferian agenda. 

The Illuminati children:

I would like to take a moment to describe what it is like to be a child within the Illuminati, since I found this part of my research to be the most disgusting and disturbing content I have ever heard or read. I will do my best to present this summary in a PG13 format for sensitive readers.

This is a brief summary of what I learned:

They treat their own children like trash, sex objects, punching bags, human sacrifices, toys, tools, blackmail objects, slaves, income earners, organ harvesters, prey to be hunted in forests, pornography movie stars, food to eat through cannibalism (not kidding), science experiments, spiritual spies, and the list goes on.

A few key details on their use of children:

  • The System requires the use of children for many purposes, with pedophilia, child sex trafficking, child pornography, and gift exploitations at the top of the list.
  • The spiritual gifts they seek include children who can “hear, see, and feel in the spirit world” (AIP p. 126), children born on certain days, descendants of King Solomon, and others.  They are also looking for children who can open spiritual gates.  Furthermore, the Illuminati is looking for these three gifts in children: prophecy, intercession, and spiritual warriors.  (AIP p. 139.)
  • There are no protections for the children, sadly, as many Judges, police officers, and other people who could potentially help are all members of the System. 
  • For example, according to a whistleblower named Janette Archer, many Judges in the UK are involved in the System and would tell her something akin to “don’t bother” reporting anyone, because they would stop any case of hers from getting her justice. Several law enforcement officers were also compromised. (AIP p. 127.)
  • They keep children who are being trained for future positions in line with something called “compliance training.”  Jessie C. – former Queen Mother – remembers being thrown into a pit with a creature resembling a dragon and into a pitch-black cellar full of dead animals, all to keep her compliant during her training. (AIP p. 167.)
  • Additionally, the book titled The Franklin Coverup, written by State Senator John DeCamp, involves a Nebraska statewide financial banking swindle of $40 million, soon exploding into a hideous tale of drugs, Iran-Contra money-laundering, a nationwide child abuse ring, and Satanic ritual murder. One of the key witnesses, a member of a child sexual abuse ring named Paul Bonnaci, also took a private tour of the White House during President Bush Sr.’s tenure.  Paul also testifies to attending the Bohemian Grove, where he witnessed a child being raped and murdered by another adult male. A pornography snuff film was also made of the event. (I used President Bush Sr.’s name because it was already made public in a Washington Times article from many years ago. I have linked the article in the P.S. section.)
  • According to Kathleen Sorenson, a foster mom to several ritualistically abused children, she relays a terrifying tale of kids in her care reporting that they had to murder another child or infant before the age of two, children witnessing the deaths of their own friends, children being guided to kill animals, children seeing adults eating the body parts of children, and several other things I cannot mention involving children. (TFC p. 204)
  • Please see the P.S. section for an important mini primer on the Franklin Coverup. I thoroughly read this book because it has “The Illuminati” written all over it, including all the “mysterious” deaths in an attempt to cover up the truth. The mini-primer is worth another two minutes of your time! 
  • Elaine details how children were used for sexual purposes as well as torture to keep their parents in line.  She also shares information about human sacrifice (HCTSTCF p. 64-65 and chapter 8).
  • Jessie C. reveals how she was expected to kill an infant during a Satanic ceremony but refused to do so.  She was punished for this.  (FOKL p. 52.)

I will now transition to “What” the Illuminati is all about.

I will begin with testimonies from several high-level defectors, then provide an overview of other Illuminati categories to paint a broader picture.

The Illuminati – WHAT:

I found it best (and more accurate) to describe the Illuminati directly from the testimonies of the top whistleblowers and defectors (or those who interacted closely with them).

Elaine- former Top Bride of Satan:

Yes, we have already heard a bit from Elaine, but here is a bit more.

I can somewhat personally verify this testimony, as I knew the woman whom God used to bring her out — Rebecca Brown – personally, for several years before she passed.

Rebecca was one of the most committed, honest, and obedient Christians I have ever known.  God used her to bring hundreds of Satanists out of the occult successfully, including Elaine.

As stated, Elaine was a Top Bride of Satan, which is a very high position in the Luciferian hierarchy.  According to Veronica Swift, the author of An Illuminati Primer, the Bride of Satan is called upon to make sure Satan is happy and that he gets whatever he wants.  They are required to appear beautiful and to be ready to attend events when called (AIP, p. 81). 

That all may be true, but Elaine did much more than look pretty and be the beck and call girl for Lucifer.  Satan had her doing all manner of evil work for him, including ordering her to organize all the top witches in the United States to murder Rebecca, due to all the “preaching and praying everywhere” she was doing at a local Brotherhood-controlled hospital.  Elaine performed the necessary rituals to ensure Rebecca’s destruction; however, their efforts ultimately proved unsuccessful.  Satan also organized her and other witches to kill another Christian family.  That was also unsuccessful due to God’s protection and power (p. 56, HCTSTCF). 

A few more compelling pieces of data from Elaine’s testimony in bullet form:

  • Elaine shines a spotlight on werewolves, zombies, and vampires. These human-like creatures were common and were primarily used for disciplinary purposes (HCTSTCF p. 65).
  • She accompanied Lucifer on many international trips, in which she said: “my trips were for the purposes of coordinating Satan’s programs with Satanists in other lands. I saw very large sums of money change hands, and the involvement of government officials.  All of my trips were “off the record” in private jets.  Most powerful and wealthy organizations serve Satan.  The “little” people of the organizations do not know this.” (HCTSTCF p. 62.)
  • You would think that being at the top of the System was exciting, fulfilling, and enjoyable, right?  Not so much.  Elaine says, “despite my high position and great power, I lived in constant fear. I had to live a completely double life. I had no peace and I felt very trapped. My greatest problem was with the incredible evil perpetuated within the cult. The brutal discipline and above all, human sacrifice!” (HCTSTCF p. 63.)

Personal note: Most Luciferians are afraid of Lucifer or of disobeying him.  Elaine was not.  She refused to do several things that Lucifer instructed her to, including performing a human sacrifice.  She was punished severely for this. She often yelled at and challenged Lucifer. Over time, she came to realize that God was more powerful than Lucifer, but she didn’t know what to do about it until she met Rebecca, whom God used to enable her to exit the System.  I thoroughly enjoyed reading Elaine’s story because she is one of the few escapees to show true sass, courage, and grit when confronting Lucifer and really gave it back to him.

Jessie Czebodar, former Queen Mother of Darkness:

Jessie is the top whistleblower to ever defect from the Illuminati (that I am aware of).  She was number two behind Lucifer himself (not counting his demon spirits or the Antichrist, of course).

Part of the job description of a Queen Mother is to “act like a CEO, supervise their quadrant, carry out the wishes of Lucifer from the top down, staff the system, and find appropriate individuals to place in training for other System positions as teachers, bankers, doctors, nurses, computer programmers, etc.” The five Mothers of Darkness have historically been from the same family lineage. (AIP p. 41.)

Jessie was tapped at 4 years old to become the Queen Mother of Darkness.  Jessie is a federal whistleblower, and several of her depositions are available online.  I will leave more details below in the P.S. section. (AIP and TISNE p. 85-92)

A few nuggets from her testimony as it pertains to the Luciferian hierarchy include:

  • Jessie provides the bottom-line goal of Lucifer and the Illuminati, which has been previously mentioned, but since it’s Lucifer’s entire end goal and life’s work, I think it bears repeating: Lucifer wishes to attach his demons to human hosts so that the people can escort the demons from the earthly realms to the heavenly realms, bypassing the normal restrictions on the demons getting there by themselves (long story short, demons are prohibited from entering heaven, but somehow, the spirits of human beings are allowed to).  Satan believes he can use this “loophole” to storm heaven’s gates and take over God’s throne.  (AIP p. 31.)
  • Under the Council of 300 are Grand High Priestesses and Priests. Their job is to ensure the System operates correctly within specific quadrants. Next are the (regular) High Priests and Priestesses, followed by the Five Departments (Mormons, Masons, Catholic Church, Satanists (I don’t understand this department as the whole organization is Satanic), and the Kabbalah.
  • The job of each department is to oversee the System’s assets, namely the bloodline children and the expendable children.  The bloodline children are the “special” ones; groomed to take on positions of power, while the “expendable” are just that:  they are abused, sexually exploited, killed, and cannibalized.
  • Jessie reaffirms that the System’s use of MK Ultra programming. (TISNE p. 85-92.) According to Wiki: MKUltra[a] was an illegal human experimentation program designed and undertaken by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) to develop procedures and identify drugs that could be used in altering human behavior.[1]   It was further declassified in 2001.
  • Jessie has witnessed Lucifer countless times as a child.  The four forms he used with her were: a very handsome, alluring man; a man shadowed by black armor; a one-headed dragon; or a seven-headed dragon (the dragon forms appeared during certain rituals).  (AIP p. 29.)
  • Jessie claims that the following seven world systems are what the Illuminati seeks to infiltrate and heavily influence: religion, family, education/technology, government, media, entertainment, and business (banking).

Another of Lucifer’s goals is similar to the plot of the show Stranger Things.  The system attempts to stay ahead of God by looking into the future.  The Illuminati desires to find people (mostly children) with prophetic gifts of remote viewing who can see visions of the future or can astral project and spy on people. Strangely, they were unable to see beyond the year 2024.  I am not sure why. 

Zachary King, a former High Wizard:

Lucifer selected Mr. King to have the esteemed position of High Wizard of the World Church of Satan (AIASS p. 52). A High Wizard performs magic spells, curses, hexes, etc., for the coven and other wealthy Luciferians. The rich and powerful sought him out to cast spells for them.  Mr. King boasted a 91% success rate in casting spells (AIASS p. 50 – 52).

In this interview (here: https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=ht-L3z_J0hU), he explains that the Illuminati is “in a sense, its own Satanic coven. But there aren’t enough people in the Illuminati to run the world.  They need foot soldiers, so they use the Satanic covens and the Freemasons. They will literally pull the levers and push the buttons for every political action that generally happens in first-world countries, and they will do a lot of stuff in third-world countries. They can promise things, and they can deliver. You do the things we say to do, we’ll help you get out of poverty…we will show you something that grows in sand. Almost every rock star, if you are famous…the Illuminati probably made you famous.”

He then goes on to describe the specific spell work he would do, including hexes, which is the most potent spell. The hex is the most expensive and requires an abortion, but it is the most likely to work effectively.

A few more bullet points regarding Mr. King’s testimony:

  • Mr. King was directly involved in the music industry and helped coordinate hopeful artists with contracts to Lucifer and the Illuminati. He reports that he helped make approximately 1,200 artists or bands successful from 1987 to 1999.  (22-minute mark here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvWJ6GYaZes).
  • He goes into detail about how he identified people who wanted to be famous in the music industry here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JA66dVquaI.  He explains that they must sell their soul to the Illuminati to be famous. 
  • Mr. King also assisted in 146 abortions that were all dedicated to Satan, because Satanism is all about blood sacrifice (AIASS p. 80). 
  • He lists the following organizations as being directly involved in the Illuminati, which are all connected: The Bilderbergs, the Council on Foreign Relations, the World Trade Organization, the Skull and Bones, the World Bank Group, the Freemasons, the Order of the Temple of the East (or OTO), and the Trilateral Commission.
  • He states that they are highly focused on installing the Antichrist.
  • Of leaving the Illuminati, he has said: “You realize that if you leave, you leave one of three ways.  You can die of natural causes. You can be murdered. You can commit suicide. As I had already sold my soul at 13, so all three of those methods…I end up in hell.”
  • I found this video of the artist PINK, featuring a high wizard. Now, why would she do that? Ex Satanic High Wizard Outs Another High Wizard Hidden in P!nk’s “Like a Pill” Music Video

Zachary is now a committed Catholic and speaks very freely about his former involvement in the System. He has given several interviews across multiple platforms and authored one book, found here: https://a.co/d/aBNcYuX.

One final point regarding the entertainment industry and the Illuminati: an Illuminati researcher, Mark Dice, believes that artists and entertainers will play an important role in introducing the “royal secret” of the Illuminati.  He writes:

“As the Illuminati prepare to announce the royal secret, as they call it, by declaring that Satan is King of the Earth and the Savior of Mankind, hoping to overthrow the “inferior” and “evil” creator God, to complete the New World Order Utopia, celebrities have recently played a major part in paving the path to the apocalypse.” (ITI p. 211-212.) Mr. Dice believes that the celebrity culture perpetuates the belief that joining the Illuminati is cool, and it can bring you “success.”  (ITI p. 212.)

Please see my thoughts on the music industry in the P.S. section.

I have no idea why Pink has a High Wizard performing spell-work behind her in this video. Is it just artistry? Just something fun and unique to do? Please see the P.S. section for additional thoughts on the music industry. Photo credit: Bing Videos, Just Like A Pill, by the artist Pink.

Ronald Bernard, former financier to the Illuminati:

Ronald Bernard is a fascinating man, and I spent hours watching his YouTube testimonials.  According to this interview (and many others) Ronald Bernard – The Invitation – Dutch with subs, he worked his way up to the top tier of the Illuminati’s financial world, where he served as a “straw man” (problem solver) for five years among the movers and shakers of the world. 

Personal note: I am not a financial professional and do not have expertise in global finance. I will merely summarize what I learned from Ronald’s testimony in bullet form.

  • Ronald’s job was to “process cash in such a way that we can legally introduce it into the money circuit.” He also facilitated currency exchange.  An example he mentioned was changing “the dollar to something else.  Make sure it’s deposited safely and that assets are being managed well.”  
  • An example of how he manipulated the world currency was when he and his colleagues “dumped the Italian currency, which caused a business to collapse, and the owner of the business committed suicide, leaving a family behind.”
  • Over time, he learned that the colleagues he worked with were Luciferians.
  • His tipping point occurred when he witnessed children being sacrificed to Lucifer. He found out later that the sacrifice was set up to take photographic and video evidence of him, which they intended to use against him for blackmail purposes.  But Ronald declined the sacrifice and eventually left the System.
  • By his estimate, about 8500 people rule the world. (This number roughly lines up with writer and researcher David Rothkopf, who proposes that this “superclass” consists of approximately 6000 people who rule the world. According to Superclass (his book), they are connected through a “small world” network of board memberships, elite gatherings (like Davos and Bilderberg), and education. (Source: AI overview of the book Superclass and the 6000 number.)
  • The people he worked for manipulated the gold rate daily.
  • The banks have way too much power (they have complete juristic immunity, and act as free states). The wealthy elite all work together, so it doesn’t get too crowded at the top. (TISNE p. 38-39.) He stated that only 1% of the people at the banks know what is really going on. 
  • His clients were banks, terrorists, multinationals, governments, and secret services.  He believes that the secret services and thinks they are very evil and criminal, and they start wars. My note: I am not really sure what “secret services” means.
  • He was trading in drugs, weapons, and people (other whistleblowers confirm this). He said multinational banks are dominant players.
  • The group he was involved with introduced sudden pandemics and vaccines. 
  • An example of what they do: they give money to a poor country, and the poor country will repay them with rich resources. This is reiterated by Zachary King.
  • He has stated, “We are financing wars and creating wars. There are no good or bad guys. They are all working together. It’s all a game.”
  • The goal of this inner circle is to build a worldwide dictatorship (the New World Order) and to rebuild Solomon’s temple in Jerusalem.
  • He called the group of people whom he worked for: “egotistic monsters all taking care of each other.” He and all of his colleagues looked down on regular people and called them “trash.”
  • He tried to fill the hole in his heart with money and worldly things, but he said he had a “black hole of emptiness.”
  • While he was in the System, he learned that 2028 is going to be a big year for the Luciferians, and that “destruction is coming.”

Chantal Frei, former Queen Mother of Darkness:

Chantal Frei claims she was hunted by adults who wanted to kill her. She hid in a leaf pile. But sadly, this is the Illuminati, and this is how they treat their very own precious children. P.C. WordPress AI image.

Another former Queen Mother of Darkness from Europe, Chantal Frei, describes being hunted as a child. 

Yes, you heard that correctly. 

In her words:

“When I was about six years old, I was taken to a summer camp in Belgium.  It was held at Amerois Castle (also called the Mother of Darkness Castle). We, children, had to strip naked there. Then we went into the forest. There was a hunting game. I heard gunshots and children screaming in the forest. I hid in a pile of leaves.”

Chantal survived this incident! Later, Chantal met with celebrities, heads of state, and European royalty. She was taken to well-known places, including the White House and secret military facilities. She helped to conduct a ceremony called “Satan’s wedding,” where a pregnant woman was sacrificed for Satan’s honor. Chantal is not shy about naming names, including former Presidents (think a famous couple, one a two-term President, one a presidential candidate), and performed a ritual in front of one of the most celebrated actors in U.S. history, as far as that Mission was Possible. (TISNE p. 46-49.)

Quick note: Another whistleblower named Paul Bonnaci also described seeing children hunted and killed at the Bohemian Grove. Paul was trained as a child prostitute, and one of his chief roles is to get influential people in sexually compromising situations so they could be photographed, which would later be used for blackmail purposes. (TISNE p.31-32. also the Franklin Coverup book has Paul’s complete testimony.)

Fiona Barnette, former sex slave:

Fiona is a mid-level escapee who has two great things going for her: one, she interacted with the highest echelons of the Illuminati, and two, her testimony aligns consistently with that of other mid-level escapees. 

Her story is heartbreaking but familiar in this world: a little girl abused and assaulted by the father of a very famous Australian actress (once married to the one whose Mission is Not Possible) was taken to parties and dropped off as part of a pedophile ring.  She was instructed to say, “star child is here,” which was a code word that allowed famous politicians, actors, and celebrities to have their way sexually with her. 

Fiona spotlights three central recurring themes of the Illuminati:

  • MK Ultra mind control (previously mentioned trauma-based mind control techniques that keep the ones abused on the same page and train children for future jobs and roles – like assassin or sex slave, for example).
  • International VIP pedophile rings.
  • Satanic rituals involving rape and sacrifice. 

She is not shy about naming names (that are consistent with others’ testimonies), one of whom was a former President who sexually assaulted her on a plane. This man resigned amid a major H2O scandal.  Fionna has a backbone of steel and held a press conference in Australia in 2015, during which she publicly named famous actors, celebrities, judges, and politicians, including several former Australian Prime Ministers.  (TISNE ch. 13 p. 62.)

This whistleblower claims that only the 12 or 13 pure bloodlines can reach the top of the Illuminati, which lines up with other Illuminati whistleblower testimony.

Kerth Barker, former sex slave to the upper echelon of the Illuminati:

Kerth’s testimony is one of severe trauma-based mind control and sexual abuse, being forced to act out as a “girl” named Kathy to service grown men and women, and child pornography (of himself) being sold to upper echelon Satanists.  He speaks about how Satanism is a business model using perverse sex as a tool for blackmail, normalizing criminal activity, and a gradual acceptance of sociopathology. (ADDA p. 60.) One of his mentors told him of the importance of sexual seduction, blackmail, and bribery to corrupt people, and that he used manipulation and deceit to take from others what they had created.  He explained that most wealthy people worldwide build and preserve their wealth in this way. (ADDA p. 89.)

We will now transition to the organizations and institutions that are infiltrated by the System.

Infiltrated Institutions/Organizations/Front Groups:

The Illuminati has its tentacles in pretty much every institution in the world, but I will merely give a skim and summary (for brevity’s sake) and then place all the rest of it in the P.S. section for further digging.

The highlights of my research boil down to this:

Every area of government, banking, media, entertainment, business, and religious institutions is either completely controlled by, heavily influenced by, partially infiltrated by, or lightly monitored by the System, with potential for greater future control.

A few highlights from this portion of my research:

  • The Catholic Church, the Masons, and the Mormons are the big three institutions that have infiltrated and are not what they seem. (AIP p. 102.) They heavily use the Catholic church as a cover for their organization. (AIP p. 104.) 
  • The FBI, CIA, NSA, and the banks are all heavily infiltrated. (AIP chapters 19, 20, 21, and p. 131.)
  • The UN is also heavily infiltrated. According to Kerth Barker, the “truth of the U.N. is that it’s actually designed to become an all-powerful global government and is controlled by the wealthy Luciferian families of the world. For them to create their all-powerful plutocracy, all the diverse cultures of the world must be destroyed.” (CBD and HAS p. 183.)
  • There are several goals of the New World Order, which is an alleged arm of the Illuminati, to include the U.S. currency being devalued, the acceptance of a one-world government, a second pandemic, and the implementation of hate laws to criminalize Christianity and Judaism. (AIP p. 201.)
  • The media is one of the most infiltrated institutions.  The modern-day media conglomerate is “infiltrated nearly completely by the brotherhood, and a bona fide division of the brotherhood…television, print, magazine, movies, music, Oscars, Emmys, Super Bowl halftime show, etc.”  (AIP p. 71) The media is filled with all manner of secret codes and symbols, which the Illuminati use to communicate with each other (colors, shapes, objects, hand signs, etc.). (AIP p. 72.)
  • For example, much of the media’s success in shaping public thought and opinion seems to stem from constant repetition.  Numerous compilation videos show different TV news networks saying the exact same phrase on the same day. (AIP p. 79.) They believe that if they can control the media, they can control the public. (AIP p. 80)
  • Remember, complete control is what they are after.

The Illuminati-WHEN:

I cover two brief angles for the “when” section.  

First, which days on the calendar are important to the System? 

Secondly, what are they focusing on right now?

For the first question, I will put the bulk of my research in the P.S. section, but suffice it to say, there are several “holy days” in Satanism where human sacrifice is performed, which gives more power to both the demon (or Lucifer himself) as well as the person performing the sacrifice. 

Secondly, as stated, the last seven years preceding the earthly return of Jesus Christ (often referred to as the Great Tribulation or the end times) are likely the most crucial for Lucifer, his demonic armies, and his followers, as they will wield the most extraordinary power and authority on the face of the earth during the second half of this seven year window.

As previously stated, the Illuminati/System is focusing on the end times and installing their Antichrist figure.  Which leads us to ask the question…

What precisely are the end times?

The books of Revelation, Daniel, and Matthew (and others) detail the last seven years preceding the second coming of Jesus Christ, when Jesus returns as a reigning King who will conquer evil, judge humanity, and establish a new Heaven and Earth. During the seven years of the “Great Tribulation,” there will emerge an evil Antichrist figure who will deceive the world into following and worshiping Satan. Jesus will ultimately defeat both the Antichrist and the devil. (Scripture verses were provided earlier in this post.)

The entire point of the Illuminati is that they will be allowed by God to rule and reign during a 3.5 year period within the seven-year Great Tribulation period.  Satan will also be permitted to pour wrath on the Saints of God and will be able to set up his own government system.  He will also be allowed to set up his own Savior, the Antichrist.

According to Veronica Swift:

“Much of what the Illuminati is doing these days seems to revolve around what are termed the “end times”…This System-orchestrated end times is also called the Great Deception, because when the Antichrist springs on the scene, and the masses of people worldwide become aware of him for the first time, they are supposed to be in awe of him and believe that he is the second coming of Christ. The general public will not be made aware that, behind the scenes, this man will worship Satan and consider Satan to be his personal God. The Luciferian Brotherhood plans that the Antichrist will suffer a fatal wound, will die, and be resurrected, as the real Jesus Christ was.”  (AIP p. 47).

According to Kerth Barker:

“The ultimate goal of the Illuminati is to create an occult-driven event whereupon all the people of the world will suddenly abandon whatever personal philosophy they believe in to convert, en masse, to a Luciferian, New Age philosophy.  This philosophy will be taught by the Antichrist.” (CBDHAS p. 175)

As a sign that we might be near the end, the Antichrist recently performed a ritual intended to kick off the Luciferian End Times, which began in 2020, in which the Antichrist took over a position previously held by the Mother of Darkness. (AIP p. 49-50.)

Would you like to learn more about the end times? I wrote an entire article about the topic, with an emphasis on the Illuminati and the Antichrist, here: https://permission2speakfreely.com/2025/09/19/its-the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it/

The Illumaniti-WHERE:

The Illuminati’s significant locations include certain cities, underground facilities (including military bases and tunnels), and other sites.  

The Illuminati has built many underground structures. P.C. WordPress AI images.

A few key points include:

  • According to Jessie, much of her training took place underground. One place explicitly mentioned was under the Cathedral of St. Peter Catholic Church in Rockford, Illinois.  (AIP p. 165.) She details a whole underground world that the rest of us don’t know about.
  • The System extensively uses tunnels for a wide variety of reasons: for getting from point A to point B, for the Protectors to keep their charges safe from other Luciferians, to transport children and adults for human trafficking, to connect to underground bases and training centers, and, I suspect, for places to live during the end times.  Also, for food, weapons, and other storage (this is merely my opinion based on research).
  • There are allegedly many underground cities: the Pentagon, Area 51, a city in Kansas, etc., all over the world. (AIP p. 171-175.)
  • The Muslim faith is very much central to the Illuminati.  Kerth Barker states that former insiders have told him that the entire System is run from Medina, Saudi Arabia.  (AIP p. 133.)
  • Kerth also claims that Medina is the “hidden center of power that rules over the (other) cities.” (DTI p 11.)
  • Other important cities to the Illuminati are: Washington, DC (military power), Vatican City (religious mind control), and London (economic control). (DTI p. 11)

Given that much of what they do seems to be underground, it reminds me of the Bible verse that says people will hide in caves and other underground places to escape God’s judgment or oppression. These Bible verses are found primarily in Isaiah 2:19-21 and Revelation 6:15-17, where people flee into caves, holes, and rocky caverns to escape the Lord’s anger or the Lamb’s wrath.

Also, I am currently watching the show Paradise, about the rich elite who live in a huge underground bunker to avoid the end of the world.  It reminds me of what the System is capable of and is likely (possibly) going to be doing in the future.

The Illuminati-WHY:

For this part, I sought to explain why people in the System do what they do.  Because frankly, many (but not all) of them are engaged in practices that are illegal, immoral, and disgusting.  

Secondly, I sought an answer to the question: are they permitted to leave the organization if they wish?

There are many reasons why they do what they do:

  • They are afforded much power through animal and human sacrifice, and/sex magik (with a “k”). Or, if they don’t perform those sacrifices, they are still afforded some kind of authority and power.
  • They are deceived by Lucifer into thinking they will be gods/goddesses in the afterlife, and they believe that the Creator God is inferior to Lucifer.  And that Lucifer represents the winning side.
  • They are trapped and believe they cannot leave.
  • They enjoy being a part of the System.
  • They are in a bloodline family, and it is expected of them.
  • They are afraid. “Because the upper levels of the Illuminati Brotherhood are witches and warlocks, they engage in rituals that seem to, in part, please Satan. If they spoil the ritual, or do anything wrong, they could be killed for making that mistake.” (AIP p. 145.)

Second, are they permitted to leave if they wish?

First, I was surprised to learn that, according to Jessie C., about 95% of those within the Illuminati wish to defect and leave.  (AIP p. 83.)

Unfortunately for them, they believe they cannot leave. There are several reasons that the System’s members cannot exit stage left:

  • First, “the standing threat for most of the System’s members is severe torture of family, friends, pets, and themselves if they try to escape, followed by their death. The System assassinates defectors in front of other members to deter and discourage them from defecting too.” (AIP p. 53-54.)
  • Second, they have been tortured and are mind-controlled so that they must stay in the organization.
  • Third, many are blackmailed and feel they cannot leave. According to old school Fritz, “it is a standard tactic to use fear and blackmail to bring people into line.”  (AIP p. 167.) Kerth Barker was often involved in framing grown men for blackmail purposes.
  • Fourth, many are controlled and possessed by demonic spirits, who inhabit them and make them do awful things.  The demon spirits speak to them and drive them crazy, telling them they will never leave them alone. These demons lie to them and tell them that they are stuck in the System forever.  
  • Finally, as alluded to, many in the System benefit from it and enjoy being in it; they are drunk on the riches, fame, fortune, or other benefits they are afforded in their various roles. Some also stay in because they have a massive superiority complex or delusions of grandeur, which the System perpetuates.

However, I have some good news.  Many of them have successfully defected, or else you would not be reading this article.  It is a long process to fully leave, and one that could be very dangerous for people.  If you are trapped in the System and wish to leave, I recommend a support system and a way to keep yourself safe.  I also recommend making Jesus your Lord and Savior and growing in your faith.  Jesus is the only power and protection that will truly be effective as you depart the Illuminati. 

The Illuminati-HOW MANY:

As alluded to, only a few thousand run the world. My theory is that there are many more, perhaps millions, who are connected to the Illuminati in other ways. So I would guess several million? But that is only a guess.

The Illuminati-HOW:

In this section, I will cover only one angle, which is the most important theme of this article:

How do we defeat them?

I must give one qualifier, and that is:

God will only allow us to partially defeat their evil agenda because (as previously stated) God delegates a 3.5 year window of power to Lucifer to rule and reign on the earth. 

But there are still several things we can do.  Here are three of them, top of mind:

Watchfulness, resistance, and prayer:

First, be vigilant and pray to God for wisdom and discernment. Read the Bible every day, so that you will not be deceived. 

Second, to the best of your ability, actively resist their attempts to deceive you into accepting a one-world religion/leader/monetary system.  And then actively resist the Mark of the Beast when it is presented. Another great way to resist their evil agenda is to spread God’s agenda by sharing the good news of Jesus Christ.

Third, for those who consider themselves Christians, we can pray both for and against them. 

Before I offer prayer points, I believe it’s important to hear from escapee Kerth Barker, who has given this much thought and has written extensively on how to defeat the Illuminati.  I have included some of his thoughts in the P.S. section.

His ideas are somewhat lengthy but are full of wisdom and knowledge and include insider strategies.

Kerth states:

“The real unseen leaders are master occultists, high adept Satanists. This conflict is first and foremost a spiritual battle.  Without the occult power that is used to hold these syndicates together, they would fall apart…the only power that can negate the occult power of the Illuminati is the power of Christian prayer. The main reason I’ve written these books is to convey the idea that the Illuminati can be defeated. The leadership of the Illuminati is highly flawed, and they have many resources.  They all have inherited wealth and political connections, and some possess psychic powers.  But the average Illuminati leader couldn’t hold an ordinary job if his life depended on it. Their Satanic occult practices can be neutralized by the prayers of good-hearted Christians. So they won’t be able to rule the world. They all have people who work for them who organize their wealth and properties. But many of these Illuminati mid-level managers are smart enough to realize that the rule of their masters is destroying the world. Although these servants to the elite might want the money that comes from working for these wealthy aristocrats, nobody who really knows them ever trusts them or respects them. If any type of resistance group outside the Illuminati were to arise, the Illuminati would fall like a house of cards. And such a resistance is arising. God will save us from the Luciferian aristocrats who presently rule the world. But first, the people must see them for what they are: cannibals, blood drinkers, and highly adept Satanists. Their decadence, falsehood, corruption, and evil intentions will be revealed.  When these Luciferian aristocrats have been seen for what they are, they will be removed from power.” (DTI p.10 and 12 and C, BD, and HAS p.189 and 213.)

To be completely fair, I think Kerth’s assessment is a bit too lofty (I can’t see the Illuminati falling like a house of cards), but I agree with him that prayer can play a vital role in either bringing down, reducing, or disrupting the System’s plans.

Don’t believe me that a simple prayer can take down or, at the very minimum, disrupt the plans of the Illuminati?

Who would be the ultimate authority on whether Christian prayers can block the efforts of the Illuminati?

Would Lucifer himself admitting that prayer is effective be enough to prove to you that prayer works?

From Elaine:

“I began to realize that every time I did an incantation in the direction of that doctor (Rebecca), the demons came back to me, unable to get through.”

(Later, Satan came to her to ask her why she had failed in her assignment.)

“Don’t you know?” I asked. 

“Yes,” he replied, “but I want to know if you know.”

“Well,” Elaine said, “I assume somebody must have blocked us by prayer.”

That is right,” was his curt answer, then he vanished. (HCTSTCF p. 80.)

So there you have it, from the horse’s mouth.  However, Kerth offers another example of prayer’s capacity to nullify the Enemy’s plans. 

From Kerth:

One time, a politically connected master of the occult was giving a public demonstration where he was channeling an Antichrist demon.  A Christian woman was in attendance and immediately prayed that Jesus would “banish the demon” that this man was channeling.  Immediately, the master occultist fell silent mid-chant. He couldn’t say another word and walked away from the demonstration. The power of Jesus Christ is far greater than the power of Satan or any of his demons. (p. 189 C,BD and HAD.)

I wrote a short guidebook on the power of spiritual warfare and effective prayer against demons, including a step-by-step prayer guide for driving demons out of people and locations.  It’s a short book and will take you less than three hours to read.  If you would like to begin your journey of praying against the Illuminati, my book is a great place to start: https://a.co/d/3XJooez

Prayer strategies regarding the Illuminati:

Below are two simple thoughts on how to pray to reduce the power of the Illuminati:

Pray for them: pray that the Lord would reveal Himself to them, that they will see that God is more powerful than Satan, and that He will show them how to safely exit the System and turn instead to Him.

Pray against them: pray against the System and all that it perpetuates. Pray for protection for the many children who are horribly abused in the system. Pray for the System to be exposed to the world, that the world would reject it. Pray that Lucifer would not be able to deceive the world, and that his plans would be exposed and defeated. Pray that the power of the devil would be reduced and eliminated.  Pray that God would send a spirit of confusion into the meetings and plans of the Illuminati.   Pray that God would expose who exactly is involved and their role.  Pray that all of humanity would be illuminated with the TRUTH of Jesus Christ and God’s word.  Pray also for a massive revival, both within the Illuminati and throughout the world.

They can say and believe whatever they want, but in the end, Jesus wins. I hope you will choose to join Him on the winning side! P.C. WordPress AI images.

Closing Thoughts:

As we approach the end times, the power of Christian prayer is the only way to neutralize, reduce, or outright defeat the Illuminati going forward.

Yesterday, I met with a small group of moms, whom I have been praying with for three years. We come together to pray for our children’s public school, individual students, our own children, and others.  This small group of ladies is called Moms in Prayer. 

It hit me that I am part of a small group of women who hope to change the world, too. 

Are there historical examples of a small group of Christians coming together to pray that actually changed the world? There are indeed!

Examples of prayer-driven change include:

  • Rees Howells and the Bible College of Wales (1930s-1940s): During WWII, Howells and his students held regular, intense prayer meetings, believing their intercession was essential to defeating Nazi Germany.
  • The Hebrides Revival (1949-1952): In Scotland, two elderly, bedridden women prayed for revival, leading to a spiritual movement that swept the islands.
  • The Azusa Street Revival (1906-1915): Continuous prayer meetings in Los Angeles, led by a small group, ignited the global Pentecostal movement.
  • The Fall of the Berlin Wall (1980s): A seven-year global prayer campaign by Open Doors is cited as a significant factor in the unexpected, peaceful collapse of Soviet control in Eastern Europe. (source: Google AI)

If it could be done before, it can be done again. There is definitely spiritual wiggle room to thwart the Illuminati and their evil agenda.

Here are two closing thoughts with corresponding Scripture verses:

One, keep shining the light of Jesus wherever you go, and don’t be afraid to go poking around in dark places. His light within you might illuminate someone in the System who is trapped and seeking a way out. Once they see Jesus in you, they will follow you into the Light.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”  Matthew 5:16

And two, you never have to be afraid, because you have Jesus, and He is more powerful than Lucifer, all of his demons, and those who are deceived and trapped within the Illuminati System, both now and forevermore.

“Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.” I John 4:4

Amen!

_______________________________________________________________________

PS section:

Thank you for reading!  I have organized the P.S. section by topic, so you can quickly skim the entire section and read only the parts that interest you.  Enjoy your extra underground rabbit tunnel!  😊

Personal note:

I am still writing the fiction book I alluded to at the start of the post; however, I put it on pause while researching the Illuminati, as I wanted to write about the System with authority (rather than guesswork). Now that this post is completed, I will be back to writing my work of fiction soon. Please pray for me!

The images in this article were generated through WordPress AI.

Books I used for this article:

Here is the list of all the physical books I used for my research, along with their acronyms and links to order, if you wish:

An Illuminati Primer by Veronica Swift (AIP) available here: https://a.co/d/bS3y4iZ.  And here: An Illuminati Primer, online and for free!

I wanted to say a huge thank you to Veronica Swift for writing this book and starting me on this journey!

He Came To Set the Captives Free by Rebecca Brown (HCTSTCF) available here:  https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/he-came-to-set-the-captives-free_rebecca–brown/247199/#isbn=0883683237

The International Satanic Network Exposed (TISNE), by Makia Freeman, available here: https://a.co/d/05bAqEPj

Lucifer Dethroned (LD), by William Schnoebelen, available here: https://a.co/d/053cXlcr

Deconstructing the Illuminati (DTI) by Kerth Barker, found here: https://a.co/d/00T9vzbM

Cannibalism, Blood Drinking, and High Adept Satanism (CBD and HAS) by Kerth Barker, found here: https://a.co/d/0cWzW2sF

Angelic Defenders and Demonic Abusers (ADDA) by Kerth Barker, found here: https://a.co/d/0iafURn5. This is Kerth’s personal testimony and it is very graphic. 

Abortion is a Satanic Sacrifice (AIASS) by Zachary King, found here: https://a.co/d/0fyslMuB

Inside the Illuminati (ITI) by Mark Dice, found here: https://a.co/d/00P9q9nQ.  To be fair, Mark Dice has written several books about the Illuminati that I did not get to.  Feel free to do your own digging! 

Foundations of Kingdom Living (FOKL) by Jessie Czebotar, found here: https://www.kingdomlivingwithjessie.com/copy-of-ask-a-question

The Franklin Coverup (TFC) by Senator John W. DeCamp, found here: https://a.co/d/02mqO89e

The Music Industry:

A recent story that alludes heavily to Satan being involved in the music industry: My Boyfriend Sold His Soul Then Signed a Record Deal and Blew Up as a Rapper.

A simple internet search reveals many music artists who are said to be tied to the Illuminati. The only problem is that many/all will deny it. Even Madonna wrote a song called “Illuminati” in 2014, but said it was just a song about enlightened thinkers. Many artists use hand gestures or cover one eye (Lady Gaga), but unless and until they come out and say: “Yes, the Illuminati is real, and yes, we serve Lucifer…” it’s hard to know what is true and what is a conspiracy. Here is something to consider, however. In one of her music videos for the song “Like a Pill,” Pink literally and actually has a High Wizard performing spells behind her in the video. Now, why would she do that? The bottom line is that it’s hard to really know what’s going on with the music industry. Time will tell, though. If researcher Mark Dice is right, they will come out in the future and declare that the Illuminati is real, it’s filled with “enlightened thinkers,” and that they all worship Lucifer, who is the correct God. They will then urge mankind to follow the Antichrist and/or Lucifer.

Video of Pink with the High Wizard behind her: Bing Videos. (1:07, 1:25, 1:40 minute marks.)

The Kennedy Assassination:

RFK Jr. asserts that the CIA was involved in his uncle’s murder:

Robert Kennedy Jr. sees ‘overwhelming evidence’ CIA involved in JFK assassination

Kerth Barker:

Kerth wrote extensively on how to defeat the System.  He provides a detailed four-part plan on page 16 of his book, DTI, which I will summarize below. 

To deconstruct the Illuminati, Kerth suggests:

  • The spread of gospel-based Christianity
  • The survival of Israel as a sovereign nation
  • The advancement of scientific thought (his thought process on this has something to do with the fact that the Illuminati requires a population of traumatized, fearful, ignorant, and superstitious people. Scientific thought can help people to reason.  Freedom of thought will help end mind control.)
  • The public needs to be deprogrammed. Kerth details a long thought process dealing with how our world has been brainwashed by propaganda and brainwashing techniques.

On page 105, Kerth was being groomed for a very high position in the Illuminati, but was later able to escape.  Kerth openly writes about the various former resistance groups that have attempted to reform the Illuminati in the past (p. 144 and elsewhere -ADDA). I guess not even the people who run the world are comfortable with all of the Illuminati’s disgusting activities.  Kerth explains, “They wanted to get rid of the MK Ultra abuse (that is where they traumatize children, FYI), the child prostitution, the violent Satanic Rituals, blood rituals, and sex magik.

According to Kerth, some Illuminati insiders have privately admitted to him that the System will soon fail. His logic, in a nutshell, is this: as the world’s population reduces, the Illuminati leaders will then turn on each other.  They will eventually kill each other. They all know that they have plans to kill one another.” (p. 186, C, BD and HAS.)

He also states that the best way to defeat Lucifer is to defuse the conflicts that are growing between Israel and Islam, as well as defusing the political tensions that are being created between the USA and Russia.  (p. 56.)

The Illuminati remain in power through fear and secrecy and by following certain rules and codes for secrecy.  Additionally, they remain in power because Lucifer and his demons are highly powerful, enabling their followers in various ways. Power is often derived from the blood of innocents through sacrifice.  (AIP p. 145-175.)

Kerth states that when the Illuminati take over the world, they will create Utopia. The truth is that the real leaders of the Illuminati are hard-core Satanists. Their goal is to destroy the natural world through geoengineering and to destroy the human race, replacing it with intelligent dehumanized creatures of some kind. (p. 144, ADDA.)

God and the Illuminati:

One of the best parts of my research was finding stories of God directly reaching out in love to those who were part of the System.

Kerth tells the following story:

Once, in the middle of a Satanic ritual where a woman was attempting to call a powerful demon into me (Kerth), four angels of God showed up and disrupted the ceremony.  One of the angels told him, “This is very important.  Do not be afraid.” (page 32, Angelic Defenders and Demonic Abusers).

Another time, one of Kerth’s abusers, named V.P., had beaten him viciously, which left bruises.  A servant in the home came upstairs and took the remainder of the beating for him.  Another female servant, who drove him home, said the following: (p. 63)

“I know you didn’t fall down the stairs, but you’ve got to tell your parents that you did. What I want you to know is that V.P. used to be a good Christian man. But one day in New York City, the devil got hold of V.P. He got a demon in him. And over the years, that demon has gotten stronger while he’s gotten weaker. I’ve prayed for his soul. And I’ve prayed that no demon gets hold of you. If you pray to Jesus, I know he’ll save you from all this.”

And Jesus did!  Kerth is now a Christian and has exited the System.

On another occasion, an angel appeared to him and warned him not to kill his handler, Bob.  “Stop!” This angel said to him. “Think of what they will do to your mother.” (p. 92) 

One final note.  His handler, Bob, later confessed to him, “Listen, I don’t blame you for not wanting to join. I wish I never had. I wish I could leave.  But you know too much. The Baron will never let you go.” (p. 117)

Jessie Czebodar:

In her book, Foundations of Kingdom Living, Jessie details a Satanic ritual during which a baby was supposed to be killed by her in a Catholic Church sanctuary in Rockford, IL. Jessie flat-out refused to perform this ritual and was thrown into a catacomb by one of her handlers. She was left there to (possibly) die.  Jesus came and rescued her, and said to her, “Ask me what you will.”  Jessie thought a moment and said, “I want them all to come out!” Jesus told her she would have to be brave and strong, then opened the church door, and Jessie walked back into the sanctuary, scaring the be-Jesus out of her handlers!  (FOKL p. 62-63)

You can find much more information on Jessie and her story on her website, located here: https://www.kingdomlivingwithjessie.com/jessie

Jessie speaks about the Sovereign Military Order here: Class 3 – Sovereign Military Order – Part 1 Series: Unveiling the System | KingdomLivingwJessie

This is another website she manages: Illuminate the Darkness – For the darkness could hold them no more

William Schnoebelen:

From his book, Lucifer Dethroned, are the following highlights:

William was drawn to secret knowledge and sought to assemble the pieces of an immense, highly secret cosmic jigsaw puzzle. (p. 261). His quest for hidden knowledge led him up to the highest ranks of Masonry. He helped another Satanist put a curse on a wife and mother (p. 175) that ultimately proved to be unsuccessful.  (p. 183.) He stated that serious Satanists are often pillars in their own communities: doctors, lawyers, judges, clergy, and police. (p. 198.) William became a first-degree member of the Illuminati and a very high-level Satanist. (p. 171.)

William has a fascinating testimony, including his stints as a super high-level Mason, a Catholic Priest, a High Priest of Wicca, a very high-level Satanist, a high-level Mormon, a high-ranking Satanist, a lower-level member of the Illuminati, and a Vampire. (p. 260.)

Among other things, Bill found Wicca to be “disillusioning; it was just as full of backbiting, betrayal, doctrinal squabbles, and politics as any other religion.”

He turned to Jesus Christ because a bank teller prayed for him, and after two young women brought him three Christian comic books as a joke.  Later, he read the comic books and prayed to receive Christ by reciting the prayer at the end of one of them. Bill has said of practicing Satanists:

“They know Satan to be a cruel taskmaster. They believe themselves to have a great deal of power and ‘perks,’ but they know, deep down inside, that their reign is a tenuous one.”

I enjoyed learning from the New Age author David Wilcox:

  • David Wilcox, New Age GURU, said whistleblowers from the Cabal have told him that they must operate within a set of rules and that there are benevolent forces (i.e., angels, Jesus, God, etc.) that will prevent them from doing their jobs unless we permit them to enslave us of our own free will. The rules require them to inform us of their actions.  So, they will leave obvious “clues” that appear to be part of history or current events but seem like fiction (movies, music) to “tell us” what is going on. 
  • According to the AI overview on Google, Wilcock’s presentations and related materials state that the central “rule” of the Illuminati is that they must inform humanity of their plans to maintain their power. He suggests that this is why the Cabal employs overt symbolism and propaganda, which require the public’s implicit consent or fear-driven acceptance to maintain control. 
  • My note: The problem is that most people don’t perceive that they are giving tacit permission to the Illuminati to take over the world.  But, unfortunately, human free will and ignorance are the Illuminati’s “legal ground” that allows them to oppress and control people. I write all about “legal ground” that demons desire in my book, here:
  • https://a.co/d/jjVri3O

The Franklin Coverup:

What I love about this book is it shows, to me, the Illuminati in “Damage Control Mode,” where they were so desperate that they had to discredit kids and even put them in jail, and had to murder like 17 people to keep them from testifying to their nefarious plans.  The book was fascinating. 

Here is a summary of the book:

The Franklin Coverup book, written by State Senator John DeCamp, involves a Nebraska statewide financial banking swindle of $40 million, soon exploding into a hideous tale of drugs, Iran-Contra money-laundering, a nationwide child abuse ring, and Satanic ritual murder. One of the key witnesses, a member of a child sexual abuse ring named Paul Bonnaci, also took a private tour of the White House during President Bush Sr.’s tenure.

While investigating the cover-up, the legislative committee’s chief investigator died – suddenly, and violently, like seventeen other people linked to the Franklin case. However, several indictments and even convictions were obtained, including a 15-year prison sentence for Larry King. (TFC p. 224/238)

A groundbreaking account of satanic activities in Nebraska came from a woman named Kathleen Sorenson, a foster mom to several ritualistically abused children, including two girls named Nelly and Kimberly Patterson. (TFC p. 204). She tells a terrifying tale of kids in her care reporting that they had to murder another child or infant before the age of two, children witnessing the deaths of their own friends, children being guided to kill animals, children seeing adults eating the body parts of children, and several other things I cannot mention involving children.

Kathleen Sorenson was well aware that it was dangerous to disclose to the public what she did.  She asked friends to pray for her.

She died in a head-on car crash in October of 1989, which was investigated as a Satanic Suicide Contract Killing.

Senator John DeCamp, the author of this extremely well-written and researched book, represented Paul Bonacci, a boy who had been a member of a Satanic Pedophile Ring, and had witnessed a child being raped and murdered at the Bohemian Grove. Paul Bonacci’s perjury case was suddenly dropped and DeCamp was barred from gaining access to other files in the trial.  He said,

“They dropped the charges so that the truth would never come out.”  (TFC p. 225)

DeCamp had previously stated: “We are ready for trial. When we have the trial, the entire picture of crime, drug dealing, pedophilia and child abuse, and even this Satanic cult activity, will come out, with all the personalities associated with it.” (TFC p. 225)

Here is the statement given by Senator John DeCamp regarding his summary of the case:

I have no doubt that child abuse, pedophilia, illegal drug trafficking, murder, satanic cult activity, theft, and a host of other crimes were involved in what we have come to know as the Franklin scandal. Just as surely do I believe , that there was and is a cover-up. Just as surely do I fear, that nothing will be done about it. So let me conclude by saying simply this: Bill Colby, (former head of the CIA) you were right.  It is too big. I am too small. They are too rich and powerful, and go up too high in business and government, for me to touch them or do anything about it.” (TFC p. 248)

This has Illuminati written all over it!

Please see Appendix A on page 250 of the Franklin Cover-Up, Suspicious Deaths.  There are at least 17 (15 are listed in the appendix, and one is listed in the “Updates” section on page 2 – the suspicious death of Troy Boner). Sadly, former CIA head Bill Colby also died suspiciously; he was fished out a river in front of his house in 1996. (TFC p. 277). But the two deaths that stood out to me were the death of Gary Caradori, the chief investigator for the Franklin Committee.  He had told associates a few days before his death that he had information that would “blow this case wide open.” He died when his plane crashed on July 11, 1990 (along with his eight-year-old son, A.J.).

On page 286, it talks about a Discovery Documentary called The Conspiracy of Silence, which went to great financial pains to produce and verify the accuracy and truthfulness of The Franklin Coverup and its victim-witness, Troy Boner (who later died mysteriously), was suddenly dropped right before it aired on May 3, 1994. 

Bam! All that money, time, and effort, gone.  Because the powers that be pulled it.

Two years later, Senator DeCamp found out why: the documentary connected Franklin to some of this country’s top politicians in Washington, and in the U.S. Congress, with particular attention on those who attended parties held by Larry King at his Washington mansion on Embassy Row and the impropriety of these politicians and businessmen and compromising of these people by Larry King, through drugs and using children for pedophilia.  (TFC p. 287)

I found what I believe to be the unaired documentary of the Franklin Coverup, “Conspiracy of Silence,” here:

There were several children and teens highlighted in the book who gave very damaging testimonies against rich and powerful political and businesspeople.  Many of their children were bullied and threatened (one testimony is of Troy Boner, on page 308, TFC).  The powers that be attempted to discredit them. Please see chapters 20 and 21 on p 305 and 320 for further information on the credibility of the children, including Paul Bonacci, who gave very detailed information on prominent individuals, the Bohemian Grove, and the White House tour he was a part of with a lobbyist named Craig Spence (who also died mysteriously). 

I found the Washington Times article describing this pedophile ring here:

Homosexual prostitution inquiry ensnares VIPs with Reagan, Bush

And here:

Homosexual prostitution inquiry ensnares VIPs with Reagan, Bush

For more details on how the Franklin cover-up connects to prominent officials in Washington, D.C., please read chapter 13 on page 164 of The Franklin Coverup, titled “The Washington Connection.”

To read Paul Bonacci’s extremely graphic testimony of what happened at the Bohemian Grove (child rape and murder, a child pornography snuff film, and extremely graphic and disgusting behavior, etc.), his testimony starts on p. 103.

Here are some rules that the System must follow:

  • One, protect your brother at all costs;
  • Two, the code of silence via torture or death threats;
  • And three, blackmail based on pedophilia. (AIP p. 150, 151, and 168)

There are also secrecy rules:

  • The group’s invisibility must be maintained.
  • They must never reveal to others outside of the group that they are in the group.
  • They must obey orders given by superiors, etc.  (p. 159 C,BD, and HAS)

Infiltrated Institutions:

Please know that not every Catholic, Mason, or Mormon is a part of the System. “To operate with near-complete secrecy and veiled from public view, they hide in plain sight, inside a wide variety of society’s businesses, faith institutions, government offices, and social clubs. Only a small subset of each of these organizations is Luciferian, and the rest are just regular folks.” (AIP p. 191)

Infiltrated groups also include but are not limited to: (some of) the Amish/Hutterite, public servants, the legal system, museums, art galleries, ISST-D, and Banks.  The school systems are all heavily infiltrated, even Christian schools (AIP p. 123).

Most Christian churches are also heavily infiltrated. Elaine states that most high-level Satanists regularly attend Christian churches (HCTSTCF p. 233).

Influential Organizations:

The influential organizations are alleged to include, but are not limited to:

  • The CIA (which, according to one whistleblower, is run by top Illuminati families)
  • The FBI (the Rockefellers were involved in the creation of the FBI, so the FBI has always been an arm of power for the Illuminati)” (p. 196.)
  • The NSA. “The NSA really works for the Illuminati, and most of the population of the U.S. is being watched to some degree.” (p. 198.)  At the beginning of this post, I shared quote from Edward Snowden, who said that the NSA is spying on people without their knowledge or consent.
  • The United Nations. The world’s wealthy Luciferian families control the UN. For them to create their all-powerful global plutocracy, all the diverse cultures of the world must be destroyed.   (CBDHAS p. 183.)
  • The Banks. As Ronald Bernard confirmed, the banks are influential organizations. According to Veronica Swift: “the entire banking institution is one large upper-level Luciferian club.” (AIP p. 131.)

Front Organizations:

There are several Front organizations alleged, including, but not limited to: the Bilderberg Group, the United Nations, the Council on Foreign Relations, the World Health Organization, the World Economic Forum, the World Council of Churches, the FBI, the CIA, the EU, and others. Other whistleblowers also list these organizations.

Daily Practices:

An Illuminati Primer details everything the System is engaged in, including adoption (close to my heart), marriage (they are arranged, manipulated, or used for a cover life), breeder programs, grooming and infant abuse, cross-dressing, rituals, blood drinking, bestiality, child training, pedophilia, homosexuality, blackmail, underground tunnels, and breeding programs. Breeding is a common practice in the System. Breeding women are often chosen from childhood to have children and breed.  They may be selected due to bloodlines.  Children produced from the breeder program are used for sex, organ harvesting, cannibalization, and child sacrifice.  (AIP p. 139.)

Important calendar dates:

  • First, according to Elaine, there are eight “holy days” out of each year when human sacrifice is usually performed, which include Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and as close as possible to the first day of Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. Do you remember how, back in the 1980s, people were finding harmful substances and objects in Halloween candy?  Elaine claims that Satanists were responsible for this epidemic. (HCTSTCF p. 69.)
  • Another whistleblower, Arizona Wilder, confirms the dates that Elaine mentions above. (p. 80 TISNE.) However, in my research, the dates do sometimes differ slightly depending on the whistleblower. 
  • They are important because essential meetings and blood sacrifices take place at these events. Blood sacrifices are necessary because they confer greater power on both the demon and the person. Allister Crowley said: “for the highest spiritual working, one must accordingly choose that victim which contains the greatest and purest force. A male child of perfect innocence and high intelligence is the most satisfactory and suitable victim.” (ITI p. 177.)

George Washington:

According to researcher Mark Dice in his book, Inside the Illuminati, President George Washington said the following in a personal letter that is held in the Library of Congress (on October 24, 1798):  

“It was not my intention to doubt that, the Doctrines of the Illuminati, and principles of Jacobinism had not spread in the United States. On the contrary, no one is more truly satisfied of this fact than I am. The idea that I meant to convey, was, that I did not believe that the Lodges of Free Masons in this Country had, as Societies , endeavoured to propagate the diabolical tenets of the first, or pernicious principles of the latter (if they are susceptible of seperation). That Individuals of them may have done it, or that the founder , or instrument employed to found, the Democratic Societies in the United States, may have had these objects; and actually had a seperation of the People from their Government in view, is too evident to be questioned.”

Here is a link to the actual letter at the Library of Congress:

The post I wrote on the end times: https://permission2speakfreely.com/2025/09/19/its-the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it/

Please support me by ordering my book: https://a.co/d/c3gBiIN

Thank you for reading all the way until the very end.  God bless you!

It’s The End of the World as We Know It

Rapture dreams, the Illuminati’s focus on the Antichrist, and the soon return of Jesus Christ

A few years ago, I asked my dad, an agnostic Baby Boomer former Hippie who attended Woodstock, his thoughts on the crazy times we were living in at the time.  Since he personally lived through and experienced many historical moments, I thought he would reassure me with a casual comment such as,

“Well, similar things were happening back in ‘69, so don’t worry, it will all settle back down in a year or two…” 

He thought for a moment and then said something completely unexpected:

“I think we are heading into the end times.”

I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my irreligious father, whom I had been sharing God’s love with for forty years, with no spiritual movement on his end.

Fast forward to September 2025.  It appears that there is growing momentum toward my dad’s mindset, with many people speculating that the rapture (definition forthcoming) may occur this coming September 2025, sometime within Rosh Hashanah

Regarding the timing of Jesus’ second coming, the Bible states that “no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” However, many people believe that this phrase is a Jewish idiom referring to the Feast of Trumpets, also known as Rosh Hashanah. 

So, are we heading into what the Bible refers to as the end times? And will the rapture occur this coming September 23rd or 24th?

The truth is that I have no idea, and nobody else does either. But I do think we are getting closer.  Maybe very close!

The goal of this post is to provide you, dear reader, with some interesting and compelling information related to end-time events. I desire that this material will draw you closer to God and prepare you for whatever may come. 

For context, the following blog post presents my opinion on a complex subject matter.  I cannot write with any sense of authority. 

But can I write with a sense of curiosity and with the mission to figure everything out?  Absolutely!

First, a brief overview and clarification of key terms are provided.

The book of Revelation details the very challenging time preceding the second coming of Jesus Christ, when Jesus returns as a reigning King who will conquer evil, judge humanity, and establish a new Heaven and Earth. During the seven years of the “Great Tribulation,” there will emerge an evil Anti-Christ figure who will deceive the world into following and worshiping Satan. Jesus will ultimately defeat both the Anti-Christ and the devil.

The end times refer to the last seven years of life as we know it, before Jesus returns to earth for His earthly 1000-year reign.  The second half of the seven years will be more difficult than the first.

The rapture of the church (the belief that Jesus will snatch away His believers) is mentioned in books preceding the book of Revelation. The idea is that believers in Jesus Christ will be lifted away from the three sets of wrath (wrath of the Lamb, of Satan, and of God) that the earth will endure. Refer to the P.S. section for scriptural references and a detailed examination of all things related to the end times.

The following are three reasons why I believe we are nearing the end.

Scripture and Societal Unraveling:

We are living in crazy times! I have felt this way since COVID-19 in 2020. It’s easy to see that some of what the Bible says concerning the signs of the end times is upon us.  Jesus said that in the last days there will be an uptick in wars, famines, earthquakes, persecution, and deceptive leaders.  Timothy, another Biblical writer, says that “in the last days, people will be lovers of themselves, boastful and proud, and lovers of money.”  In addition, our society is unraveling before our eyes, at least to some degree and in some localities. The recent assassination of Charlie Kirk is one example.  Rising crime rates and international instability (Russia invading Ukraine, and conflicts surrounding Israel) are other examples.

Many pastors and theologians could summarize the biblical signs of the coming end times more effectively (or differently) than I can.  

Instead, I would like to highlight two other angles that I believe are very compelling.

End Times Dreams:

There have been many people of all ages (including young children) who, over the last few months and years, have experienced rapture or end-time-related dreams and visions with eerily similar threads.  Many people report that Jesus appears to them to tell them one of four things: one, He is coming back soon; two, the rapture is happening soon (like September 23-25 of this year soon); three, the end times are upon us; or four, how God spoke to them about a three-day darkness event, with the rapture occurring within those three days.  

These dreams, visions, and prophecies align with the Bible. 

According to Acts 2:17:

“And it shall come to pass that in the last days, I will pour out my Spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and daughters shall prophecy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams.”

It would be very easy for me to dismiss the dreams, visions, prophecies, and testimonies, except for one teeny tiny problem:

Three people in my immediate circle also had similar dreams. 

Below is a recap of those dreams.   

Rapture Dream (close friend Felita): Felita finally finishes the book she has been writing for two years and closes her laptop with a sense of satisfaction.  She hears a trumpet blast.  Immediately, she is brought up to Heaven in the rapture and sees Jesus.  She is filled with complete joy and peace.  She wakes up. 

Second Coming of Jesus Dream (daughter): My daughter is driving past a field, notices cars pulled over, and sees people outside of their vehicles, looking out. She exits her car and notices that the sky is dark, cloudy, and electric, with a visible rainbow in the lower portion of the sky.  A massive bolt of lightning strikes the ground. She looks up and sees Jesus appear in the sky.  My daughter falls to her knees in awe.  She then hears screaming and notices that people next to her have fallen to their knees, screaming in terror.  My daughter’s impression is that these people are screaming because they realize that Jesus is here, that they have been wrong about Him the whole time, and that death and suffering await them in Hades. She wakes up.

Post Rapture Apocalypse Dream (family): This person is driving through a destroyed city on a bike, attempting to escape a horde of people who are trying to kill him.  He is on the run because a horrible person is trying to force everyone to take a mark on their hand or forehead to survive, and he refuses to accept this mark. He wakes up!  This person has experienced the same dream three times consecutively.

I asked him if he thought he was “left behind” after the rapture.  He said, “Maybe God left me behind for a reason.”

But if biblical signs and dreams with common threads were not enough for you, I understand.  However, here is one final perspective to consider, one that you have most likely never encountered before.

You’re not going to like this, but according to the Luciferian Brotherhood, a group of high-ranking Satanists who run the world, we are very close to the end times. 

First, a moment of context. A few months ago, I began researching the fiction book I am writing, with an emphasis on the elusive organization known as the Illuminati. At first, I thought the Illuminati was all conspiracy hogwash, and that I would find very little to support the claim that this organization even exists!

Turns out, the Illuminati does exist!

By divine providence, I came across an excellent book called An Illuminati Primer.  The book uses the testimonies of several defectors, whistleblowers, survivors, and escapees to paint a very horrifying picture of this elusive group called the Illuminati. I will link the book in the P.S. section.

Also called the Luciferian Brotherhood, the System, the Cabal, and the Deep State, etc., the Illuminati is a highly secretive medium to large group of people at every level of life and government, who have infiltrated the whole world with an evil, Satanic agenda, whose goal is to worship Satan and do whatever he pleases, and also to set up government, religious, and monetary systems which will be used to introduce and support the Anti-Christ. The Anti-Christ will claim to be the second coming of Christ and bring a false peace to the world. He will force everyone to take a mark or a chip to buy and sell. He will eventually force people to worship him, while he himself worships Satan, a.k.a. Lucifer. The end goal of all of this is for Satan to raise an army of human beings who are possessed by demons, with the intent to take over God’s throne and thus rule not only the world but the entire universe.

Does this all sound too lofty and out of reach for you?  Does your personal worldview not include God, the devil, or a spiritual world?  If that’s the case, I understand. The author of the book, Veronica Swift, points out that you don’t have to believe in God, Satan, or any higher power to educate yourself with this book and understand the organization’s agenda. 

But you must understand this: they themselves strongly believe in all of it, and everything they are doing now is for a larger purpose, which is mainly to honor and glorify their god, Lucifer, and organize themselves around a one-world system that is focused on the installation of the Anti-Christ.

These people are powerful, well-connected, and well-funded.  Dismiss them at your own peril.

I will now present what the Illuminati is focused on. 

Again, you are not going to like it. 

The Illuminati and the Anti-Christ:

Much of what the Illuminati is doing these days seems to revolve around preparations for what are termed the ‘end times,’ or what Christians might know as the Apocalypse predicted in the Bible’s New Testament Book of Revelation. This System orchestrated End Times is also called the Great Deception, because when the Anti-Christ springs on the scene and the masses of people worldwide become aware of him for the first time, they are supposed to be in awe of him and believe that he is the second coming of Christ.” (p. 47)

According to one key whistleblower, the Anti-Christ has taken over a key leadership position which was once held by a woman called the Queen Mother of Darkness in the year 2020 (p. 49).  The implication is that the Anti-Christ is just waiting for his cue to sweep in and rule the world.

In my humble opinion, that cue will be the rapture of the Church, or if the United States is greatly minimized or destroyed, and/or the System’s goals (monetary, religious, government) are in place.

The New World Order:

Another key insight I gained from this book is that several key objectives of the New World Order must be fully implemented. Their goals are as follows:

  • One, they wish to take over and govern the world.
  • Two, the U.S. currency must be totally devalued.
  • Three, they will create a second pandemic, which is highly fatal to young children.
  • Finally, they wish to implement hate laws against Christianity, Judaism, and any political group that does not agree with the agenda.” (Chapter 22.)

Digging deeper into these four goals, you can see that the folks behind the Anti-Christ agenda need a period of worldwide instability to set the stage for this helpful and amazing Anti-Christ figure to step in and fix everything.

Do you think our world is becoming increasingly unstable?  I do!

I will now transition to what I believe still must take place before the seven-year window begins.  With that said, the seven-year window could start, and then the following three things will fall into place afterwards.  Both options are possible.

A Great Shaking to Awaken:

I believe that the world must experience a Great Awakening (revival) event first, which will bring many people into the family of God.  There are some signs that this movement is happening as we speak, with the recent assassination of Charlie Kirk and the outpouring of support, an increase in church attendance, and many college campuses and students experiencing spiritual awakening.  In addition, Mel Gibson has finally started filming the sequel to The Passion of the Christ (August 2025), which I believe God will use to draw people to Himself. Many prophetic intercessors are also speaking about potential challenging future events that will shake people awake, with an outpouring of God’s Spirit to follow.

The Third Temple in Jerusalem Rebuilt, and the Gospel Preached:

Certain Biblical events must happen before the end, among them: the Temple in Israel must be rebuilt, and the gospel must be preached to the entire world.  Some people believe that the Red Heifer must also be sacrificed after the Temple is built.

Based on the limited research I have conducted, we are still some distance away from realizing those first two goals.

The Temple is important because when it is finally rebuilt, the Anti-Christ can stand in the middle of it and claim to be God (or Messiah).  (An Illuminati Primer, page 50.)

The Acceptance of Extra-Terrestrial Entities:

At some point in the future, either before or after the rapture, there will be an introduction and acceptance of Extra-Terrestrial entities.  They may promise help and technology, but don’t be deceived.  After much research, I have learned that the message of the extraterrestrial entities has proven to be New-Age, anti-Christian, and mirroring a false end-times scenario. These demonic aliens will no doubt deceive many people to align with the Anti-Christ and to receive his mark, to trust in him, and to worship him. They will also deceive mankind into believing that the rapture of God is a removal of the undesirables who have outdated religious thoughts. These demonic aliens will promote world peace through a one-world spiritual system, a one-world government, and a one-world leader of their choosing. Their covert goals are to abolish all systems that are based on the Bible and begin the Age of Aquarius (a period of time based on intellectualism, equality, innovation, and global interconnectedness).

If the goals of the Extra Terrestrials sound like the goals of the Illuminati, they are! I also find it interesting that UFOs are all over the news.  Consider the interstellar object called 31 Atlas. It’s large, very fast, has no tail like a typical comet, and has a puzzling forward glow. It is set to come close to our sun in late October 2025 (coming right up). A Harvard professor thinks it could be alien technology. 

The Collapse of the U.S. Dollar:

The Anti-Christ system is a one-world monetary system, run by Lucifer and the System.  That means the U.S. dollar cannot be the world’s currency.  There are signs that the U.S. dollar is weakening, and world leaders are coalescing around other currencies and economic opportunities. I also theorize that the Anti-Christ needs to move the whole world to a digital platform to control people. When both happen, buckle up.   

Closing Thoughts:

This was a hard post for me to write. I don’t want to put my neck out and be wrong.  However, I also feel a moral and spiritual obligation to share my thoughts on what I am learning. 

If indeed we are embarking on the end times, I am praying and asking God to stay behind and not be raptured up.  I want to be a resource for people and lovingly point them to Christ in their hour of need.  I realize that, if I stay, it will make my life much more complicated, and that I could be killed for my beliefs, as I refuse to take the mark or bend the knee to the Anti-Christ.

This morning, I woke up extra early and asked God to speak to me about the end times.  To be honest, I got nothing.  So, I will continue to watch and wait, pray for wisdom and discernment, and share the gospel as much as I can (in a normal, non-panicky way).

I will close on a positive note!

Remember my agnostic dad that I mentioned at the beginning of this post?  I was thrilled to hear that he recently asked Jesus Christ to forgive him of his sins and come into his heart and life to be his Savior, God, and King.  He is a new creation in Jesus Christ and is slowly growing closer to God every day!

For those of you who are undecided about God and Jesus, I would like to offer you one final thought, as it pertains to my daughter’s dream. 

In her dream, as soon as she saw Jesus, she fell to her knees in awe and reverence.  Others fell on their faces, screaming in terror.  There is an interesting Bible verse that lines up with her dream.

Revelation 1:7 says:

“Behold, He is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him, and all the tribes on earth will wail on account of Him.”

Trust me, at the very end, you don’t want to be on your knees wailing.

Please consider allowing Jesus to come into your heart, forgive you of your sins, and start a new life with Him. The gospel is this: God sent His only son, so that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life. 

Thank you for reading this sobering post.  May God bless you and may God continue to bless America (and keep its currency strong). 😊

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P.S. Thank you for reading. Below is further reading on the end times, links to the two books I mentioned, and the chapter on the book of Revelation I wrote for my book.  Happy digging!

I used A.I. images for the photos in this post.

Scriptural references for the rapture include: I Thes, 4:13-18, I Cor. 15: 51, Matt. 24: 40, and Luke 17: 34 -34).

Scriptural references for the end times include Matthew, chapters 24-25. Jesus’s end-times discourse of what will indicate the time of the end consists of wars, famines, earthquakes, persecution, and deceptive leaders. In addition, 2 Timothy chapter 3 states that, “there will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, and unholy.” There are several other Biblical references for the end times.

You can order the Illuminati Primer here: https://veronicaswift.blog/book/an-illuminati-primer/

You can also listen to it for free on Amazon and Spotify. Here: https://a.co/d/7kVd0W5

You can order my book, which will help you to manage demonic spirits, evil in general, and will get you prepared for the end times, here: https://a.co/d/bINKAtm

Finally, if you have a few minutes to read or skim, below is the complete chapter from my book on the book of Revelation and the end times.

CHAPTER 11

THE END TIMES

The Book of Revelation, the coming deception, the Anti-Christ, and preparation for the end times.

I am a child of the 1980s and remember my sister and I watching A Thief in the Night, a four-part rapture series at our youth group. Those movies were terrifying in their own low-budget, cheesy Christian sort of way, and I made an inner vow that I would never, ever take the “mark of the beast” when the time came.

Fast forward to 1988, when my entire family read the book called 88 Reasons Why the Rapture Will Be in 1988 by Edgar C Whisenant. I admit the book was interesting and compelling, and probably did serve to curb my teenage rebellious steak a little. Personally, I didn’t really believe that the actual rapture would happen in 1988, as the Bible says that “no one knows the day or the hour, only God,” (see Matthew 24:36) as to the timing of the rapture. 

Around that time, I had a friend whose dad was a pastor and had read this book, along with his wife. They were convinced that Jesus was coming back in 1988! However, they were not so convinced that their rebellious teenage daughter (my friend) would be “caught up in the clouds,” as they say. 

Her parents would drop her off at school and tell her: “Now remember, if we are raptured during the day today, and you are still here, you can go stay with your grandma,” while they shooed her out of the car and off to school. 

1988 came and went. Fast forward to 2023. One sunny summer day, my agnostic, Baby Boomer dad and I were talking about how America had drastically changed, disturbing natural and man-made events were occurring all over the world, and the fabric of society was unraveling before our very eyes. I had been wondering if he had any thoughts on what was going on. 

He blandly replied: “I think we are heading into the end times.”

I looked at my dad in disbelief! I couldn’t believe that he would come up with that theory on his own, especially as an agnostic. 

In this chapter, I want to do some shallow digging into the most difficult and controversial book of the entire Bible: the Book of Revelation. My goal is to help all of us with simple tools, some spiritual in nature, in the event we are indeed heading into the time right before the second coming of Jesus Christ. 

This chapter is also futuristically written for those who are “left behind,” as they say, or those who come into a relationship with the Lord after the rapture has occurred. 

A few qualifiers

I must confess that this chapter was not in the original draft, and I never wanted to touch the end times or the Book of Revelation with a ten-foot pole. But in my spirit and my gut, I wonder that we are heading into the time of the last days, for a variety of reasons. My hesitation in writing on this chapter is that I am not a theologian or a pastor. But then it occurred to me that it’s okay to offer a layperson’s perspective on spiritual topics, as this is one of the main themes of this book you are currently reading!

So, please understand that this chapter is mostly conjecture and speculation on my part. And to be fair, there is no layman or seasoned professional who knows exactly what the period known as the end times is going to look like. In addition, no one knows the timing of the rapture. 

Feel free to take this chapter with a grain of salt and do your own research! Before we work our way through the weeds, I will offer an overview of the Book of Revelation. 

The Book of Revelation in a nutshell

Below are the major themes of the Book of Revelation (and other biblical content preceding it):

  • Jesus is coming back to earth for a second time. Every person will see Him. Those who don’t know Him or believe in Him will mourn when He returns. I believe that they will mourn because they know that they didn’t choose to believe in Him while they had their opportunities, and they will have received many opportunities preceding this moment. 
  • At some point, God will rapture Christians to heaven to be with Jesus as He comes to earth for the second time. In the Greek, the word for rapture is harpazo, which translates to “snatch” or “take away.” Many Bible scholars and theologians believe this will happen at the outset of the Great Tribulation, but there are differences in opinion on this.
  • There will be a great deception, where Satan and his demons will deceive the whole world into following an Anti-Christ figure. This person will be controlled or possessed by Satan and will rule over all the inhabitants of the earth, and force everyone to take a mark or symbol. This mark will enable people to buy food and other necessities to survive but will also require they show worship and alignment with this person. I have an opinion about how the whole world will be deceived, which I will share in a moment. 
  • Satan’s goals are to make war against the saints (meaning Christians), and to deceive the whole world into worshipping him, thus ultimately destroying them in the process.
  • The Great Tribulation is a time of God’s judgment and wrath (one definition of wrath is “anger at sin”) being poured out on the earth, which will lead to many distressing natural disasters and other challenging events. It will last seven years, with the first half being very difficult and disruptive but less horrific than the second half. The second half will be catastrophic, and many millions or even billions of people will likely perish. 
  • God will still draw people to Himself despite the chaos and suffering. There will likely be a large revival preceding the coming judgments and smaller revivals within the seven-year period. An Angel of God will fly out over the whole earth, to be visible to all people, both to draw people to God, and to warn people to refrain from taking the mark of the AntiChrist. Two times in the Book of Revelation it states that even through all the suffering, people still do not repent of their sin and worship God. Despite mankind resisting Him, God still attempts to draw humans to Himself, as He wishes none to perish, but everyone to turn to Him.
  • The Battle of Armageddon is a huge war between good and evil. It occurs at the very end of the great tribulation. God wins. 
  • The Millennial Reign of Christ occurs when Jesus comes to earth again. Jesus Christ will become the actual and physical King over all the earth. This period will last 1,000 years. There will be a new Heaven and a new Earth. 
  • The Great White Throne Judgment will occur after the 1,000-year reign. This is the judgment for fallen angels, Satan, and those who, of their own free will, did not choose Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord while they were alive on earth. If anyone chooses the mark of the Anti-Christ, unfortunately, they will suffer for all eternity in hell. 

A few thoughts on the coming judgments.

There will be three “waves” or sets of judgments. The first set of judgments is called the Seven Seal judgments. This includes the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which many have heard of. 

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are the first judgments out of the gate and begin the time of distress on the earth. The first horse is white and symbolic of the rule and reign of the Anti-Christ. The second horse is red and is associated with war. The third horse is black and is associated with scarcity (implying food, water, or resource shortages). The last horse is the worst of this first grouping: it is a pale horse and is associated with the death of one-quarter of the world’s population through war, famine, disease, and wild or evil creatures. 

If you do the math, during the first set of judgments, it is possible that up to two billion people will perish.

Two billion!

Interestingly, these first seven judgments are like the Egyptian plagues from the Book of Exodus. 

The second set of judgments is called the Seven Trumpets judgments, and the final set is called the Seven Bowls judgments. The judgments get progressively worse and cause cataclysmic world events, resulting in the deaths of many people, animals, and other forms of life. 

The trouble on the earth includes, but is not limited to the following: an increase of evil; the outbreak of many wars; death, destruction, earthquakes, famines, food shortages, undrinkable water, pain, and anguish; fire that burns a significant portion of the earth; large hailstones; a large star falling to the earth and poisoning the drinking water; evil locusts that torture people, and much more.

Right before the last set of judgments, an Angel goes out to the whole earth and urges mankind to turn from their sin and receive the gospel of Jesus, because the hour of His judgment is close.

This is what the Angel says in Revelation 14: 

“Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of His judgment has come, and worship Him who made heaven and earth, the sea and the springs of water” (v. 7).

“If anyone worships the beast and its image and receives its mark, they too will drink the wine of God’s fury” (v. 9).

“They will be tormented with burning sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and of the Lamb” (v. 10).

Evil beasts during the end times?

I want to speak briefly about the concept of evil beasts as part of the fourth judgment. Ezekiel 34:25 says, “I will make with them a covenant of peace and banish wild beasts from their land.”

Except, when you look at the actual Greek word used for “wild” it is ra which translates to “evil.”  

It is well known in Satanism that there are shapeshifters, werewolves, and other evil creatures that Satan uses to accomplish his purposes. Rebecca told a story in one of her books where she was driving home one night, and her car suddenly stopped working. Up ahead, she saw a werewolf, who told her (through her thoughts) that he was going to kill her. She rebuked it and commanded it to leave in Jesus’s name. It went. 

One of her clients told her that werewolves were used heavily in Satanism to punish wayward members. I have listened to many stories of dogmen, wendigo, skin-walkers, not-deer, and similar creatures, who have glowing red eyes and project hate and fear wherever they go. I have heard stories of people tracking large wolf tracks that gradually shift over to human footprints! One YouTuber, who documents these types of stories, claims that sightings and encounters of these creatures are on the rise. 

Who is to say they won’t make an appearance during the end times? If you happen to be the unfortunate soul who comes across some of these monsters, resist fear and stand your ground. Rebuke them, renounce them, and command them to leave in Jesus’s name.  

Are we nearing the end?

I personally believe we are closer to the second coming of Jesus Christ. Here are a few reasons why I think this is true: 

  • Chaos in the Middle East
  • Israel becoming a state after 1,900 years
  • The spread of the gospel to remote regions
  • Signs in the heavens and the earth (the rise in major earthquakes, for example)
  • The spread of evil and occult acceptance
  • Declining moral standards and societal unraveling
  • A rise in interest and acceptance of the extraterrestrial phenomena

Below is a passage in the Book of Matthew from the very words of Jesus. I will highlight the main themes. As you read His words, ask yourself if what He says to be on guard for is happening today. 

Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. 

Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come” (Matthew 24:4-14).

While I don’t have time to get into deep theology in this book, I would like to point out that major earthquakes have been increasing dramatically since the 1980s; Israel is a state again after 1900 years of being exiled and spread out (see the article in My Jewish Learning by Jeremy Moses); wars are certainly on the increase; many Christians have begun to turn away from the gospel, and Christian persecution is on the rise. 

I don’t personally know whether the gospel has now been preached to the world. I have heard many stories of Muslims and those of other faiths having dreams about Jesus, and them eventually converting to Christianity. It seems to me that we are indeed closer to the second coming of Jesus Christ, which leads me to my next point. 

The timing of the rapture

There is a heated debate among Christians regarding the timing of the rapture. Will it come right before the start of the seven years, in the middle, or towards the end? 

Most traditional Christian theologians and Bible scholars believe it will occur before the seven-year tribulation begins. This is called the pre-tribulation rapture theory in Christian bubbles. Others believe that the rapture will occur about halfway through it (3.5 years into the process) before God’s wrath is poured out and catastrophic events occur.

A minority of Christians postulate that all believers will go through the entire tribulation period but be protected from God’s judgments, as they will be protected by some sort of seal. Although there may be a certain protection against God’s judgments, unfortunately, the Bible indicates that many Christians will still be martyred for their faith in Christ during this time.

My personal thought is that the rapture will occur halfway through the seven-year period, but we shall see. I would rather be completely ready in the event we have to go through some, half, or all seven years of the tribulation period. 

The Boy Scouts’ motto is one we should all live in accordance with:

Be prepared.

The Anti-Christ

A religious and political leader called the Anti-Christ will emerge and will most likely bring some sort of peace and economic stability to the world, as well as usher in a one-world currency and one-world government. This person will rule and reign on earth for three and a half years. 

In the Greek language, anti-Christ means “Christ Counterfeit.” The Bible states that the Anti-Christ will have been mortally wounded and have come back to life, and his False Prophet (the person who supports him and points to his authority) will perform many signs and wonders. This will result in much deception and worship of the AntiChrist (also referred to as the Beast in Scripture). 

There are at least six Bible verses regarding the Anti-Christ, including the following: Daniel 7:24, Matthew 24:24, 2 Thessalonians 2:3, 1 John 2:18, 2 John 7, and Revelation 13:1-10. I will highlight a few of these verses.

Revelation 13:5-8 states:  

“The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise his authority for forty-two months (3.5 years). He opened his mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in heaven. He was given the power to make war against the saints and to conquer them. And he was given authority over every tribe, people, language, and nation. All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast—all whose names have not been written in the Book of Life.”

In Revelation 13:16-17, it says:

“He causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their foreheads, and that no one may buy or sell.”

According to 2 Thessalonians 2:3-4, and Revelation 13:14, the Beast will attempt to deceive the entire world. Two highlights of the verses are as follows: 

“Don’t let anyone deceive you in any way, and it (the Beast) deceived the inhabitants of the earth. It ordered them to set up an image in honor of the beast who was wounded by the sword and yet lived.”

So how exactly will the whole world be deceived? I have a theory. 

The UFO and extraterrestrial phenomena

Many years ago, I worked at Concerned Women for America (CWA), a conservative women’s public policy organization. I was friends with the girls who worked in the radio department and often wandered over to their section of the office building to chat with them. The radio department was sent a huge number of books from budding authors in hopes that CWA would feature them on their radio show. 

One day, I picked up a random book about UFOs, alien life forms, and extraterrestrial (E.T.) beings from a Christian perspective. The author asserted (with research) that whenever these E.T. aliens appeared to people, many times they had a strangely anti-Christian religious message to give to them. The aliens would say, in effect: “Shake off your old religious ways and come into a higher way of thinking.” They may have said seemingly nice things to people too, about technology and resources, but I don’t remember. However, I found it strange that their anti-Christian messages were repeated to numerous people with whom they made contact.

Fast forward to today. 

I honestly didn’t believe in the E.T. phenomenon, but I perked up when the U.S. government finally admitted to the existence of UFOs and other unexplained anomalous phenomena (U.A.P.s), after decades of ignoring or denying it. The federal government even hosted a hearing in the U.S. Senate on the topic. The hearing included three military veterans who testified that the U.S. government had operated a secret multi-decade reverse engineering program of recovered vessels. They also stated that the U.S. had recovered non-human “biologics” from alleged crash sites (Romo & Chappell, 2023).  

I am currently reading a book by Missler and Eastman called Alien Encounters, where the authors assert that extraterrestrial (E.T.) beings are giving a more “New Age” message to psychic medium channelers, who then have written numerous books on their messages and goals. The aliens communicate messages that are different from what you might expect. 

Below are a few highlights of what I discovered in this book:

  • Their messages are primarily apocalyptic, religious, and antiBiblical (p. 254).
  • Lucifer is a misunderstood extraterrestrial who gives us a gift of freedom. If we accept this gift, then we are free. This is the Luciferian initiation. It is one that many people know, and in the days ahead, will be facing, for it is an initiation into the New Age (p. 157-158).
  • There will be a mass evacuation of people on earth who do not fit Mother Earth’s vibrations because of their traditional religious thinking (This is discussed in detail in Chapter 9 and summarized on p. 184).
  • Mother Earth will experience changes such as earthquakes, famine, pestilence, wars, poverty, and violence. These are simply “birth pangs” of Mother Earth as she attempts to usher in a new age of peace and prosperity followed by global governance” (p. 177).
  • The E.T.s advocate for a world leader who will “unify the world in peace and brotherhood with technological answers to solve our problems” (p. 177). This evacuation is to remove those who no longer fit in, those whose thought patterns are of the past (p. 186). After certain people are removed, and when enough people have the right vibrations, the New Age of peace, harmony, and brotherhood will arrive (pp. 178, 191-192, etc.).
  • The earth’s changes are not the wrath of God, but rather they are the birth pangs of our Earth Mother who is trying to expel the “dark forces” from her surface so she can evolve. They also state that there will be an arrival of a new, highly evolved humanoid-hybrid species, which will be in vibration or harmony with Mother Earth (p. 256).
  • Jesus is a superior E.T., who will also return with other UFO spaceships at the right time, and all people on earth will indeed witness this. He will come surrounded by a fleet of glittering spaceships, objects which you call UFOs (p. 155).
  • During abduction and channeling experiences, aliens give prophetic messages (which often turn out to be false) and profess a benevolent purpose while doing painful experiments and performing sexual activities with their human victims (p. 248).
  • According to the teachings of the Pleiadeans (a group of evolved E.T.s), “mankind stands at a quantum leap of evolution that will abolish religious and government systems as we know them” (p. 148).
  • Lastly, many thousands of people claim to have been removed from their homes or other locations by E.T.s and are sexually assaulted or have some kind of sexual experimentation conducted on them. These activities suggest or infer that the E.T.s are attempting to make a humanoidhybrid species, as they have indicated to psychic medium channelers (pp. 256, 259).

What the UFO experts say

Many mostly secular UFO researchers have concluded that modernday aliens may very well be the equivalent of fallen angels who are demonic entities (Missler & Eastman, 2023, p. 247).

According to Dr. Pierre Guerin, a well-known UFO researcher, “UFO behavior is more akin to magic than to physics as we know it…the modern UFO-nauts and the demons of past days are probably identical” (p. 247).

John Keel is an internationally renowned UFO researcher who stated: 

Demonology is the ancient and scholarly study of demons who have co-existed with man throughout history. The manifestations and occurrences described in this imposing literature (in other words, demonology literature) are similar, if not entirely identical, to the UFO phenomenon itself. Victims of demonomania (possession) suffer the very same medical and emotional symptoms as the UFO contactees. The UFO manifestations seem to be, by and large, merely minor variations of the age-old demonological problem (p. 248).

Stuart Goldman concluded his research with the following comments: 

50,000 people cannot be lying. Something is here – probing them, inspecting them, and planting thoughts in their minds. Are we seeing the formation of a new and highly destructive cult, one whose views posit the elimination of people who are unfit to exist in the coming New World? Are they really demonic entities hovering about, searching for likely candidates…the answer is not easily forthcoming (p. 249250).

Gordon Creighton, editor of the British periodical Flying Saucer Review said: 

“Many of the UFO reports now being published in the popular press recount alleged incidents that are strikingly similar to demonic possession. I do believe that the great bulk of these phenomena are what is called Satanic” (p. 258).

Jaques Vallee, who received much criticism from fellow researchers for his views, stated the following: 

I pointed out in the “Invisible College” that the structure of abduction stories was identical to that of occult initiation rituals. I had shown in “Passport to Magonia” (his previous work) that contact with UFO-nauts was only a modern-day extension of the age-old tradition of contact with non-human consciousness in the form of angels, demons, elves, and sylphs. Such contact includes abduction, ordeal (including surgical operations), and sexual intercourse with aliens. It often leaves marks and scars on the body and the mind, as do UFO abductions (p. 253).

“Even secular researchers have concluded that the UFOs and their occupants are demonic” (Miller & Eastman, 2023, p. 321).

In summary, the message of the extraterrestrial entities has proven to be New-Age, anti-Christian, and mirroring a false, end-times scenario. These demonic aliens will no doubt deceive many millions of people to align with the Anti-Christ and to receive his mark, to trust in him, and to worship him. They will also deceive mankind into believing that the rapture of God is a removal of the undesirables who have outdated religious thoughts. 

The demonic aliens are in lockstep with the goals of the New Age movement. As touched on in the last chapter, their goals are to create world peace through unification in a one-world spiritual system and a one-world government through a one-world leader of their choosing.

Their covert goals are to abolish all systems that are based on the Bible and begin the Age of Aquarius. They endeavor to convert Western religious beliefs into those of Eastern thought (Miller & Eastman, 2023, p. 145). 

E.T.s and the name of Jesus

I have no direct knowledge of anyone experiencing contact with an extraterrestrial demonic being. I did a quick look online and found the following from a former New Ager turned Christian who worked with many individuals with these experiences. 

This is what she had to say:

Having worked as a secular Counselor previously (Mental Health, Trauma, Bereavement) and with many traumatic alien abduction cases, as well as a hypnotherapist, I also ran experiencer support groups for those who were having abduction experiences. I believe the entities are NOT Extraterrestrial biological entities from other stars, planets, or galaxies but rather

interdimensional in their nature and demonic in the entirety of their being. I also believe they have supernatural abilities to cross the veil at their will and they do, and that they have what we would call shape-shifting abilities to present /however they want YOU to perceive them. They are masters of manipulation and deception. Remember that these entities are imposters for being represented as Benevolent.

This person ended their summary with probably the most important thing they could say, and it goes in keeping with the book you are holding in your hand: 

I want to make a point loud and clear that if the mentioning of the name of JESUS is powerful enough to make those socalled “Aliens” flee, then they are NOT Aliens indeed. They are demonic entities. They will flee and instantaneously dissolve right before your eyes, with the name of JESUS (Nachtigal, 2021).

In my research, I was able to locate testimonies of those who have experienced E.T.s from a Christian angle. One website is the “Alien Resistance HQ” at http://www.alienresistance.org/, which goes into long accounts of biblical truths about the description of angels, fallen angels, aliens, and UFOs.

Rebecca had a client who was experiencing demonic oppression.

Her client later admitted that she encountered a UFO spacecraft and God had warned her to look away. She dismissed the still small voice and watched it for quite some time. She ended up experiencing demonic oppression and came to Rebecca for help. Rebecca stated the following: “That was the doorway. I always suspected that the UFOs were demonic phenomena, especially in light of the tremendous emphasis placed on them by the New Age movement and other pagan religions” (Brown, 1992, in “Prepare for War,” p. 299.)  

Spiritual preparation for the end times

I will close out this chapter with a few thoughts on ways to be prepared in the event we find ourselves alive during the great tribulation (or more likely the time preceding it). Please pray about ways you can be on guard and act in accordance with the times we are living in. 

First, we will all need wisdom and patient endurance. In Revelation 13:18 we read: “This calls for wisdom. Let the person with insight calculate the number of the beast…666.”  

In Revelation 14:12, it says “This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep his commands and remain faithful to Jesus.”  

Be on guard against deception. Ask God to protect your heart and mind. Pray against a spirit of deception and a lying spirit. Continually read and study the word of God, so that you will have wisdom, and avoid being deceived. 

Get prepared with food, water, and provisions. As we don’t know when the rapture could occur, it’s good to be ready. Have a plan of where to go (and with like-minded people) in the event things get crazy. 

Remember you will need freshwater in abundant supply. Think about living near lakes, rivers, and streams. 

Do not, under any circumstances, receive the mark, symbol, tattoo, sign, implanted chip, scarf, tie, or coat of the Anti-Christ. Remember what the Angel said. 

Apply the principles of what you have learned in this book: put on the full armor of God each day; anoint your home and other places with olive oil and plant crosses; command demons to leave in Jesus’s name, and pray around public areas, to start. If you encounter an E.T. entity, command it to leave you in Jesus’s name. If you see a flying saucer or UFO in the sky, command it to leave in Jesus’s name. 

Remember God’s heart for the unbeliever. According to 2 Peter 3:9, Christ is delaying His return because He is patient with us, not wanting any to perish, but all to be saved. People will be scared, desperate, needing help in every way (including financially), and hurting. Give them the hope of eternal life in heaven with Jesus and provide for their practical needs. The Book of Revelation is God’s giant “last call” to all of humanity. 

No matter how long we are here on planet Earth, remember the following excellent advice from the Book of Peter:

“But in your heart, set aside Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do so with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).

Soon, we will be in heaven for all eternity. The only thing that will really matter, besides loving and serving God and others, is looking around the room and seeing how many souls you led to Christ while you had the chance. Don’t know where to start? Pray and ask God to help you to become a soul winner. When we stand before the Lord, there will be an accounting of how we lived our lives. It is important to share the gospel and to plant seeds of faith in others. No other activity we do during our time on earth will be as important as being a soul winner.

Finally, keep looking up! One day, Jesus will come back in the sky. He is your redemption! Remember that in the end, Jesus wins.

In the next and final chapter (which is very short), one particular and helpful class of angels will be touched upon, as well as a brief and relatable call to action will be presented.           

Chapter 11 summary

The Book of Revelation is the final book of the Bible and details the second coming of Jesus Christ. Before His second coming, there will be distressing events on the earth, including the rise of an Anti-Christ figure who will force everyone to take some sort of mark or chip. There are many judgments, but God continues to draw people to Himself during this difficult time. He even sends an Angel out to be visible to the whole earth to invite everyone to worship God and to reject the Anti-Christ. 

I believe that extraterrestrial beings are demonic spirits, who will be used by Satan to deceive the entire world into worshipping Satan and the Anti-Christ. There are ways to be spiritually prepared during these difficult times, including patient endurance, wisdom, using basic spiritual warfare principles, and being as prepared as possible for every scenario, including if Christians must endure all or part of the great tribulation. 

Pray and ask God to help you to save souls. When you get to heaven and look around, you will be so happy that you did. 

Finally, keep looking up, because in the end, Jesus wins!

I Published My First Book!

Why I wrote a book on the topic of demonic spirits, plus a quick update on our adoption of a teenager from Colombia!

Yes, that’s me! I wrote a book about demonic oppression and all things pertaining to evil spirits, and how to get rid of them. It took me a full year and a half to write this book! Read on for all the deets!

My husband Erik and I are currently staying in a hotel in a small city in Colombia, where we are in the process of adopting a teenage boy named Sam! After an extensive ten-year wait, we are finally adopting again! Pictures of Sam and Colombia are included at the end of this post, so be sure to read all the way to the end!

Erik and I have become acquainted with other American parents at our hotel as we await our “sentencing,” one of the final pieces of the adoption process. Many of the children at this hotel are being adopted by foreign and U.S. families, so it has been a neat experience seeing the kids play together while the parents swap adoption stories, parenting advice, and personal anecdotes by the hotel pool.

Inevitably, the “What do you do for work?” question floated through the air, and many parents piped in with their line of work. I told a few ladies I am mostly a stay-at-home parent but also dabble in writing and recently wrote a book. One woman asked about the book’s concept, and I gave her the cliff-note version. She seemed interested and said she would order a copy.

As I sat there wondering if I summarized my book properly, I was reminded how much I hate marketing and promoting myself. I believe the root of this is that I secretly fear rejection. Announcing to people that I wrote a book leaves me susceptible to disinterest, a mild form of rejection.  

Case in point: I took six months to write one simple blog post announcing my book to the 100 people who subscribe to my blog. I am even couching it with an adoption update to increase impact and draw readers.

So, please give me two minutes to present my book,  A Path to Freedom through Deliverance: Reducing Demonic Activity in People and Places.

Here are just a few of the issues presented in the book:

  • Do demonic spirits exist, and if so, do we have to worry about them?
  • What do you do if you suspect evil spirits are harassing you?
  • Have you ever had patterns or behaviors that you feel trapped by or cannot gain mastery over?
  • Are you experiencing strange things that go bump in the night in your home or other location?
  • What are the doorways that we unwittingly open to allow demonic spirits to enter our lives?
  • Isn’t deliverance scary, like the Hollywood movies portray?
  • Do I need a deliverance?
  • Is there anything we can do about evil spirits?
  • How can I protect my kids and my family from evil?

This book had its origins in my own deliverance story. Almost ten years ago, I received freedom over darkness and obsessive thought patterns through the power of Jesus Christ. I have been happily set free ever since. Then I learned through mentorship and experience how to minister freedom to others and bring light into their darkness. I tell the stories of the captives who have been free and equip regular people to access the power of God to protect themselves and those they love from the things that lurk in the shadows and seek to destroy us.

The book digs into the many symptoms of demonic oppression (including negative emotions and addictions, trouble with relationships, suicidal thoughts, feelings of shame or guilt that won’t resolve, or a feeling that something is working against you, etc.), how to protect your family from demonic spirits, a mini-primer on the occult, ways that demons prevent people from coming to Christ, and thoughts on the End Times and extra-terrestrial entities.

I also highlight what really happens during a deliverance session based on the model I used, and how it’s not as scary as what Hollywood would have you believe.

Here are two quick stories from the book:

Story one: Due to a severely dysfunctional family life, our client Jasmine suffered from severe demonic activity and oppression in her adult life. During her deliverance, she shared a terrifying story from her childhood. One night, while she was in her dark room trying to fall asleep, she felt water dripping from her ceiling and looked up. She was terrified to see a demon hovering above her bed, with an evil expression. It was dripping a substance on her with its long claws. She screamed and ran to the bathroom only to find that the “water” she assumed was dripping on her was blood! Many years later, Jesus used our small deliverance team to set her free from many demonic spirits.

Story two: Twice in five years, our deliverance team experienced two scary demonic manifestations. Once, our client “Liz” started to rock back and forth, and her eyes became small and evil-looking. The Lord told me that Liz was about to pounce on me! I immediately stood up and commanded that the demon stop manifesting, in Jesus’s name. Immediately, Liz became normal again. The rest of the process went smoothly, and Liz later joined our deliverance team! At another deliverance, our client Sarah swore at me and her head flew backward in a dangerous way. I immediately stood up and told the demon it must stop controlling Sarah in the name of Jesus. Sarah calmed down and our team commanded that the demon leave.  It left! By the way, in the model I use, scary demonic manifestations are rare and can be managed.

So why did I write this book? The answer is simple. Just as I have been set free, I want everyone to be set free from demonic spirits who cause them to experience many emotional, psychological, and physical health problems. I also want people to know that you don’t need a fancy title or degree to make demons leave a person or a location in the name of Jesus.

A Path to Freedom is bottom-lined, fast-paced, and can be completed in under three hours. I would be so grateful if you would check out my book. Please click here: https://a.co/d/7TtbEt6 or go to Amazon and enter the title of my book in the search bar: “A Path to Freedom Through Deliverance” by Heather Pulkstenis.

Thank you for reading and have a lovely, demon-free day!

____________________________________________________________

P.S. Below is one final story from the book if you have another minute, which illustrates how a person can manage unwanted ghosts in their home…

Final story: One night, I stayed in the home of extended family members, who claim their house is haunted by a friendly ghost. One night, their baby son (my cousin) began to cry continually in his bedroom, which was adjacent to the guest bedroom I was sleeping in. A small, creaky, back staircase straight out of the 18th century was positioned between our two rooms. While waiting for his parents to come and calm him down, I heard someone loudly walking up and down the staircase, which I assumed were his parents. After the crying persisted for at least 25 more minutes, it finally dawned on me that I had experienced my first interaction with the family “ghost.” I wrestled with whether to get up and attempt to calm the baby. I was afraid that if I got up and exited my room, I might have a face-to-face encounter with this creepy ghost. I decided to pray and ask God what I should do. I felt Him nudge me to resist fear and go pray over my baby cousin.  I got up out of bed, quickly ran past the haunted staircase area, and entered my cousin’s room. The baby was standing up with a look of distress on his face. I walked over to his crib and prayed the following over him: “Dear Lord, please bring my baby cousin peace, and bind and remove any evil from his room. Help him to immediately go back to sleep, Lord. In Jesus’s name, Amen.”

Immediately the baby stopped crying, laid down, tucked his two little hands under his chin, and closed his eyes. Just like that!

The book contains many prayer scripts like the one offered above, plus many more tips on how to manage evil. Feel free to check out “A Path to Freedom Through Deliverance,” and thank you for supporting my writing journey!

And now to reward those who have stayed with me for this entire post, here are several pictures of my husband, me, and Sam in beautiful Colombia. Enjoy!

On the day when our adoption of Sam became final!
Me with some other adoptive parents and their kids!

And just for fun, above and to the left is the original picture I used for the cover of my book, plus two rejected front cover designs!

To check out my book, please click here: https://a.co/d/4Ubgbng

To read a previous post on the topic of deliverance and spiritual warfare, click here: A Path to Freedom through Deliverance

To read an interview with a real live demon slayer (aka Dr. Appleby, my mentor and friend), click here: Confessions of an Exorcist

How to get rid of ghosts and evil spirits: Stop Ghosting Me! How to deal with unwanted ghosts and evil spirits

I dive into just one tiny element of the occult, the infamous staple of the 1980s slumber party….Are Ouija Boards a Doorway to Communicate with (evil) Spirits? My Ouija Board story

And finally, my most popular blog post of all time which has nothing to do with demons is found here: Generation X: the least parented generation in U.S. history is quietly raising their kids and ruling the world

Thanks for hanging with me until the very end!

Generation X: the least parented generation in U.S. history is quietly raising their kids and ruling the world

I was born in the summer of 1972, perfectly in the middle of the 16 years that make up one of the coolest, smallest, and most independent of all the American generations: Generation X.  

Generation X (Gen X) kids were born between 1965 and 1980 (some count the children born in the early 1980s as well), and we were known as the “forgotten middle child” of American generations, and also the “last generation of feral children” according to one social media influencer. Gen X kids were wedged in between the more populous Baby Boomers and the younger, tech-savvy Millennials. 

Gen X kids developed some serious life skills early on (which we will dig into in a moment) and later grew up to be savvy, skeptical, cynical, self-reliant, resourceful, practical, and hard-working adults who are currently in leadership positions worldwide.  Gen X adults also tend to not give a flip about a lot of things, including what other people think of them. 

The following post is my attempt to encapsulate some of the pros and cons of growing up Gen X based on research, social media influencers and their corresponding Gen X audience, and by living in this generation for several decades. I also offer some personal reflections. Please see my qualifiers written to fellow Gen Xers as well as our parents in the closing section.

Alright Gen Xers, let’s buckle up our seatbelts and…wait!  There were no seatbelts back when we were growing up!  So instead of buckling up, watch out for the “mom arm” that will come flying out in the event of a sudden stop, take another sip of the Orange Julius you bought at the mall because you did your chores, quietly roll down the window in the backseat because your dad just lit one up and you can’t stand it, and read this post. 

Madonna had her debut during the Gen X years. When I was young, many people said I looked like Madonna! (p.c. Life magazine)

I want to start with two stories that encapsulate the reality of growing up Gen X from two of my closest friends.  I am changing their names for their privacy and awarding them two of the most popular Gen X girls names of all times!  I will bold some of the common themes of growing up Gen X.  Please note that in the second story, Lisa’s father was the one who paid for the country club membership for Lisa and her brother, as his way of providing for his children.    

Jennifer’s story:

I was born in 1971 in a small southern town with Civil War historic roots.  My teenage parents divorced in the 1980s and my mom had to work at Pizza Hut and the garment factory to support my sister and me. We were poor and lived paycheck to paycheck.  My sister and I were latch-key kids, and we missed the bus on numerous occasions because our mom was not there to see us off to school.  Prior to the divorce there were good times: playing in the woods, creek, cow pasture, and a forest fire lookout.  We were unsupervised and often gone all day.  My mom would blow the horn of our vehicle in order to alert us that it was time to come home.  If we were home and seemingly bored, we were told to “get on outside” and the front door would lock behind us as we exited.  We were gone all day. I grew up in a cloud of cigarette smoke and riding while standing up in the back of a truck bed.  At one point during the middle of my parents’ separation, we left our home to stay with a family friend, but there was no communication about what was happening, and it made me feel insecure because we didn’t talk about our feelings.  My dad just “disappeared” from my life, and no one really sat down to communicate with us about the fact that our parents were in the process of getting a divorce.  This left scars of insecurity deep within me. In addition, due to lack of supervision, I was also sexually abused by a few men. I also developed some unhealthy eating patterns at that time as well.  Looking back on my childhood and after becoming a mom myself, I realize that we were talked at but not talked to or talked with.  

Lisa’s story:

My brother and I are definitely products of the ’80s. Our parents divorced when we were four and six respectively, making us one of two families in our entire school with divorced parents. Seemingly our family was the beginning of the end of the nuclear family, in our area at least. We were typical latchkey kids, being left at home for several hours up to all day on Saturdays while my mom worked from the age of seven on. Just like most kids of the ’80s, we were out all day with our friends, only having to come home before dark unless we were going to be punished…which we often chose instead of leaving our friends early. But perhaps not typical were our summers. Beginning at the ages of seven and nine respectively, six days a week, my mom dropped us off at our country club at 7:30 in the morning– two and a half hours before the country club even opened. We had to entertain ourselves for those hours and did so in multiple ways to include joining the swim team, the dive team, taking tennis lessons, golf lessons, exploring the entire 176-acre country club to include the golf courses and sneaking into the tennis courts to play before everything opened. We played hide and seek, created our own scavenger hunts, and frankly just survived the boredom until my mom picked us back up at 5:30 pm. Again, my mom was a single mom having to work full time and did the best she could. But I guess the word neglect doesn’t begin to cover what we experienced. We also were the house cleaners, the dishwashers, the clothes washers. And everything had to be done to perfection, or we had to redo it. Our mom was Mommy Dearest on steroids. I remember telling her once, “You only had kids because you wanted servants!” That didn’t sit well. But like most Gen Xers, we not only survived, we thrived, and we are who we are because of this upbringing. Would I trade it? That is a question for another day. 

I grew up with Little House on the Prairie! It’s all the feels, all the time. Still brings tears to my eyes as an adult. (p.c. Life magazine)
When Michael Jackson was young and handsome. And alive! (p.c. Life magazine)

Gen X kids were free to come and go as we pleased and enjoyed many adventures on our bikes or in the woods with our amazing group of friends. In the summer, we drank from the hose and had to be home when the streetlights came on.  We interacted face to face with our peers and parents on the regular.  Minus about four hours on Saturday morning, we enjoyed the glow of the sunshine on our faces versus the glow of the computer or the television screen throughout our entire childhood(s).  

Conversely, Gen X kids went through their early years during a unique time in American history: right during and after the cataclysmic social, cultural, and moral shifts of the 1960s through 80s including the hippie movement, the sexual revolution, the women’s liberation movement, the spike of the serial killer movement, and the ongoing threat of nuclear war. The traditional, two parent nuclear family began to unravel, the divorce rate skyrocketed, and half of all married couples parted ways.  This led to many single parent households, with (usually) moms as the primary caregiver.  Single mom parenting led to much fatherlessness, which is proven to be detrimental for children growing up. 

According to Wikipedia, a 2004 marketing study conducted by Reach Advisors stated that Gen X kids “went through its all-important, formative years as one of the least parented, least nurtured generations in U.S. history.” As previously mentioned, latchkey kids were prevalent during this time, a result of increased divorce rates and increased maternal participation in the workforce at a time before childcare options outside the home were widely available. In addition, Gen Xers were children at a time when society was less focused on children and more focused on adults. Researchers described a cultural shift where the long-held societal value of staying together for the sake of the children was replaced with a societal value of parental and individual self-actualization.

As we were the first generation of latchkey children, this often led to loneliness, boredom, fear, giving into peer pressure, substance experimentation and abuse, sexual activity, depression, and behavioral problems.  Divorce was hard on us kids.  According to a longitudinal study, children whose parents later divorced exhibited higher levels of depression, anxiety, antisocial substance abuse, addictions, mental and physical health problems, and poor educational outcomes.

Due to the above mentioned research, there appeared to be a rise of absentee parenting in our generation.  Children were allowed to roam freely all day (and sometimes at night) with no adult supervision.  The whole “I had to come home when the streetlights came on” is a very real thing for many Gen Xers. Many kids had to “drink from the hose” on the weekends or during the summer as their parents would not allow them back inside their homes for hours at a time. I read many comments about parents “dropping off kids” here and there all day long with no adult supervision.  Many came home for dinner only to head back out again.  While all this freedom was exciting for us, and a lot of fun, we didn’t always make the best decisions with all that freedom, and sometimes we ended up in unsafe situations because our society was less safe than it was during previous generations. 

Vehicle safety support was nonexistent back in the day.  Drinking beer while holding an infant in one’s lap in the front seat of a pickup truck with no seatbelt on was sadly the norm.  My sister remembers driving down the New York state thruway in the back of one of my parents’ trucks, laying down with a large tarp draped over the bed of the truck traveling at a high rate of speed. 

There was very little support in many categories growing up. Here are just a few of the support deficiencies: child support payments were not commensurate with inflation and cost of living for the custodial parent, mental health supports were not in place, nor were substance abuse supports, medication supports, childcare supports for the working parent, and the list goes on.  One of the saddest comment threads I read was about the time when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded in mid-flight in January of 1986.  Many of us kids were watching that whole episode on TV from school when it happened in live time.  Unfortunately, because emotions were not always handled properly back in the day, teachers would move the class right along as if nothing happened.  Kids were stunned and traumatized, but since mental health supports for kids were not available, everything was swept under the rug and “moved on from.”  In addition, there were also no child abuse reporting supports in place.  Sexual abusers were generally not reported, so they were free to move along and continue to abuse children. That’s why there was so much “passing the trash” at schools, churches, and universities back in the day.

The explosion of the Space Shuttle Challenger in 1986 was one of the defining events of our generation. (p.c. Life magazine)

Many of us grew up in a smoke cloud. I remember literally everyone in my family smoked, both in the house and in the car.  I remember some members of my family would actually roll the windows UP (not down) while driving, so that the car was filled with a raging smoke cloud. 

My Grandpa Art, lighting one up. Pretty much everyone in my family smoked cigarettes.

Gen X kids and their parents seemed to have a lot of trouble with displaying healthy emotions.  Our parents seemed to emotionally express themselves either too much or too little in the form of too much yelling and screaming, or too little in the form of suppressing emotions.  This led to many of us kiddos going to our bedrooms to cry and figure out emotions on our own. Many kids were taught that emotions were bad.

And finally, I’m not even going to touch the way Gen X kids were disciplined with a ten-foot pole, a leather belt, a hairbrush, a clothes hanger, a wooden spoon, or any other firm weapon of choice within grabbing distance of a very angry, red-faced parent.  Not gonna touch it.  

I had my mom proofread this article prior to publication as I didn’t want to hurt or offend her, plus I was interested in her feedback.  She told me that many of the supports listed above were not in place for her Boomer generation either, including but not limited to that fact that her dad was gone a lot, she played unattended until the streetlights came on, there was no vehicle safety, lots of looming cigarette smoke clouds, and emotions were not expressed in her home.  I thought long and hard about her points, which I found to be very good.  I told her that I thought the difference for Gen X was the high divorce rate, the dissolution of the nuclear family, and the huge changes in society and our culture which made our world less safe.  All of this made our growing up years potentially very difficult for some in our generation.

I am sure many Boomer and Silent Gen readers will resonate with her comments.  I admit I am still figuring out this topic and evolving as I go.   

Gen X tends to overcompensate:

Now that Gen X kids are all grown up, some of us overcompensate with our kids due to the lack of attention and nurturing we experienced as children.  Sometimes we swing too far on the pendulum and end up helicopter parenting or snow-plow parenting.  Here is a blurb on Gen X as parents of school aged children, and how we are pushy and powerful at times as we advocate on behalf of our own kiddos:

We’ve been taking care of ourselves since we started going to school, and we don’t trust authority figures, because they weren’t trustworthy when we were growing up. Our parents didn’t know what was going on at school, and our teachers didn’t know what was going on at home. We’re not going to let this happen to our children — not even for a second. We’ll do whatever we have to do to make sure our kids get what they need.  (source: https://www.edutopia.org/generation-x-parents-relationships-guide)

If we don’t find ourselves overcompensating at parenting, maybe we overcompensate at working, being successful, and making money so that we will be able to have all the stuff that we never had as kids. Maybe we overcompensate with our emotions by over explaining to our kids that it’s ok to have feelings and to express them.  Maybe we tell our kids we love them all the time because we didn’t hear those words growing up. 

Or, maybe you do as the title of this article indicates: you are just quietly working hard, raising your kids, making a living, and ruling your corner of the world.

Gen X adults are leaders:

As of 2023, the Boomers and the Silent Generation still represent the majority in the U.S. House and Senate and represent the leading Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump (President Biden is a member of the Silent Generation).  However, as the years tick by, Gen X will be stepping up to the plate in many leadership roles worldwide. 

Notable political Gen Xers include former Speaker Kevin McCarthy and his arch nemesis Matt Gaetz, current House Speaker Mike Johnson, Governor Gavin Newsome, Governor Ron DeSantis, former governor Nikki Haley, and Justin Trudeau, to name just a few.  Other influential Gen Xers include Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos (the two richest men in the world – to be fair Bezos was born in 1964), Larry Page, Sergey Brin (two more rich guys), Tom Brady, Reese Witherspoon, Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Tiger Woods, Dan Bongino, and David Muir, the newscaster for ABC World News tonight. I went to school with David, and we were friendly acquaintances. 

I find it interesting and ironic that on the cusp of this leadership turnover, the United States is going through cataclysmic changes both in our economy, our culture, our government, our technology, and our moral values as a nation. Our borders are out of control; our economy is not doing well (cereal is double the price where I live); our cities are experiencing a huge spike in crime; we no longer trust our political leaders; we are dealing with weather events like never before; the world is on fire (Ukraine, Israel); and the list goes on.  Things have dramatically changed in the United States culturally and morally. I have spoken to many Boomers and Silent Gen folks, and they are mourning the loss of the country they once knew and loved.  One of my parents, who is not even a person of a Christian faith, recently told me that they thought we might be going through what the Bible refers to as the “End Times.”  This parent went on to say that they had never seen anything like this in all their years.

I don’t know where we are as a nation, or where we are on the Biblical timeline, but I do know that Gen X is the generation that is going to have to manage it, govern it, and repair it (if possible).  I have been pondering if there is a connection to how we were raised, which formed and shaped us into these strong and independent adults, and how we are now on the brink of running the entire show, in much of the same cultural craziness as was experienced while we were being raised (but worse, in my opinion). 

Here is the question I am currently pondering:

Is it possible that God used the freedom and difficulties of our childhood experiences to shape us into the adults we are today, so that we are set to be leaders during this unique time in world history?

Healing my Gen X childhood:

I have written about my childhood in previous posts, and I will link them at the bottom of this article.  The bottom line is that I had a loving and stable childhood in some ways, and a difficult and dysfunctional childhood in other ways.  

I have been on a healing journey since I was a teenager. At 13, during a youth church service, I was healed from the sexual abuse I experienced as a child.  Later, I forgave the man who molested me and ended up leading him to Christ.  In my twenties, I was healed from the wound of rejection I experienced as a child by taking my walk-man and several cassette tapes (remember those?) to a coffee shop and listening to sermons on rejection by Pastor Charles Stanley. 

Forgiveness and grace are other themes I have worked on for many decades. I try to understand that my parents are imperfect people who parented and loved me in the best way they knew at that time.  Most of the way they parented me probably came from their own parents, for better or for worse. They did a very good job in many ways, and I am who I am today because of them.  Thank you to my four parents.  I love you! 

I also decided that it’s ok to communicate with my parents about ways they may have hurt me growing up.  Many years ago, I took a walk with one of my parents one night and told them (kindly, and with respect) that I didn’t feel that they made me a priority when I was younger, and that their inattention hurt my feelings.  I went on to tell this parent that, although they had hurt me deeply, I forgave them, as God has forgiven me.  I was shocked at their response, which was:

“That’s all in the past, and we need to move forward.”  

I was momentarily crushed at this parents’ response.  I went back to the drawing-board and had to re-forgive this parent and give them grace.  This parent was most likely repeating what they had learned from their own parents. After this interaction, I immediately made an inner vow that I would not make this same mistake with my own kids, and I have been a quality-time, present, loving, and relational parent ever since. 

I want to be the best, healthiest, and most spiritually mature adult I can be.  I want to be greatly used by God in this challenging season. My hope and prayer for you, fellow Xer, is that you will receive the healing you may need from your childhood wounds, if healing is needed. My other prayer for you is that you would realize how much God loves you and that He desires you to come into His family. God created you for a purpose, and He longs for you to know that He sent his only Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for your sin and moral shortcomings, so that you can have a relationship with Him on earth and then go to heaven when you leave this earth (and, Gen Xers, we are half-way there). 

God has great plans for you and wants to use you in this unique time in world history!

On a practical note, I also hope you will find balance in every area of your life, forgive and give grace to your parents if you haven’t already, and look for ways to serve your fellow man in these very strange times we are living in!

Closing thoughts:

I want to end this deep post on a lighter note with a couple of funny stories. 

One of the things that Gen X is known for is being the “forgotten middle child” or the “forgotten generation.”  One of my girlfriends recently told me that, as they were scrolling through Facebook one day, she noticed that her stepmom had celebrated National Daughter’s Day on Facebook.  This put a smile on her face, as she expected to see a picture of herself and her sister on this post along with her stepmom’s other three daughters.  But lo and behold, there were only two girls out of five on the celebratory photo post.  It seemed that this parent had completely forgotten about my friend, her sister, and her other stepdaughter.  Go figure!

And finally, when the Chinese Spy Balloon was making its rounds all over the United States, Slim Sherry had a funny video on Instagram that made me laugh out loud.  

In it, she showed Gen X’s reaction to the spy balloon.  Each of the four Gen Xers in her video looked up to the sky, took out their bottle of alcohol, took a swig of it, and then promptly gave the spy balloon the middle finger!

When I relayed that story to my daughter’s boyfriend, who himself has Gen X parents, he started laughing and blurted out: 

Are you serious?  That’s exactly what my parents did when they heard about the spy balloon! They went outside with a drink in hand and gave that spy balloon the finger!”

So to my Gen X brethren who have read this entire post, let the world continue to forget that we exist.  We are used to being forgotten, overlooked, and underestimated.

We like it that way.

We will quietly keep ruling the world by looking up to the sky in our strong, independent, sarcastic, and resourceful way.  My prayer is that we will look up to God for wisdom, healing, connection, forgiveness, and leadership during this unique time in world history.

But don’t be surprised if we also look up to the sky and give the middle finger to our enemy, because that’s also who we are as a generation. 

Don’t like that aspect of Gen X? 

Sorry, but in general, we don’t give a flip about what you think of us, or even if you think of us at all. 

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Hey Gen X: I just published my first book! The book is about Christian deliverance, and how to reduce demonic activity in people and places. I share the struggles of what led me to seek out a deliverance for myself, how a friend and I started our own deliverance ministry, and what I learned about creative ways to do basic spiritual warfare to reduce demonic activity in people and places. I discuss the many negative symptoms of demonic oppression and the four doorways (trauma, occult involvement, ongoing sin, and generational curses), and teach everyday Christians how to command demons to leave people and places, in Jesus’s name. If you are struggling with demonic oppression, a haunted house, or other demonic activity and you’re not sure how to handle it, check out this book!

The link is here: https://a.co/d/4kDlJwH

Please leave your Gen X story or comment below! Comments are welcome! It is very hard to encapsulate an entire generation and I am sure I have missed many angles, nuances, challenges, and joys. Feel free to share. Please be kind to me and give me grace.

A note on the research I conducted for this blog post: I did a lot of actual research for this article, but didn’t want to bog this post down with this link and that citation.  For more information, please google “Wikipedia Latch key children” and “Wikipedia Generation X.”  I also used this source:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/21st-century-childhood/202208/the-impact-divorce-children) for the research on divorce.  I found the 70 percent of Gen X is religious on the Pew research website. I also looked at other research that I didn’t end up using for this article, which pretty much confirmed everything I wrote.  I read a lot of Gen X social media threads and perused many comments from Gen X adults.   Some of what I used is from Slim Sherry, a social media influencer.  You can find her on Instagram.  She says the f-bomb a little, so that if that offends you, I don’t give a flip.  Kidding!  (Chris Biggs is also hilarious, and he has classic videos on growing up in the 80s.) And finally, I grew up smack in the middle of this bad boy, so that’s gotta count for something. Here are some posts about my childhood: Sexual Abuse, Forgiveness, and Janie’s Got a Gun – my story of healing and freedom after sexual abuse. There is also Blue Collar Girl Trapped in a White Collar Marriage. Finally, there is this one with lots of 80s references: The 1980s called; they want their rebellious teenager back!

Here is a blurb on some of the positive aspects of my childhood: When I think back on my own childhood, it was amazing in many ways.  I remember watching the launch of MTV from my best friend Hillary’s couch. (Side note: the 1980s had some of the best music hand’s down.) Hillary and my sister Jessie were my besties growing up, and the three of us enjoyed many adventures together, just roaming freely and playing outside.  I especially looked forward to Saturday morning cartoons, because my mom would allow us to eat “sugary” cereal on Saturday and Tuesday mornings. Later, when I became a teen, my other bestie Jennifer and I would ride our bikes all over Onondaga Valley. Thankfully, my sister and I were never latchkey children, as my grandmother Inge was able and willing to provide childcare after school and all throughout the summer.  She had a swimming pool made from materials used to build farming silos, so we enjoyed swimming during my entire childhood. After swimming, I remember Jessie and I would fight over the one good armchair whenever Little House on the Prairie would come on in the afternoon. I think I will remember the first four notes of the Little House theme song until the day I die.  😊

Qualifiers and apologies: I apologize ahead of time for any oversimplification and overgeneralization of an entire generation of humanity.  Not everyone in our generation had the same Gen X experience. Secondly, I apologize in advance to my Boomer and Silent Gen readers. It’s very difficult to write about Gen X without implicating our parents who raised us or casting them in a (somewhat) negative light.  That is not my intention.  Trying to parent during the Gen X years were challenging as there were so many changes in society happening all at the same time (divorce, women entering the workforce, the threat of nuclear war, to name a few). Despite some of the deficiencies and difficulties, our parents instilled is us kids an amazing work ethic, a respect for authority, a belief in God, and a respect for finishing school (and going to college). To all of my readers, please try to see the good in my writing and give me grace, as grace is a theme that I, too, am still working on. 

A few more photos for you if you are still here:

Anyone remember My Little Pony?

I believe this is baby Harry! (p.c. Life magazine)
When Tom Cruise was only 21 years old and just getting started! This Boomer has done very well for himself! (p.c. Life magazine)
I ended up going to Dr. Falwell’s college later in life!
Me as a little girl at Christmas!
I love the Entertainment Center and I love my Raggedy Ann doll!

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

Disappointed with Adoption – Lowlights and Lessons Learned From Our Infertility and Adoption Journey

Adoption is all about the moments.

There have been many wonderful adoption-related moments over the past two decades of adding children to our family through the miracle of adoption.

Here are just a few of the highlights:

I remember the first moment I received a random package in the mail and opened it up, only to find a framed photo of a baby along with a note.  The note stated that we had been selected by a birthmother to parent her recently born baby girl!

I remember jumping up and down and screaming: “We’ve been selected! We’ve been selected” to my cat, who was the only other living creature home at the time. I immediately called Erik (my husband) at work and together we rejoiced over the phone.  A few weeks later, we drove down to Lynchburg, Virginia and met our new baby for the very first time (see photo below)! That little baby girl turned out to be our wonderful daughter Claire, who is now a very mature, kind, smart, and resourceful eighteen-year-old young woman who is taking on-line college classes and has a bright future ahead of her.

One of the best moment of my entire life!

Then there was that moment a few years later when we had been selected by a birthmother to parent her baby boy. However, we learned that the birthfather would not relinquish his parental rights. Nine long months ticked by. But then one day, we received a phone call from our social worker letting us know that a judge had ruled against the birthfather, which was basically a small miracle of God, and that we could come get our baby at any time!  

That one phone call was yet another moment of pure joy for my husband and me. Logan is now 14 years old and is very athletic and social. He is doing great in life and in school.

Another joyful and memorable moment occurred the first time I laid eyes on Khloe, our third daughter whom we adopted from Ukraine.  At the time, we were sitting in a small, 1980’s style office in a random orphanage in Poltava, Ukraine. The orphanage director brought in this extremely tiny (like size 4T tiny) blonde-haired eight-year-old girl with a huge bow in her hair. This little girl looked up at us with wonder in her ocean blue eyes while she suppressed a huge, awkward grin.  This was the first time that anyone had ever visited her! Khloe is now 19 years old, in community college, is a great basketball player, and is doing very well in many areas of life!

These moments are probably the highlights of the last twenty years of adding children to our family. 

Sadly, there have been at least three times the number of lowlights in the area of infertility and adoption over that same period.

In this post, I want to “highlight some of the lowlights” of our adoption and infertility journey, because not everything about adoption is peaches and cream.

These difficult experiences have taught me many lessons over the years, and I will share just a portion of them with you in this post.

My hope is that I can encourage you, my Dear Reader, if you find yourself in a similar place of disappointment or difficulty, even if our circumstances are different.

Spoiler alert: this post will have a happy ending, so make sure you read all the way to the end!

Our IVF Story:

The first lowlight I’d like to highlight goes way back to the beginning (2007); back to when my husband and I were still grappling with infertility, which affects about 15% of all couples.

A few years after our adoption of Claire, Erik and I attempted two IVF procedures. At the time, these procedures were considered “cutting edge” for those who were struggling with advanced infertility. We were reluctant to even attempt an IVF procedure, but we felt like God was directly guiding and even leading our every step with many signs to keep going along the way. He even raised up a member of our family to pay for the entire first procedure!  God continually gave us full faith that this was His will and even that the IVF procedure would lead to a pregnancy.  We went out on the “faith limb” and believed that God would work through this procedure to give us a biological child, even though our fertility doctor assured us that our chances of becoming pregnant were “zero to five percent, with the emphasis on zero,” (his exact words).

In order to even attempt an IVF treatment, both of us had to undergo medical testing to make sure that there would be enough “material” to work with for the IVF procedure.  Thankfully, I had enough eggs to work with.  A biopsy from a urologist confirmed that Erik had a small number of sperm available; enough to make something happen. The clinic technicians froze that sample, and I started on some medication to make me produce many eggs. We were off to a good start!

When the “big day” of egg retrieval and fertilization arrived, the clinic technicians thawed Erik’s sperm sample to be ready for my egg retrieval.  However, upon thawing the sample, they were shocked to find that all the sperm material had completely dissolved!

The technicians looked for hours and couldn’t even find a single sperm to work with, even though there was a small number present before freezing. Remember, for fertilization to occur, you literally only need one sperm and one egg.   

I still remember the exact moment the doctor called us.  Erik and I had been waiting all afternoon and into the evening for a phone call from the clinic.  In order to pass the time, we prayed and listened to Christian music, in full faith that the procedure would work out.

When the phone finally rang, I could tell in the very first nano-second that the procedure had been a failure, just by the tone and inflection of the doctor’s voice.

We were devastated.  We were also confused. 

Why had God seemingly pushed us to do a procedure and then have it completely fail?

We were spiritually wounded and ready to give up.  We prayed again that God would guide our steps, and that if it was His will for us to do one more IVF, He would make it clear. 

To make a long story short, God made it clear that He wanted us to yet again pursue another IVF procedure. 

We met with our IVF doctor about options, and he told us that a “new doctor” who did a more advanced procedure had just moved to the Washington, D.C. area (where we lived at the time) and that we should at least agree to meet with him.  We had actually read about this procedure prior to this, but it was only being offered in New York City at the time and cost $30,000 (too expensive for us). 

We met with this new doctor, and he told us more about the advanced procedure he offered. He stated that this new IVF procedure used new technology which could locate individual live sperm (no more freezing and thawing), and that we were good candidates with about a 40 percent chance of a successful procedure. He also told us that it was much more affordable than the procedure done in New York.

Erik and I felt comfortable and even hopeful at this news and agreed to one more procedure.

The big day came and once again, the technicians could not even find one sperm to work with.  Not even one!

After the procedure, the doctor came in and said he was deeply sorry.  We could tell he had actually been crying! We thanked him for trying to help us, and then I cried all the way home in the car.

This experience was deeply disappointing and in fact, devastating.  And again, I was confused as to why God would lead us to do a procedure that He knew would not be successful.

We moved on from ever attempting to have biological children using modern medicine and decided that adoption was, once again, our best option. A year later we adopted our beautiful son Logan, and then later we adopted Khloe from Ukraine. 

To learn more about our struggles with infertility, please see the link at the end of this post.

After our adoption of Khloe, things have gotten “stuck” with our attempts to add even one more kiddo to the family. 

In addition to getting stuck and not being able to complete our family with one more child (a heart’s desire that remains for both Erik and me to this very day, after years of prayer and fasting), we find ourselves at the start of 2023 with more questions than answers, and with a slew of disappointments under our belt.

Here are just a few of the lowlights and disappointments we have experienced over the last several years:

Disappointing Hosting Experiences:

We have hosted several kids from Ukraine and Latvia with a heart to potentially adopt one or two of them, and while hosting is extremely worthwhile and is an excellent form of ministry (and really is a lot of fun), it has not led to an adoption of any of the children we have hosted. The reasons are numerous and multifactorial but include the following: our host kids were not even available for international adoption after hosting staff assured us that they were, hidden siblings we knew nothing about, undisclosed severe autism and incorrect/misleading information with one of our host kids, and caregivers being unwilling to give up the host kids’ guardianship status.

Hosting has, however, brought us to Nina, the girl we are presently trying to adopt from the country of Ukraine (which I will get to in a moment). It also brought us to Lasma, the older orphan from Latvia, whom we love like another daughter and have an ongoing and close relationship with.

I am so thankful that there has been much good that has come out of orphan hosting and I highly recommend it.  However, it has not led to an adoption of any child at this time.

Here is a great hosting moment: backpacking in the great state of Idaho a couple of years ago with our three kids and two of our host kiddos!

Failed Latvian Adoption:

After we adopted Khloe, we decided to adopt a boy from Latvia as Erik’s mom and dad are descendants from that small Baltic country. Latvia also had a solid and dependable program at that time.

In our minds, with the adoption of this one boy, our family would be completed, and we could all move on with our lives!

We finished all the paper and other physical work that went into an international adoption and sent our dossier to Latvia.  At the time, we were told we would receive a referral after six to nine months.  Many months flew by, and still no referral.  We changed our parameters to include a sibling group of two, special needs kids, older kids, etc. in order to increase our chances of any adoption at all.  Erik even obtained his Latvian citizenship as we were told that it would help our chances.

Three years ticked by, and we never received a referral! 

Then one day we received a letter from Latvia stating the following: “due to the popularity of our domestic adoption program, we do not anticipate sending you a referral of any children.”

After three years of wasted time and prime real estate ages for my other kiddos, Latvia was a closed door.

So frustrating and disappointing and yes, even devastating!

This was the photo we used for that year’s Christmas card! Great photo for sure, but sadly the sign that Logan was holding was inaccurate.

Difficult situation with a Birthmother:

Another recent difficulty occurred with one of our birthmothers.  To make a long story short, she has basically decided to have more of a closed adoption with our family after we had enjoyed an open adoption with her for many years.  She had previously accepted this child as a part of her family, but more recently, she no longer desires to be a part of his life (and he is not welcome into hers).  There is more I could say about this, but I will stop here. Suffice it to say, this situation has been extremely hard on our entire family and especially for the impacted child.

Stalled Ukrainian Adoption:

This one is still in process, so I am hoping and praying for a happy ending.  After we decided to adopt Nina (the host girl I previously mentioned), we had completed all the paperwork and physical work of our home study and dossier and sent everything to Ukraine in February of 2022.  Two days later, Russia invaded Ukraine.  Unfortunately, we learned later that Ukraine decided to not work on any adoptions, even those already cleared for international adoption or to even consider those dossiers that were sitting in-office, which included our dossier as well as the dossiers of two other women I knew personally. Ukraine has also refused to let U.S. families with connections to Ukraine orphans either sponsor, host, or allow respite housing for any Ukrainian orphans. It seems Ukraine is nervous about all of us American families just permanently keeping their orphans here and not returning them after the war (even though that would never happen).

All adoptions are still suspended one year later.  Nina is now displaced in Germany. 

Will we ever get to adopt Nina?  Will Ukraine make us redo all the paperwork and physical work of our adoption and start from scratch?  I really don’t know.  I remain moderately hopeful that someday Nina will join our family, even if she comes here as an older teen.

But either way, this situation is also hard and disappointing to say the least.

We would love to add Nina to our family! (Nina is the dark-haired girl in the center.)

Very Difficult Child: One of our children has been especially difficult to raise on several levels.  This child struggles with attachment disorder and many other delays and difficulties. I would love to report that after several years of pouring into this complicated kiddo, that much progress has been made.  Sure, progress has absolutely been made on many levels, but this child has plateaued on many more, especially in the areas of kindness, loving other people, desire to change, executive functioning, selfishness, and anger.  

Miracle Pregnancy Letdown:

Finally, for two decades I believe that God spoke to us and invited us to believe Him for a miracle pregnancy.  God spoke to us using the Bible, prophetic words from pastors during church, and many other unique and powerful methods and words.  However, to this day, I have never been pregnant once, and I am at the age and stage in life where this would be even more impossible to happen than it was before (if that’s possible!).  This deeply disappointing and confusing chapter of my story has been a long journey, and I admit I am still struggling with it. Why would God speak to me for 20 years about something amazing and then never provide it?  I don’t really know the answer, but I believe in heaven there will be a child or children waiting for me and my husband. Or there will be some sort of explanation from God as to why we have walked this difficult and head-faking road.

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The above stories are several examples of the ways that despondency, dejection, discouragement, delay, difficulty, devastation, and the mac daddy that ties it all together – deep disappointment — has reared its ugly head for my husband and me in the area of building and completing our family.

But I have learned a thing or two over the last twenty years and I can honestly say that, considering lessons learned, I am doing much better in all areas of my life, whether we ever adopt another child!

So without delay, here are four lessons I have learned about disappointment and difficulty, and what it produces, as it pertains to infertility and adoption.  Perhaps you can grab something in here for yourself.

Lesson One: The root of my disappointment is a disappointment in GOD.

At the root of all my disappointment is that I am secretly disappointed in God. Specifically, God and His ways, His timing, His methods, what He allows or ordains, and for a perceived lack of Him answering my many heartfelt prayer requests.

The remedy I have learned over the years is very simple but also very difficult: absolute (almost) blind faith and trust in God–faith and trust that God is good and is always working for my good in ways I somehow cannot see at this time.  I have faith that somehow, as I look back over the years, all the delays, disappointments, and difficulties will make more sense.  If it never seems to make sense on earth, it will eventually make sense in heaven. 

I have learned the value of praying the prayer of relinquishment, which I first learned about from Catherine Marshall (a well-known Christian author).  In her books, she states that we should always be in a continual mindset of “God, I want this, but I want Your will more.  May Your will be done,” with basically every area of life.  She states that not only is this a key to answered prayer, but it will help us to be at peace with every hardship God may allow for us.  Jesus prayed this prayer right before He died on the cross. When I pray this prayer, it is my way to be completely submitted to God’s plan for my life, whether good or bad, because I believe that God will use it for my good and for the good of my family, and that in the end, it will all make sense. 

Lesson Two: Disappointment is a tool that draws me closer to God and develops deep character within me (that I really need but don’t necessarily want).

I read a book years ago by Kay Arthur, where she claims that life’s disappointments are “God’s appointments” to make us more like Christ. I agree with this and would add that infertility and adoption have been God’s primary shaping tool in my life in the area of personal and character development, pride-slasher, introspection-builder, patience-developer, judgementalism-exposer, and sin-and-weakness-revealer, to name just a few of the positive traits that have been forged in the furnace of affliction. 

These ocean-deep character qualities are underdeveloped in most humans and require certain chiseling tools which cut very deep and are often very painful.  For some reason, God has allowed me to go very deep with my personal character development over the last twenty years.

What has been the result of all this chiseling?

I am a much different, and dare I say better, version of myself than I was twenty years ago

I can handle more hardship.  I am a better listener.  I am more empathetic and others’ oriented. I can handle stress and large amounts of pressure.  I can handle disappointment.  I don’t stay in a constant depressed state.  I am more joyful, happy, and free deep inside. I sleep well at night without constant racing thoughts.

I am a more spiritually mature Christian.

I used to run away from God in hurt and anger.  Not anymore!  I run to Him and ask Him to help me and to heal me.  I always feel better after I pray. I have more peace and calm about literally everything!

An example of this lesson applied to real life pertains to the above-mentioned very difficult child. I have learned many lessons over the years with respect to this kiddo, which include but are not limited to the following: realizing that I struggle to love difficult people consistently, that I truly need God’s greater grace to love this child in a way that they need to be loved, and to let go of secret expectations, hopes, and dreams for my relationship with this child going forward, and to leave all of that in God’s capable hands. Raising this child has been a shaping tool in my life for my personal and spiritual growth.

The bottom line is that much good has come from these last very difficult twenty years. Maybe someday I will look back on them and be very grateful.  I am not in that place yet, although I can certainly see many benefits for me personally that have come from the last two decades.

Lesson Three: Sometimes God gives you a version of what you are praying for (but not exactly what you are hoping/praying/looking for).

Sometimes God gives you a “version” of what you are praying and hoping and believing for.  An example would be that we are licensed foster parents but have not yet accepted our first placement.  Maybe we will form a tight bond with our foster kiddo, and he/she will be a wonderful addition to our family, though not a permanent one by law.

Another possible example pertains to Nina.  I have decided that even if we only get her over here on a student visa, having her live with us and go to college here, that that scenario would be a “version” of my heart’s desire to have her in our family.  After college, she might be able to live in the U.S. permanently. Bottom line? Maybe we will be able to have her in our family (of sorts) for her older teen years and beyond.

Not what I would prefer, but much better than nothing for sure!

Lesson Four: God is always doing a new thing, so expect good things from Him in the future!

A few weeks ago, God spoke to me using a pastor on YouTube about how past disappointments can lead a person to not being able to have expectant faith in the goodness of God.  As soon as he said those words, tears sprung to my eyes and I cried out, “Yes, Lord! I am afraid to have faith in your goodness in the area of children, because I am so afraid of being let down!”

I went home and decided to clump all of the old prayer requests together–the ones that have yet to be answered–and labeled them “The House of Shit and Pain.” 😊 That house included other prayer requests I had been hoping to see progress with for years, that sadly seemed to go unanswered by God. 

I then lit the whole house of unanswered prayer requests on fire in my mind. The entire thing went up in flames metamorphically.

Why?

I needed a clean slate. I wanted to start over with God.  I wanted to believe that He is truly good, and to expect good things from Him going forward.

I can honestly report that after the “house burning,” I feel much better and much more at peace. 

I am reminded of this verse found in the book of Isaiah (43:18,19):

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”

More lessons:

Here are a few more nuggets of wisdom, forged in the flames, in bullet form:

  • I am a much stronger person after enduring these trials.  As the saying goes, ‘you are only as strong as your weakest link.’  I have had decades to strengthen faults and weaknesses along my fence-line, so to speak.
  • I have learned to be content with the family I have and to treasure them. I have three beautiful kids and one awesome husband!
  • When things are hard, it draws me closer to God, which is what is best for me. 
  • God is looking for tested faith and my free choice to love, trust, and serve Him.  If things are easy and going well, there is not much testing going on.
  • Sometimes tests are used to reveal whether or not God truly is the most important thing in our life.  Other times tests just show you where the breaks are along the fence-line of your life.  Lastly, tests are also used to show you how bad-asterix you really are in a pinch, and then you can feel confident that you have actually grown as a person, which feels awesome!
  • All of the hardships over the years have forced me to experience tested faith in God.  I have been faithful to Him even when it’s hard and confusing, and I will believe in Him and trust in Him until the very end.  And someday it will all make sense!  Even if complete perspective and knowledge comes in heaven.
  • For some reason, God is primarily interested in tested faith.  It seems to do something “special” for Him.  He tends to put me in situations where I need to cling to Him with a blindfold on. 
  • I believe I will “see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13), even if it’s later and different than I would prefer.
  • Life makes sense looking backward but must be lived walking forward. This is true with all aspects of life. I have faith that someday I will have a much broader perspective, which will bring understanding to these confusing decades. For example, we look back and see that, had IVF been successful, we most likely would not have adopted either Logan or Khloe. We love them both and they belong in our family. Another example would be if our Latvian adoption had worked out, I am not sure we would have hosted all of those beautiful kiddos. We never would have met Lasma or Nina. They, too, are a part of our family now.
  • It’s ok to not give up praying about something.  Some prayer requests take decades to get answered or to find resolution.  I also keep reminding God that I am open to whatever His will is for our lives, and I continue to ask for guidance in my prayers. We continue to desire more children in our family in whatever form that looks like, and we also have the ability to adopt them (financial and otherwise).  If one of these two criteria changes, we will reevaluate.

And many more minor and major lessons have been learned over the years.

In closing, the other day I was shopping at a store and found a little wooden plaque that piqued my interest.  The plaque said:

“God makes happy endings. So if it’s not happy, then it’s not the end!”

I burst out laughing at the insanity of that little plaque.

 “That’s terrible theology!” I mumbled to myself as I remember the story of John the Baptist, whose life ended in a beheading. The Bible is filled with many other non-happy endings, and I can look at my own life for more raw material.

On impulse, I ended up buying that little plaque because I sense there is some truth in it for me.

Here is the truth that I believe is contained within that cliché-laden piece of wooden inspiration:

I believe in the goodness and kindness of God.  I believe God when He says: “I know the plans I have for you.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11

God has a plan.  I don’t know how it will all end up, but I know that one day, it will all make sense.  I hope that it will make sense on this earth, but even if it does not, all things will work themselves out in heaven, and everything will be made clear at that time.

I also know that God is in control and using all the disappointments of infertility and adoption to shape me to be more like Jesus.  This benefits me too, because the more I become like Jesus, the more I will be filled with peace, depth, and wisdom as I live out the rest of my life.

I can be filled with expectant faith in the goodness of God, but maybe let go of the specific expectations of how that might exactly look.

I can still be happy with my life by looking around and being content with what God has already given to me: my husband, my three kids, my three pets, my extended family and friends, and my beautiful home.

Lastly, even if we never adopt another child, I will be ok.  But here’s hoping for either another adoption or at least a “version” of more children in our family in the future!

In conclusion, here is some wisdom from the little wooden plaque as it pertains to our adoption situation and really, all areas of life:

God makes happy endings, so if it’s not happy, then it’s not the end.

Even if the end is in heaven!

“I remain confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” –Psalm 27:13

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A note from Heather:

I just published my first book! The book is about Christian deliverance, and how to reduce demonic activity in people and places. I share the struggles of what led me to seek out a deliverance for myself, how a friend and I started our own deliverance ministry, and what I learned about creative ways to do basic spiritual warfare to reduce demonic activity in people and places. I discuss the many negative symptoms of demonic oppression and the four doorways (trauma, occult involvement, ongoing sin, and generational curses), and teach everyday Christians how to command demons to leave people and places, in Jesus’s name. If you are struggling with demonic oppression, a haunted house, or other demonic activity and you’re not sure how to handle it, check out this book!

The link is here: https://a.co/d/4kDlJwH

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If you would like read more about our failed Latvian adoption: From Latvia: “No, you cannot adopt.” (An update on our adoption situation)

If you would like to read about our stalled Ukrainian adoption: Russia Little Crazy, But it’s OK

This is how our infertility journey began: Infertility and Adoption – How I made peace with both

The list goes on: Orphan hosting (and hosting to adopt) – Ten Things You Need to Know; A long awaited mother’s day (Claire’s adoption story); Little Boy Lost (Logan’s adoption story); My Adoption Story (by Khloe, Age 13); and this is a good one about God’s timing: What the Star of Bethlehem Tells Me About Our Upcoming Adoption. There are more adoption-related posts on my site, so feel free to dig around. Take care! Thanks for reading!

Russia Little Crazy, But it’s OK

An update on our adoption from Ukraine 

My family and I have been communicating over video-chat with Nina and Masha, two orphans we love from Ukraine, ever since the Russian invasion which occurred during the month of February, 2022.  We have hosted both girls several times in our home and, most recently, have experienced the Russia/Ukraine conflict through their eyes. 

In this post, I will share with you the current situation of Ukraine through the eyes of the two girls and our adoption coordinator, an update on our adoption journey, and a personal update from yours truly. 

But first, the necessary quick back-story.  We were first introduced to Nina over two and a half years ago when we watched a 24 second video of her on youtube. Nina was a nine year old orphan who was available to be hosted through an international hosting program. As we were already set to host a little boy from Ukraine through this program, we decided to add her into the mix at the last minute as well.  My husband and I were drawn to her cute and spunky spirit, and our hosting coordinator described her as being a strong fighter and a “great kid.”  We fell in love with Nina and decided to host her again and again.  We also met her younger cousin Masha who is like a sister to her, and decided to host her as well (Masha is not available for international adoption at this time).  We flew to Ukraine and met with Nina and Masha’s family and connected with Nina’s grandma (also named Nina) and extended family.  And then more than a year ago, we decided to start the very long and tedious adoption process from the country of Ukraine.    

Our family vacationed in Idaho last summer, and Nina and Masha are seen front and center.
We took a back-packing trip this past summer and had a great time! The kids had a great time playing Phase 10!

Adopting from Ukraine is nothing new to us.  Ten years ago we brought home our adopted daughter Khloe from Ukraine.  We started a blog about our journey (https://erikandheatheradopt.wordpress.com), and Khloe wrote an entire post by herself, found here: My Adoption Story (by Khloe, Age 13). On this most recent trip to Ukraine, we brought Khloe back to her home country and even visited her orphanage with her. Some of her teachers were still there and remembered her well!  It was a great trip.

The Russian invasion from the perspective of two children we care about:

We have been in contact almost daily with the girls and have observed the war through their eyes.  Below are just a few of the highlights of what we learned while talking with them:

  • When the invasion began, all the orphanage kids noticed it, but they tried to just go about their lives.  However, school stopped for them a few days into the invasion and they really had nothing to do all day long.  They might play outside briefly, but they were mostly inside, playing and watching movies. Thankfully, they had electricity, food, and water at their orphanage.  
  • As the invasion progressed, they had to sleep downstairs in their little musty cellar that doubled as a bomb shelter.  It was terrible, cramped, and cold, and some of the kids got sick being in the cellar every night.  The official city bomb shelter was 6 km away from their orphanage and not accessible to them. 
  • Their mid-sized city experienced the shelling of buildings, which kept the children and caregivers awake at night. There were also air-raid sirens almost nightly. 
  • Nina is a very even-keeled child, which is one of the things I love about her. One day I called and asked her how the night before had been for her and the other children. In her broken English and breezy way, she explained to me the following:  “Last night there was boom boom.  Russia little crazy, but it’s ok.” 
  • Finally, after much work, prayer, texting, advocacy, working with our adoption coordinator, and learning on the fly how things are done in this unique situation, Nina’s entire orphanage evacuated Ukraine and were safely transported to a city in the European Union (EU).  They made it safely to the Polish border, stayed one night in a hotel due to the efforts of a Christian ministry, and then were on their way to the next country.  Their current residence is like an institution/school/camp. According to Nina, the food is good, there’s still not a lot to do sometimes, they are doing on-line school for about two hours per day, they all get time on their phones, they go outside and play, do some activities, and are in bed by 10 p.m.
  • We are all extremely grateful that the kids made it safely out of Ukraine.  To all of the people who prayed during this time, I want to personally thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Personal thoughts with regard to the last few weeks:

It was a huge effort to get the kids out of Ukraine and evacuated to a safe location within the EU.  I cannot begin to describe the number of hours spent by myself as well as other prospective adoptive moms, all trying to figure out a plan to evacuate the kids.  However, at the end of the day, the Ukrainian government ended up evacuating the orphanage and then directed them to another facility in the EU. I have never been in a “crisis situation” in my entire life, but it was a crisis for me to see the images on TV, hear that the city in which the girls were located in was getting bombed every night, and that they were unable to leave due to mostly bureaucratic reasons (this is a long story that I hope to share at a later time). 

It was a crisis for them, for us, and the entire world to watch on TV. I was extremely stressed.

Apparently, the bus drivers transporting the kids and caregivers were getting texts from loved ones back in their hometowns and wanted to dump the orphanage kids and caregivers out on the side of the road near the Polish border so they could return to their families back in Ukraine.  However, after some back and forth, some other buses came from Poland and transitioned everyone into new buses, and everyone made it safely across the border.

As far as my adoption coordinator goes, it is my understanding that she was getting bombarded with texts and calls around the clock.  Hosting parents as well as prospective adoptive parents continually wanted her attention as they were understandably stressed and scared about the well-being of the children they loved and had developed a relationship with. She also received texts and calls from hosting and adoption agencies, requests from government officials, and the list goes on. She worked relentlessly to get the kids out of Ukraine and out of harm’s way.  As far as I know, she was successful and all of the kids in her portfolio of responsibility are out!  However, as of the time of this writing, this woman is hunkered down in Ukraine trying to survive the war. 

Update on our adoption journey:

Right now our adoption is squarely on hold, and Ukraine is not allowing their orphaned children to travel to the United States.  At this time, Ukraine is only allowing EU countries to provide care and housing for these children. There are reportedly approximately 300 children with some connection to American families (in various stages of the adoptive process), and many of them need temporary care during the war.  Our family, along with several other American families, are advocating the they be able to temporarily come to America to be with the families that love them.  75 Members of Congress have already pledged their support by signing a recent letter from the Congressional Adoption Caucus here calling for the immediate unification of Ukrainian children to their host/pre-adoptive families.  Several of us prospective adoptive parents have also retained a law firm which is working on our behalf with government officials, encouraging them to work with Ukraine to accomplish some goals on our behalf.  For me personally, I am hoping that Ukraine will still somehow work on our existing adoption (even though they said they would not), as well as allow Nina and Masha to travel to the United States, even temporarily.  Please pray for that if you feel inclined!

I will share one brief action item in the P.S. section if you are interested in helping us out.

Before I share my personal update, I want to add that my struggles are nothing compared to what the country of Ukraine is experiencing.  I cannot even begin to imagine the hardships, death, and displacement of millions of Ukrainians at this exact moment. I am only one person who is experiencing the war through the eyes of two girls we care about.  

Like every other person on the planet, I have been glued to the TV over the last few weeks and praying fervently.   I am qualifying what I am about to share and admitting that my hardships are small potatoes compared to what the people of Ukraine are facing on a daily basis.

Personal update:

I vacillate between a calm peace, knowing that God is ultimately in control and on the throne of the Universe and in charge of everything, and also a feeling of despair at the thought of not being able to adopt Nina ever due to circumstance beyond my control.  Erik and I are caught up in a very difficult situation that is so above our pay grade that it’s hard to put it into words.  The thought of all the time spent (or possibly wasted) on a very long and tedious adoption physical work journey (I don’t call it paperwork anymore because that is so demeaning to its complexity) makes me want to pull my hair out in frustration.  Especially since this could be our second failed adoption (our first failed adoption took place here: From Latvia: “No, you cannot adopt.” (An update on our adoption situation)).  

It feels like we have been on a “failed adoption journey” for about seven years now.  So frustrating!

Along with feelings of frustration, there is also sadness at the prospect of not being able to adopt Nina, at least in the immediate future. We were just on the phone with Nina yesterday who informed us of two things.  First, she misses us and wants us to come to visit soon.  Second, that Masha, who is only nine years old, “got married” to a boy in the institution yesterday.  This government institution is fine as a temporary place to care for children, but kids belong in families that love them, will guide them, will nurture them, and protect them. 

Nina is already 12 years old and time is ticking!  We hope to still be able to bring her into our family.  If things work out to eventually be able to adopt Masha (who is currently not available), we are open to that as well.

Which leads me back to the title of this post.  

Russia little crazy…

Yes, it is.  And it’s frankly scary to watch.  I remember the night when the news was reporting that shelling/bombing was occurring at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant.  Thank God that blew over, but with the President of Russia either needing an off-ramp and not finding one (at least as of the time of this writing), or not even wanting an off-ramp in the first place as he just wants to take over parts of Ukraine, I am nervous about what he might do out of desperation.  

But it’s ok…

It is only ok because God is in control and on the throne.  I believe that God is good and according to what he has promised in Scripture, He works “all things” both for our good and for us to be more like his son, Jesus (Romans 8:28).  I have to believe that God will eventually work all of this for some sort of good, both for the country of Ukraine and Russia, as well as for Nina and Masha and the other children, and also for us.

In addition to praying for Ukraine, I have been giving everything over to the Lord, including our adoption of Nina and any other child that I may wish to add to our family.  I have also prayed the “prayer of relinquishment” which I learned about years ago.  I am praying something like the following: “Lord, I give Nina over to you.  We would love to adopt her.  Nevertheless, not our will, but your will be done.” 

I have also been praying that God would heal me of my sadness over this situation, and I believe that my healing journey has begun.  I now have an inner peace that I didn’t possess during the months of February and March.  My peace stems from the fact that God is good and in control, and that he loves those girls so much more than I ever will. If it’s God’s plan for us to adopt Nina, then He will make a way for this to happen.

If you feel so inclined, please pray for us. And do the one action item listed in the P.S. section. But prayer is more important.

I am also constantly praying for the people of Ukraine and that this conflict will end as soon as possible.

And, I never thought I would say this, but please pray for world peace, too. 

Thank you for reading this post and for following along on our long and arduous journey.

We are in the middle of a really hard chapter of the story right now, but we are trusting that there will be a happy ending in here somewhere. 

“I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of God in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13

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P.S: I could really use your help. On April 7, 2022, we are hoping to blitz the U.S. House and Senate with calls and letters from constituents asking for them to put pressure on the State Department to please work with the Ukrainian government to allow 300 pre-adoptive children (a very small fraction of the orphans in the Ukraine) to be able to come to America on a temporary basis.

Here is what you can do. First, go look up your one U.S. Congressman (or woman), and then look up your two U.S. Senators. Second, find their phone numbers and call them (see text below for what to say), or look for an on-line contact email form for the three of them. They all have them. In the subject heading, write: State Department matter pertaining to Ukrainian orphans. Then, in the content section of the email, write something like the following: Dear Congressman or Senator ______________, Please work with the State Department to encourage the Ukrainian government to allow approximately 300 children with some connection to American families (in various stages of the adoptive process), many who need temporary care during the war, to be able to travel to America on a temporary basis. 75 Members of Congress have already pledged their support by signing a recent letter from the Congressional Adoption Caucus calling for the immediate unification of Ukrainian children to their host/pre-adoptive families. I am only asking that you allow this small percentage of Ukraine’s orphans to be reunited with the families that love them until things stabilize in Ukraine. We know personally of one American family who are caught up in this situation, but there are at least two hundred, and they would love nothing more than to bring the children they love into their home, even for a short period of time. Please consider this request, and kindly send a reply to this email. Thank you!

You can send them a link to this blog post and feel free to write to them anytime after April 7th, 2022. I truly appreciate your support. God bless!

“The Woods went Silent”

Stories of people who go (almost) missing in the woods under very strange circumstances

(#Missing411 backstories)

Many backpackers, hikers, campers, dog walkers, hunters, etc. go missing in the forests (and national parks) under strange circumstances. Still, others go almost missing in the woods. After they safely exit the woods, they tell roughly the same story. Read on.

When I was a teenager, I worked at a Christian summer camp/resort, located in the rural foothills of the Adirondack mountains in upstate New York. One night very late, like 2 a.m. late, several of us teenage kids snuck out of camp and found a dirt road out in the middle of the woods, where we proceeded to engage in some underage drinking. We were all sitting around in a small circle, just talking and laughing, when suddenly, an extremely loud and terrifying scream split the quiet night air just off the path where we were all huddled on the ground. 

It was the most terrifying moment of my entire life!

The scream, or shriek, was so loud, long, intense and creepy that our entire group spontaneously lifted two feet off the ground and flew off the path, away from the scream. We tumbled down a small incline and landed together in a heap.

As we were all crying and freaking out in a little clump together, we were left with the following question:

What the hell was that scream in the woods?

We never did figure that out, but I remember that the scream was a sound like I had never heard, it was too long and loud and other-worldly to be an animal, and it was definitely not a human scream. There were no footfalls preceding the scream, or after the scream took place. Looking back, I believe it was supernatural or paranormal in nature.

Fast forward to my adult years. I love the outdoors and my husband and I have been backpacking to very remote, forested locations for 25 years annually. For the last several years, we have also brought our three kids out with us into the middle of nowhere for our family’s annual three day, two night backpacking trip.

We camped at this lake last year (2020) in the beautiful state of Wyoming!

And although we have never had any major problems in the woods, I was shocked to learn that there are a disturbingly large number of hikers, campers, and people just out walking their dogs or hunting in the forests near their home, who either go missing, or almost missing, in the woods under baffling circumstances

You can learn all about this phenomena by googling Missing 411 and David Paulides.  He has written several books available on his website (https://www.canammissing.com/page/page/8396197.htm) and produced two documentaries. David is a former police detective who was approached by a forest ranger several years ago about very strange disappearances in the woods.  Many of these disappearances occur in National Parks (where we regularly hike!) and in clusters around the United States (in other words, disappearances will occur in the same general area). These disappearances also share common traits, such as the person who goes missing has some sort of a vulnerability (like a physical disability), and bad weather events often accompany these disappearances. 

To be clear, I’m not talking about missing hikers who go off trail and end up lost in the woods, who are later found.

Instead, I am talking about people who are right in front of their loved ones one moment, and then the next moment they vanish into thin air, never to be seen again.  Or, they are found many miles away (sometimes alive, sometimes dead) from their last location, in a place that is absolutely impossible to reach.  Or, even more eerily, not a trace of the missing person is ever found, but their clothing is found months later in a random cave in a place that is extremely difficult to get to, several miles from where they were last seen, folded into a neat pile (please see my P.S. at the end of this post for more information on this). 

In one story, a 12 year old boy disappeared after telling his dad he was going to change his socks and shoes after they got wet. He proceeded up a well-marked trail a short distance to get back to his boy scout troop and his tent, and was never seen again. His one wet sock, and only his one wet sock, was found extremely far away, wedged into a crack between two boulders. 

And that’s just one story among hundreds of similarly bizarre and eerie stories that make no sense and leave us all wondering what is going on in the woods.

In a future post, I will write about Missing 411 stories and give you my take on these events.  But in this post, I want to write about the other very real phenomena of people who go almost missing in the woods.  

Just like with Missing 411 stories, these eye-witness stories share common attributes that cannot be ignored.  

Consider this post the prequel or back-story to the Missing 411 stories.

In order to illustrate the common themes that I have heard (and read) countless times (based on internet searches and multiple podcasts I listen to), here is just one story that I believe encapsulates the common attributes of most of these almost missing stories. I have bolded the commonalities for ease of reading. 

Almost Missing Stories:

The following stories are retold by Nic Ryan on his Paranormal Mysteries podcast #66 (and others), found here: https://tunein.com/podcasts/Paranormal-Podcasts/Paranormal-Mysteries-Podcast-p990107/. 

This particular story comes from a reddit user named u/cacophonica who lives in the state of Missouri. 

“The minute I stared trekking through the creek bed, my pit bull Fatty started whining. I ducked under the trees, shushed Fatty and stopped to listen to the woods surrounding us. I heard nothing. I heard literally nothing. No wind, no snapping twigs, not even any birds. Then, I began to feel really weird. I can’t really describe it as a gut feeling, but suddenly my body felt very queasy and over sensitive, and worse, I had the distinct feeling that I was being watched. Fatty was scared and trembling. Call it being an edgy teenager or anything else, but I felt this strange pull into the woods. There was no sound but I felt like something was calling me, luring me deeper into the woods. I walked forward, aware that my dog had firmly planted himself at the fallen trees. He was shaking all over and yelped at me as I walked away, but he didn’t come with me. He also didn’t leave, which I believe potentially saved my ass that day.

I left Fatty behind and eventually got to the part of the creek that I had never been to. It was a clearing with a ring of trees surrounding it, with the creek stretching far ahead and going around an unseen corner. The sun hadn’t moved and it was still silent. I stood in place for a minute and considered turning around. The clearing was creepy and felt devoid of everything. I felt like if I walked around that corner, which was just about 100 feet away, that something terrible would happen. It felt like something was just waiting for me to walk into it, unsuspecting.

I took a couple more steps, and suddenly I heard my dog yelping frantically behind me. He kept lunging forward, but wouldn’t move any distance forward. I finally realized that something was very wrong. I turned around again to look back at the clearing. It was pitch black outside. I shit you not. Seconds ago the sun wasn’t even close to going down below the horizon, and now the stars were out. No sun. No light.

I stared hard at the trees around the corner, seeing nothing but elongated shadows. I heard a twig snap. All of a sudden my ears started to ring, and panic flooded my entire body.

I whipped around and shot back towards the fallen trees, sprinting towards my dog. He was snarling and barking like mad, and when I ducked under the trees, both of us sprinted back towards the house.

The entire time I felt like I had death on my heels, and Fatty never once ran ahead of me, staying right at my side the entire way back.When I made it home I checked the clock. During a walk that usually took ten minutes, I had been gone three hours

To this day I have never felt so prowled upon in the woods. I don’t know what wanted me in the woods that day. I didn’t see what it was and it said nothing to me, but I ignored every natural instinct I had to run until it was almost too late. My dog being there may have been the reason I didn’t wander deep into the woods of (Seligman) Missouri and succumb to someone or something in the dark. I have never told anyone in my waking life about this.”

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From another reddit user called uclathemach, and also recounted in Nik Ryan’s Paranormal Mysteries podcast #66, comes an experience that happened on a camping trip with his youth group in the state of New Hampshire. At the end of the two day trip, he took a walk by himself down a hill to an area with a make-shift archery range, in order to tear it down. He made a pile of garbage to bring back to camp, and was about to head back, when he says that all the sounds in the forest just suddenly ceased, as if a curtain of silence had just fallen down behind him. He then says that he could sense some sort of a humming sensation.  He goes on to relay the following:

“For some inexplicable reason I had snapped my head to the right, and noticed there was an area with thinner brush, like an opening, and I started walking toward it, like I was being drawn. I could feel the pull to go deeper into the woods grow much stronger.  Looking ahead, the woods were in deep shadow, with a strange group of four trees about 75 feet away, lit by a shaft of light, beaming at an angle from above. The light was a very strange golden color. The bases of the trees were glowing, in a beckoning way, with the rest of the woods in shadow, and the trees lit up.  The compulsion to investigate the four trees was almost overwhelming. The thought of “come see; come quickly; come right now!” was insistent.  My head was pounding, like a headache without the pain. As I was about to take another step forward, another separate feeling from the depths of my being started screaming at me to stop immediately. In an instant, viscerally, I knew that despite how enticing this call was, if I proceeded forward towards those trees, I would be lost to the world.”

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The following three mini-stories are the highlights from longer stories written in by eye-witnesses and then retold via Nic Ryan’s Paranormal Mysteries podcast.

“The trail markers suddenly disappeared, and a wall of silence fell on the forest. The silence was broken by a large, startling snap! There were trees I didn’t see. Certain plants that I know for sure that weren’t there before. My eyes started to fixate on a particularly un-nerving dark section of the forest. Every alarm bell in my head was pinging. My senses were not working anymore. Whatever light was in this area seemed to bend around this central point, somewhat like how a cloaking device works. It was a minor distortion, but enough to make it strangely obvious. I then noticed how I hadn’t heard a peep from the forest this entire time, and I was feeling very cold. I couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom.”

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“That was when things began to feel very weird. I no longer felt uneasy. But instead, I felt this deep peace, like I was asleep and dreaming. I kept putting one foot in front of the other and climbing the mountain, but it was like I was in a trance, not making the decision to continue, but instead, being drawn upwards. We kept walking in total silence. That sound (like a drum-beat) was pounding and getting louder. I looked at the (water) falls and felt an intense longing to continue on further up the mountain. We were still for such a long time, until finally my cousin said “I think if we keep going, we don’t ever come back.”

_______________________________________

“So I’m taking pictures of wild horses, and I hear “hey, come here,” seemingly to come to the right of me.  I look and that part of the forest is deeper, and I couldn’t see anything standing or hiding that way.  Sky (the writer’s dog) on the other hand heard it and jerked that way in the lead.“Come closer, this way!” I focused myself to look through the trees and long grass and there was now a simple stone path that weirdly didn’t have any grass or growth around it. But I could clearly see a cobbled path. So, Sky and I started making our way down the path.  I didn’t notice anything at the time but I could hear Sky whimpering and nothing else.  It was like all the other sound was muted. I was in some weird sort of haze. “Just a bit further,” a woman’s voice whispered to us while giggling. Sky then shook me out of my trance by stopping, putting her hackles up, and growling at something. I shook my head and suddenly the haze and confusion disappeared.  We were still on the path, but I had a very weird sense of dread starting to creep over me and we ran back to the clearing.“Come back!” A woman screamed at us, as it seemed to follow and echo around us. We made it to the clearing and back to the cabin. We were only in the woods for what seemed like an hour. But it was now 9 p.m. and I have no recollection of the missing time we had encountered” (Nic Ryan’s Paranormal Mysteries podcast number #128)

______________________________________

“One night I was heading back from an after-school walk, when I heard someone say my name.  “Johnny come here!” It was like my mom’s voice, but distorted.  I wasn’t far from the cabin, so I assumed maybe she was calling out for me.  So, I rushed home but once the house was in view, I stopped. I noticed that the sound was still going but was angry now. “Johnny, come here, now!” I knew then that the voice was not my mom’s.  I could have sworn I heard crunching leaves behind me but I turned around and nothing was there.”  (Unexplained Encounters podcast: (August 5, 2021 podcast).  Source here: https://www.audible.com/pd/Darkness-Prevails-Podcast-TRUE-Horror-Stories-Podcast/B08K57L776)

As you can see, the above stories have common threads of weirdness that some have encountered in the woods. And here are those similar threads, in bullet-point form (as I love bullets):

  • The woods will suddenly go silent
  • Your dog (or animal) will start acting weird, stressed, or scared.
  • You feel like you are being watched. You will also feel dread or fear.
  • You may feel confused, locked in a strange trance, or under a spell.
  • Your surrounding will seem “off.”
  • A new path that you have never seen will suddenly appear.  
  • You will have a strong sense, or even an overwhelming urge, to explore deeper into the woods. 
  • You might take a few more steps, but then something will stop you.  
  • After you exit the woods, you will encounter the problem of lost time. 

Let me get into detail about a couple of the common attributes above that I believe are important to highlight.

The forest becomes strangely silent:

I realize that the forest can and will go silent if a large predator is in the area (like a cougar, bear, or wolf, etc.).  I am not saying that this is not the case at times.  In those events, there are still a few sounds to be heard (like crickets, the wind, etc.).  And usually, there are no other mysterious occurrences that go along with this silence. I am talking about a creepy, all-encompassing silence that brings along several other mysterious signals with it. 

Your surroundings seem off or strange:

Here are just a few of the occurrences based on several stories I have heard. The trees or the surroundings will look or act strange; for example, you may notice new plants you have never seen or a beautiful tree in the middle of a clearing that looks particularly enchanting. You might notice a bad odor, for example the smell of blood, matted fur, sulfur, wet dog, rotting corpse, etc. You might hear a strange sound like a low and deep growl, the snapping of a twig, a whistle, a baby crying, a person whispering, or a drumbeat.  You might even hear a familiar voice calling to you from the woods (the voice of your wife, mom, friend, sister, husband or your camp counselor. I have heard all of these and more).

Something will stop you:

I believe this is the Spirit of God who is trying to protect you. Or at the very least your own gut instincts trying to protect you. Maybe you get scared. Maybe the bark of your dog pulls you back to reality.  Maybe you develop a sense of sudden clarity about the insanity of this moment. Maybe God speaks into your spirit and tells you to TURN AROUND AND RUN. In one of the stories above, the young camper had the impression that if he kept going deeper into the woods, he would be “lost to this world.” Lost to this world is the exact phrase that kept pinging around in his head, so he decided it was time to turn back.

Lost Time:

Once you safely exit the woods, you might experience the real and unexplainable phenomena of lost time.  Lost time is, in a nutshell, not being able to logically account for the amount of time something takes compared to what it normally takes. For example, walking your dog on a trail you have walked many times which normally takes you one hour, after the bizarre event, will take you four hours to complete. You will have no logical recollection of that time period.  

Before we move on to what is going on and what can be done, I will summarize the common themes for ease of remembering: 

Woods Silent/Dog Crazy/Dread or Fear /Being Watched/ Weird Trance/ Can’t Think/ Trees Strange/ Bad Smell/ New Path/ Twig Snaps/ Name called/Feeling Drawn/Something Scary/Something Odd/Something Alluring/ Don’t Keep Going/Turn Around/Yay You’re Out/Lost Time.

What is really going on in the woods?

Before I give my theory, consider the following: David Paulides (the police detective I mentioned earlier) does not give an answer or opinion of what he thinks is happening with respect to all of the Missing 411 stories he has investigated over the years, but he theorizes that something is hunting or stalking these missing men and women in the woods. I just ordered two out of seven (or nine) books he has written so I can’t wait to figure out what he has figured out.

But after listening to and reading countless almost missing and missing 411 stories, I believe that this is a paranormal/supernatural/spiritual problem and needs to be handled using spiritual methods. Sure, be cautious.  Sure, bring a rifle. Sure, bring a map, compass, extra flashlight, extra food, extra water (or water pump). Do what you need to do to feel safe.  However, if this is a spiritual problem, which I believe it is, then these items I just listed, while wonderful, will not be enough.

There are two power sources in this universe; the power of God, and the power of the devil.  I believe that in some of these cases, people are being lured, stalked, hunted, frightened, or just plain watched and observed by demons or demonic beasts or someone using evil methods in the forests and beyond.  I also believe that in some of the cases, it is the work of a serial killer. However, for those cases that occur in the middle of the woods, I believe that the chances of a serial killer lurking and waiting 12 miles off grid is extremely rare. I will get more into all of this this in my next post.

What can you do?

My first suggestion is to pray.  Pray that God will protect and help you and/or your family (or friends) before you head into the woods. Pray specifically that God will protect you from the evil one and his evil spirits. Secondly, if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, there are additional things that you can do using the power and authority of Jesus Chirst. You have the authority to rebuke demons and make them go in Jesus’s name. You can also anoint your campsite with olive oil or even cooking oil and pray for God to seal and protect your campsite. 

And now that you know the first sign of trouble (hint: the title of this blog post) pray out loud right away if things start to get weird. 

I plan to write a follow-up post on Missing 411 stories, and I will get more into practical advice at that time. I will also dig into demonic creatures and what they are. Did you know that demonic beasts are actually a very real thing and there are Bible verses about these creatures?  Unfortunately, it is true. 

My goal for writing this post is not for you to never set foot in the woods again.  I love the forest, and I love hiking! I plan to keep hiking well into my 90s if I am able. My desire is that you continue to enjoy the woodlands but be kept safe while you do so.

And to be clear, I think it is a very rare and unusual thing to have any of these weird supernatural events occur on your family’s backpacking trip, or if you are out walking or hunting in your woods. 

However, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that we are living in very strange times.  Things are changing rapidly and many things that were once considered “normal” are gone, and our “new normal” is here. 

I would rather be prepared for any event. I hope you feel this way as well. So please, keep on enjoying the beauty and serenity of the deep forests of the U.S and Canada and beyond! 

But my one take-away for you is to ask God to protect you before you venture into the woods. And if something crazy starts to happen, stop right away by praying out loud, right there in the middle of the forest.

Pray something like this: “God please protect me from whatever weird thing is happening right now. In Jesus name, Amen.” That’s it!

Stunning. This is why we go!
This past summer (2021) we camped at Hell Roaring Lake in the Sawtooth mountains of Idaho.

I will close with a story that I believe illustrates the direct intervention of God in an almost missing story. 

The quick backstory is as follows: a young boy became lost in the woods near his home in Europe. This boy had played in these woods his whole life and knew them like the back of his hand.  He had a feeling that something was compelling him to go deeper into the woods. He then heard what sounded like crashing branches and it sounded like something heavy was walking around. He writes:

I was praying while searching my way around desperately. Something in my head was screaming at me to turn around, and I listened.  And what I am about to tell you, it’s true, but it’s going to sound very bizarre. When I turned, I saw a man in a white long dress, with long white sleeves and dark hair. When I saw him, I felt even more of a sense of relief. It was like I was safe as long as he was here. He raised his hand and pointed to the left of where I was standing. “That way?” I said.  He nodded.  I looked at where he was pointing and back at him, but when I tried to face him again, the man was gone. Scared out of my mind, I started running in the direction he pointed and, five minutes later, I broke through the trees. When I was finally out, I realized I was on the opposite side of the forest. Somehow, in that short time, I had walked several kilometers in the wrong direction. I made my way back home and later told this story to my grandma, and of course she told my parents, who were not happy about what I did. For a long time, I was not allowed in the forest. However, when I did tell my grandma about the man, she looked at me, and said that maybe it was my guardian angel.  (Unexplained Encounters podcast, number 207.)

I think that Grandma could be right!

Let’s all stay safe and continue to enjoy the forest!  

And if the woods suddenly go silent, you know what to do.

__________________________

UPDATE: I have just released (as of October 6, 2022) my Missing 411 post. What is happening with hikers, campers, and normal everyday people who go missing under strange but similar circumstances? Find out here: Missing 411: A pebble in my hiking boot

ANOTHER UPDATE: I just released my first book! The book is about Christian deliverance, and how to reduce demonic activity in people and places. I share the struggles of what led me to seek out a deliverance for myself, how a friend and I started our own deliverance ministry, and what I learned about creative ways to do basic spiritual warfare to reduce demonic activity in people and places. I discuss the many negative symptoms of demonic oppression and the four doorways (trauma, occult involvement, ongoing sin, and generational curses), and teach everyday Christians how to command demons to leave people and places, in Jesus’s name. I also discuss the occult, ways that the enemy tries to block an unbeliever from hearing the gospel, Extra-Terrestrial entities (hint! they are actually demons), and the End Times as recorded in the book of Revelation. If you are struggling with demonic oppression, a haunted house, or other demonic activity and you’re not sure how to handle it, check out this book! The link is here: https://a.co/d/4kDlJwH

Common elements of Missing 411 from Reddit user xofiate:

  1. People who go missing usually do so in National Parks, around large bodies of water, or near boulder fields.
  2. People from both ends of the intellectual spectrum go missing (e.g. people who have intellectual divergencies or disabilities go missing, as well as individuals who work careers as scientists, etc).
  3. People from both ends of the physical spectrum go missing (e.g. people who are physically disabled and cannot walk long distances, as well as individuals who live extremely active lives and are very fit).
  4. If the missing individual is found alive, they usually have memory loss about the entire event. Children sometimes tell weird stories about how they went missing. I recall one where a toddler went missing on a rather cold night and somehow survived. She claimed a wolf fed her berries from the palm of it’s hand and that’s how she survived.
  5. If the missing individual is found deceased, the cause of death is almost never determined. Often seeming as though they died without a cause at all. Medical examiners usually write that they died from “exposure” if they do not have a better answer to give.
  6. The missing are found in areas that seem difficult – if not impossible – to reach by foot, or in the time that has lapsed. Such as a child being found many miles away in just a matter of a few hours. A common example is children as young as 2-3 going missing and being found in high elevations, such as mountains, 2,000 ft in the air. Sometimes the children have their clothes on backwards or inside out, and their parents claim that they can’t even dress themselves yet.
  7. The missing are found in an area that’s been searched by Search and Rescue teams numerous times over a period of days (usually a week or longer). Sometimes they’re even found on the trail that’s used to access the area they’re searching. Almost as if they’re placed there intentionally in order to surely be found by SAR. Search and Rescue teams are meticulous about their searches.
  8. A lot of cases involve people who go missing for a week, but only died a day or two prior to being found, which begs the question of where they were during their time missing as well as what happened to them.
  9. The shoes tend to go missing, either just one or both. Many people are found in bizarre places at high altitudes or in tough terrain, and their socks or the soles of their feet don’t have a spec of dirt or wear on them. This is true for children too.
  10. Search ans Rescue dogs will be unable to pick up a scent, or if they are, they’ll follow it a few feet and then begin acting bizarrely. They’ll circle and then sit down. This is not common behavior for SAR canines.
  11. Investigators do not find any tracks nine times out of ten. If they do, they seem to stop inexplicably and lead nowhere, as if the person just vanished into thin air. Animal attacks are rules out by experts.
  12. Paulides will not investigate a case where an individual has a known history of mental illness. He usually won’t investigate cases where there’s a likelihood that this person left and disappeared by their own accord.

Hope you enjoyed your rabbit hole for the day and thanks for reading and your ongoing support!

Mountain sunsets are the best!
After we ‘safely made it out the woods’ this past summer, we immediately sat for a family photo shoot!
Our three kids and our two host kids from Ukraine!

Private Eyes are Watching Me

Taking a Closer Look at my Fears and Dreams as a Surveillance Investigator

Yep, that’s me, pretending like I am good with a video camera. It’s actually quite challenging to hold a small camera steady and zoom in and out quickly and effectively. I am still getting used to it! That little camera holder is a must though! So are my binoculars. I am wearing a hat because I have not showered yet. Why bother? I am sitting in a hot car all day. I’m also dressed like an athletic soccer mom because soccer moms look more normal and less suspicious. Want to learn more about my job and what it’s teaching me about myself? Read on!

It’s 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning and I drive into a sleepy suburban neighborhood.  The sun is shining and the birds are chirping.  It’s going to be a beautiful and sunny day!  

Too bad I will be sitting in my car all day.

The first thing I notice about the neighborhood is that there are no mature trees.  Shady spots are great to have for less glare, less heat, and more blending.  I slowly drive my elderly, nondescript SUV past the subject’s residence and quickly check to see if his vehicle is present.  

Unfortunately, there are no vehicles parked in his driveway.  Could they possibly be in his garage or did he leave already?  

I don’t know.  

A pit of doubt begins for form in my stomach.  Does the subject even live here? He has another recent address on a utility report.

As I turn from looking at his house, I see a man walking his dog who is already eyeing me suspiciously.  I can almost see him whipping out his phone and taking a picture of my license plate later, so I make a mental note to call the local police and let them know I will be working in the area today, but not be too specific with an exact location. 

I drive around a little more and try to find the best spot to park my vehicle to conduct surveillance, but then notice a “no parking this side of the street” sign and inwardly groan.  I pull a u-turn and try to find a less obvious spot to park my vehicle on the same side of the road as my subject’s residence, but not too far away, because I need good quality video.  I will have to pull a fast and stealthy u-turn in the event he becomes active and I need to “conduct mobile surveillance” (fancy phrase for following him in his vehicle).

I check my video camera and make sure I have the date and time stamp working properly. 

Finally, I ease the front passenger seat back, so that if a nosey neighbor walks past me, they will be able to look through to the other side window and not be able to easily see me sitting super upright in the driver’s seat.  I am thankful that at least I found one mature tree and that I have decent tinting on my windows.  

A new walker lady is heading straight towards my vehicle.  I shrink back into my seat, turn off my car, and hope she walks right on past me without looking in.  

I breathe a sigh of relief as she briskly walks past, engrossed in whatever she is listening to on her Air pods.

I settle back and take a long, cold stare at my subject’s garage, front door, and windows.  I watch and wait for even the slightest hint of activity.  I might wait for eight hours, or I might wait for 8 minutes.  The moment I take my eyes off that garage and front door is the moment I miss something interesting that I should be getting on video tape.  Good quality video tape is very important in the world of surveillance investigation.

I am finding that this part/full-time job is hard, interesting, boring, complicated, exciting, satisfying, and nerve-wracking at times.

This new career field is two years in the making and very different from my former career of working on public policy/politics in the public and private sectors. Blame in on Nancy Drew, Encyclopedia Brown, or the TV show Hunter back in the 80s, but for whatever reason I have always been interested in figuring sh*&%$^t out in general, and PI work specifically.

I’m finally giving PI a try!

But here is where things take an interesting twist: 

What I thought might be a means to an end (gaining my PI license) has turned into something more than that: God is using this job to show me that I have many unhealthy fears that are subtly ruling over me.  I believe He wants to change me into a person who is not ruled by fear, able to let things go more easily, and is comfortable with less control, more change, more imperfection, and the unknown.  

But before I get into all of the introspection, below are a few things I am enjoying about my job as a surveillance investigator:

  • I am paid to spy on people and determine the truth about a subject.  My job is to record (and hopefully videotape) the activities of people who are alleging that they are unable to work.  Do they claim to have an elbow injury that renders them incapable of work, yet they have a job lifting boxes out of the back of a van?  Do they have a landscaping truck parked in their driveway yet claim to have a back injury and are getting paid worker’s compensation by another landscaping company?  I try to figure out if people committing insurance fraud, among other things.
  • I am learning a ton about the PI world and investigation in general. From finding information about the subject on public sites, to figuring out what a recent utility report means, to learning how to successfully perform mobile surveillance, etc.
  • I have learned the importance of living an honest life.  My job is to prove the truth. Sadly, so far, most of my claimants have not been truthful.  One man was walking with a visible limp due to a knee injury. Good for you bro!  Seems like working would be hard for you.  But most people I surveil seem to healed of their injury yet are still enjoying free money (and some are working other jobs).  This position makes me so grateful for the simple and honest life that I live.
  • Speaking of reports, I have learned how to write them!  More than that, how to serve a subpoena, how to read a comprehensive report, how to use my MacBook Pro and iPhone to my advantage, how to use Wondershare, how to use a covert camera disguised as a key fob, and the list goes on.  Do I love this tedious technology work?  Nope, not at all.  In fact, I hate it!  But it’s been good for me.  Using my brain in this way has made time go slower for me and it’s good exercise for my mind.  
  • There are great and helpful men out there!  Although my manager is a woman, I work with all men.  All of them have been so wonderful and helpful.  I have one co-worker who will literally read through all of my cases and help me figure things out.  Another one taught me a lot of little nuances that have been very beneficial to me when conducting mobile surveillance.  One sat with me on the phone for probably two hours trying to help me to figure out Wondershare.

So while I am thankful for the good things about this job, there are many more difficult aspects of this job as well.  I will not be writing about the difficulties of the job in this post, but rather, how this job exposes my many areas of weakness, most specifically my discomfort in the area of uncertainty and loss of control. Here are just a few areas of fear that I am currently becoming aware of:

Fear of a loss of control

I asked a very seasoned Surveillance Investigator what he loved about his job and he said “it’s different everyday.” You know what?  I am learning that I like things to be the same, so I can feel more in control of the situation, and so that I can navigate my job better and be more successful. 

This feeling of a loss of control is the hardest part about this job for me.  For example, I have no way to control what my subject does, his level of activity, or whether or not I will be able to obtain him performing various activities on video.  I can’t control if my subject drives his BMW 110 mph on the highway and quickly loses me struggling to keep up in my somewhat elderly SUV, or if he loses me in traffic due to a slow driver in-between us.  I can’t control if my subject’s version of “being active” means he goes to three different drive-through windows and then zooms right back into his garage, never to step one foot outside and I obtain zero video footage.

I am finding that the less control I have, the more anxiety it produces within me.  I kept noticing how my “stomach felt off” for several months before making the connection that I was just very anxious due to the lack of control I had over my job.  

Fear of the unknown  

This fear is the twin sister of the fear of loss of control.  If you don’t know what your subject is going to do that day, or if he is even actually living at the address you are surveilling, how can you feel confident and comfortable in your job?  Once your subject enters his vehicle and takes off, you have no idea where he is going and how far he will be driving.  He might even drive out of the state!  In our field, you need to “stay on your subject” even it means driving to a soccer tournament in Missouri. Yikes!

Fear of my own incompetence

This job has exposed that I have perfectionistic tendencies and that I don’t like learning a new job because it makes me “feel stupid.”  I have made many (usually) minor mistakes which I find embarrassing.  Although I have worked many part-time jobs over the years, this is my first almost full-time professional job in many years.  I am finding that I am behind the technology of our modern era, and in need of a major upgrade on all of my professional skills. 🙂

Fear of bosses

I like my boss and she’s great at what she does, but I sometimes find her style of communication to be difficult to read.  The way she communicates sometimes makes me “feel dumb” as she can lack grace or a sense of kindness as she communicates with me (or at least that is how I am perceiving her to be).  As a person who uses the smiley face emoji when I communicate via text in order to keep a positive vibe, this is hard for me.

Fear of wasting my time with this job  

I am also learning that it will be very hard for me to eventually get my PI license in the state of Illinois were I live. Why? Because I have to work full-time for one to two years (depending on how much time they knock off for my eduction) with a licensed PI firm or individual before I am even eligible to sit for the difficult PI exam. I am learning that surveillance investigation is one of the only ways to gain that investigative experience that I need before the exam. The other way to gain investigative experience is to latch onto an individual local PI (or local PI firm) who will train me on different forms of investigation and give me cases under their direct supervision.  I already tried that route and found it not feasible, though I am still open to going this route should the opportunity present itself. The bottom line is that if it turns out that surveillance investigation is the only way for me to gain the experience I would need, I don’t think I will be able to do it because I have been struggling with scoliosis my entire adult life, and sitting in my vehicle for long periods has been terrible for my back, legs, and overall health.

I sure hope that this job will not be a huge waste of time. But honestly, I have learned so much about both PI and myself that it will be worth it no matter what.

Fear of letting things slip with my kids

I am finding that the more hours I spend working, the less time I have for my husband and kids, and the management of my home (i.e. housework, which never dies). I find this to be stressful and the running to-do list in my head is always sending me mental text reminders.  I am always thinking about things I need to catch up on when I get home and how to connect with my kids.  I know every working mom knows how I feel and my troubles are small potatoes compared to some.

Which leads me to a conversation I had with my husband the other night.  

The other night Erik asked me if becoming a PI was my dream.  He said “if this is your dream, I will support you all the way.  If this is not your dream, it’s taking up a lot of time and it’s a strain on the family.  Time is flying and we are not getting any younger.  Figure out your dream and do it!”

Maybe his words were not that direct, but his words pierced directly into my heart.  He is correct.  If becoming a licensed PI is not ‘in the cards’ for me, or it’s too difficult for me to obtain in this season of life, then what am I doing?

His question led to other questions.  Here are four more:

If this job will not lead to my dream, why continue?

But what if I don’t know what my dream is?

Is PI work simply a part of a broader dream?

God, can you please show me what the heck my dream even is? And quickly please, because my back hurts.

One “potential dream” I have had in the back in my mind for many years is in the form of an idea to run for a political position one day.  I am currently doing nothing to advance that goal. Recently, the Alderman who lives in my neighborhood, whom I am friends with and have supported and worked for in the past, recently won her seat to our city’s Mayor position.  Good for her!  She encouraged me to apply for the Alderman position as she had to appoint one to take her place.  To make a long story short, I was not selected. Not getting selected threw me off and made me question what I am doing right now and whether or not this job is where I am supposed to be.  

So while I am waiting for further clarity, here is what I do know:

I am making progress on my many issues of fear, control, people-pleasing my boss, and more.

I am mainly doing this by asking myself deep and probing questions such as:

Heather, what are you really fearing?  What is the root?

Why are you trying so hard to stay in control?

What is the absolute worst that can happen if you cannot maintain control or you mess up in some way?

These questions have helped me to realize that my root fear of loss of control deals with my discomfort with not being good at something. That root boils down to a fear of rejection and my desire for acceptance from other people. I then apply what God would say about that fear.

God’s truth is that He loves me, He accepts me without any condition, He will help me, He is with me, and that He will work all things together for my good (even a job loss).  The worst that can happen in my job is that I will get fired and someone will completely reject me. I am trying to be comfortable internally with that possibility, even if it never happens.  

I can already tell a huge difference in my life since starting surveillance work over a year ago. I am no longer stressing out about things I cannot control. I just do the best I can and then pray about all the other areas that either don’t get done, don’t get done well, or that are above my pay grade. I can only be in control of myself. Everything else is not really my problem.

I can give everything else over to God and trust that He loves me and is working all things together for my good and His glory. Even when I think I have some level of control, it’s only a veneer anyway.

I will experience more peace if I do my best, and trust Him with the rest.

The bottom line of this post is this: I really don’t know where this job is going long-term, but I do know that it is being used in my life right now to change me into a more chill and relaxed but still a marginally Type-A person with goals and dreams, who is still trying to figure it all out. 🙂

In the meantime, if you see a nondescript car just sitting in your neighborhood with tinted windows, and it seems suspicious, it could be me just sitting there while I try to evaluate my life, my fears and my dreams. 

So come on over and knock on my window (everyone else does!) and say hello!

I probably need to use your restroom and stretch my back anyway!

_______________________

When It’s (not) Your Time to Go: A Closer Look At Beating Death

I can’t believe it has been 21 years since the Final Destination movie made its debut.  I enjoyed watching probably three of the five movies (FD2 was my favorite) and I used to clip and save miracle survival stories from newspapers and kept them in a file.    

The movies reveal humanity’s innate desire to be in control of all aspects of their life, including their appointed time of death, and even whether or not that appointment can be moved to a later date, or avoided altogether!

Lots of freak accidents that ended badly in these movies. (photo credit: final destination movie)
Watch out for them log trucks! (photo credit: final destination 2 movie)

This post is a shallow dive of all things related to time of death and whether or not it can be moved to a later date.  I also take a peek at a few of my favorite miracle survival stories, near death experiences, and one recorded instance of someone beating death in the Bible.

I will start this post with a personal story, add in some other amazing miracle survival stories, and then dig into the topic.

Several years ago, I was traveling with my three kids from the Washington, D.C. suburbs, where I lived at the time, up to Syracuse, New York, to visit family.  I was driving in my Acura SUV on Route 81 North, through the very high hills of the Scranton area of Pennsylvania.  I was driving about 65 mph down a very curvy mountain road when suddenly I rounded a blind corner and observed with horror that traffic had come to a complete standstill and in only one lane of traffic. I immediately slammed on my brakes and narrowly avoided hitting the car in front of me.  After my initial feeling of relief, another emotion quickly emerged and this exact thought entered my brain: “If an 18-wheeler rounds the bend after me, I am toast.”

Unfortunately, that is precisely what happened next.  I looked in my rearview mirror and noted with horror that, indeed, a large “Mack truck” as I used to call them was literally right behind my car, traveling at a high rate of speed.  It all happened so fast that I didn’t have time to react, so I just shut my eyes and braced for the worst.  Within a second, I could hear what sounded like loud pressure being released from the truck and could see huge plumes of smoke rising to the right of my car as the driver of this 18-wheeler barreled past me probably going 50 mph on the service lane, slamming on his brakes the whole time. 

The truck eventually came to a stop, traffic began to move, and I breathed a major sigh of relief and kept driving to Syracuse. I immediately prayed and thanked the Good Lord above for protecting me and my three kiddos that day on 81 North. 

It wasn’t my time to go that day, I am so very thankful to still be here. 

Boy Survives Lake Erie Plane Crash (9/4/2007)

One night a couple was sitting out on a Lake Erie beach, just enjoying the quiet evening.  Out of the night sky they noticed a plane’s taillight plunging into the Great Lake.  The man immediately hopped into his rowboat and frantically rowed out to the approximate place he had seen the lights disappear.  After 15 minutes of rowing around in the dark, a small hand appeared on the side of his rowboat.  He then pulled out a soaking wet seven year old boy, who had miraculously survived the plane crash.  The boy matter-of-factly told him his brother and dad had just perished, and the only reason he had survived is because his seat belt broke during the crash. (source: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/boy-survives-lake-erie-plane-crash/)

Miracle Baby Torn From Womb in Truck Wreck (12/21/2000)

A pregnant woman is involved in a serious truck accident, flies through the truck windshield, is dragged underneath the truck, and is found dead on the highway.  Her baby is found beside her, outside of her womb, still connected to the umbilical cord.  The baby is perfectly healthy and only bears a scratch on his knee.  (source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/2000/12/21/baby-torn-from-womb-in-crash-survives/27c0dac6-21e8-4172-95c9-11533d8f96d1/)

Tot Survives Five Days after Car Crashes, Mother Dies (1/28/2003)

A toddler survives five days by herself on little more than crackers (no water) while huddled near her dead mother inside a wrecked car amid freezing temperatures outside of Phoenix, Arizona.  A passing motorist just happened to see the wrecked vehicle, which was partially hidden behind some trees and down a ledge. They found the shivering toddler inside the vehicle. (source: https://www.eastvalleytribune.com/news/tot-survives-5-days-after-car-crashes-mother-dies/article_f3ff5dd2-d8e8-57dc-a64e-c568d1409d6d.html)

Illinois Pilot Walks Away From Plane That Landed Itself (12/12/97)

A pilot, overcome by carbon monoxide fumes, blacks out while flying his small airplane. Said plane flies itself via autopilot for 250 miles, until it runs out of gas, and then lands itself in a snowy field.  The man suffered a broken arm but woke up alive and puzzled, having not realized he had passed out while flying, or that his plane had self-landed. From the pilot: “If the plane hadn’t run out of gas, I probably would have had 30 more minutes in the air before I had died.”  

Crash Survivors Say ‘Prayer in the Water’ (5/11/1999)

Picture this: a plane takes off from an island off the Australian coast during a pounding rain storm and is more than five miles from shore when it crashes into the ocean, killing many on board.  However, there are six survivors who manage to swim to the surface, where they prayed together in the water and swam towards the shore in total darkness.  The small group swam against strong currents, jellyfish, shark-infestation, and blinding rain with only two life jackets between them.  Five of the six survivors finally made it to shore after six hours in open water.  One of the survivors was a pastor who, while treading water, called out to the small group of survivors right after the plane crashed and proclaimed: “if any of you have a faith in God, I would like to pray with you.”  Everyone prayed! (source: https://www.deseret.com/1999/5/10/19444749/5-survivors-tell-of-plane-crash-ocean-ordeal)

Before we dig into the meat of this post, I just need to make two points regarding the possibility of a fixed time of death. 

First, if you believe in a loving God, then you know that He is ultimately in control of everything, including when you are born and when you will ultimately die.  There are certainly things you can do within the context of free will which will lengthen or shorten your life.  For example, a person who commits suicide would have lived longer had he not committed suicide. A person who dies of lung cancer from smoking would not have died in the same way or at the same time if he had not smoked.  God allows much flexibility and free will within the context of His ultimate control over the universe.  

Second, there are at least four verses in the Bible that speak to a time limit we all have on the face of the earth, and the most compelling one comes from the book of Job, chapter 14 verse 5.  It says: a person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.  Also Psalm 139 states: your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  (Also check out Acts 17:26 and Ecclesiastes 3:1-2.)

There are five points I want to make about the topic of beating death, and I will start with what near death experiences reveal to us on this topic.

What near death experiences (NDEs) reveal about beating death, heaven, and hell:

I recently finished an amazing book called Imagine Heaven (link here:  https://www.amazon.com/Imagine-Heaven-Near-Death-Experiences-Exhilarating/dp/080101526X/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Imagine+heaven&qid=1616615937&sr=8-1) which has numerous miracle survival stories in NDE form.  Some of the men and women telling their stories were clinically dead for as little as a few minutes to as long as eight hours. Eight hours!  The author summarizes the whole of NDE experiences on page 26 of his book.  Here is an excerpt (I have cut and pasted for ease of reading):

“It begins with a dying man or woman.  He finds himself no longer in his physical body but still in the immediate surroundings.  He sees the spirits of deceased family and friends.  Then a being of light appears, brighter than the sun, who is described as uniquely and supremely warm and loving.  This loving being asks questions communicated through thoughts, leading him to examine his actions, often including a living replay of his entire life. Afterward, he encounters some sort of boundary, seemingly the border between earth life as he knows it and eternal life.  

But at the edge, he discovers he must return to earth because it is not yet his time to die.  He protests due to the feelings of peace, joy, and love he is experiencing but somehow finds himself back in his physical body and continues to live (paraphrase).”

Additionally, approximately 23% of NDE stories take the traveler in a different direction and they have a more hell-like experience.  There are a few variations of these horrific experiences, and this is a summary of the least reported variation: “the last type of hellish NDE usually involves feeling locked or trapped in a dark pit, cave, or under the earth, often accompanied by a putrid smell like feces, sulfur, or death. Demonic or evil creatures are often involved.” One NDE survivor had this to say: “Hell is a pit and there is darkness, but there is also fire.  I was in a place that the Bible refers to as outer darkness and it is not pretty.  Some people may just want to laugh this whole “hell business” off, but it is real.” (page 228.) 

Does prayer play a part in life extension?

There was one man who beat his time of death in the Bible, and his name is King Hezekiah (and to be precise, there were more people including Lazarus and Jesus who beat death in the Bible as well, but not in this specific way).  His story is told in Isaiah chapter 38 and also in 2 Kings chapter 20.  Here is a portion of his story:  

In those days, Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah, son of Amoz, went to him and said: “This is what the Lord says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die, you will not recover.”  Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, “Remember, Lord, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly.

Isaiah returned and said: “The Lord says, ‘go and say to Hezekiah, thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Behold, I will add fifteen years to your life.”  

According to the King James Version of 2 Kings chapter 20:3, this is what King Hezekiah prayed:  “I beseech thee, O Lord, remember now how I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight.” And Hezekiah wept sore.

Beseech is defined as to beg for urgently or anxiously.

So here we have at least one biblical example of someone begging God to extend their life, and God granting that request.  

When God says no to extending your life (Jesus’s example):

God doesn’t typically say yes to a time extension on a person’s life.  Did you know that Jesus himself actually asked his Father if he could bypass his death on the cross not once, but three times?  God said no to that request, but his divine “no” paved the way for millions of eternal souls to be fully reconciled to God through the forgiveness of their sins. 

Sometimes God says no for reasons we may not understand at the time.  During King Hezekiah’s time extension, a son (Manasseh) was born to him who later became king immediately after Hezekiah’s passing.  Unfortunately, Manasseh became Judah’s most wicked king. All the hard work and good changes his father had made were erased under his son Manasseh’s reign.  Like the butterfly effect, the extension of Hezekiah’s life certainly had its downsides. 

On a personal note, I have had several close friends die of cancer.  I prayed earnestly (as did they and many other people) and God declined to extend their life.  Does that mean God will never answer a prayer for more time?  Not at all, and I close this post with the one true life example I heard with a Hezekiah-like prayer many years ago. 

Last point: God may say yes to a time extension just so that a person may come to know Him personally and have a relationship with Him. 

What happens when we die anyway?

This question could take two blog posts, but here is the gist: again, it depends on what you believe but either you go into the ground and that’s it, or your spirit transitions to eternal life -either in heaven or hell. Here is a little incentive for belief in life after life: many NDE stories report a “being of light filled with love” who greets them when they arrive in heaven.  NDE accounts have been studied extensively and offered as proof of spiritual life after physical death.  There is an eternal home waiting for those who know Jesus Christ as Lord.  The ones that reach heaven want to stay because it is so incredibly beautiful, loving, and filled with an indescribable joy. And the “being” (it’s Jesus by the way) that loves them perfectly is there too, as well as many relatives who have passed.  All departed friends and relatives whom they encounter are reported to be “in their prime” physically and very much happy and filled with joy. 

Going to heaven is the mother of all “taking the red pill” analogies and most do not wish to come back to earth (many would like to stay but are torn because of their loved ones).

How to beat death for real:

Jesus came to die on the cross and atone for the sins of mankind, so that through repentance and faith in Him, we can all have eternal life.  Jesus himself beat death.  Here’s the kicker though: he did not actually “beat” physical death – he beat eternal death.  He paved the way for everyone to experience eternal life!   

John 11:25-26: Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die, and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

1 John 5:13: “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.”

Two last stories before we close which perfectly blend both delaying our time of death if it’s not our time to go, with a Hezekiah-type prayer for more time.  Both of these concepts are possible with God!

Tom Papania was a high ranking mafia leader who answered directly to Paul Castellano (the head of a prominent mafia family) in the 1980s.  One day Tom had an encounter with a pastor who led him to a relationship with Jesus Christ. Tom was completely changed and left the mafia.  Unfortunately, Paul Castellano put out a contract on Tom’s life but by some miracle, that contract was never fulfilled. Later, while Tom was in prison, he met the three assassins who were hired to kill him and who attempted to take his life many times.  These three professional hit-men relayed to Tom that they had come to his home many times, set up remote controlled bombs under his bedroom window, and attempted to detonate them.  Strangely, the bombs would never detonate.  The three men would then test them later and they would very easily detonate.  They would repeat the process several more times, but not one bomb ever exploded.  

God had a purpose for keeping Tom alive, and it had something to do with the three men.  In addition to a thriving ministry, Tom led all three men to Christ, and each ended up leading many more men to the Lord.  (To listen to his amazing story, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ng_wf89jQBQ.  The part about his assassins is found at the 1:25 minute mark.)

Finally, my friend shared a story about how his mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer but had outlived her doctor’s diagnosis by ten years.  After she had finally passed due to the cancer, her family decided to clean out the attic and found some of her old journals.  They started to randomly leaf through her journals when they came upon a prayer detailing her terminal diagnosis. They read more of her prayers and were stunned to discover this one:

“Please Lord, give me ten more years to live.”

They looked at the date of the prayer recorded in the journal, and then compared it with her date of death. 

The date of the journal entry was exactly ten years before she died.

“I beseech thee, O Lord, remember now how I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight.”

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PS: Below are the five articles I used for this post that I clipped so many years ago! And a bonus at the end!

What I love about this story is that this brave man (Chuck Herndon) just rushed into his rowboat and rowed around for 15 minuets in the dark in open water, hoping that a miracle would occur. And it did! Of course I feel badly for his dad and brother who perished in the crash, but glad this little seven year old made it out.
Even law enforcement called this a miracle story. A person cannot survive more than three days without water.
I clipped this article while I worked on Capitol Hill and showed my boss, Senator Bob Smith. He was such a great guy he would actually write little comments on almost everything I gave to him and then he would give them back to me, to let me know he read them and cared. He was and is a great guy.
Love that the paper actually said “Miraculous Survival.” Can you imagine swimming five miles in the pitch dark through shark infestation, jellyfish, and strong currents? I can’t. Glad they made it out. Several did not.
I agree! The man who survived won the lottery!
Bonus! My cat sat on the articles while I was working! ha

Never saw Final Destination?  The popular movie series can be summed up this way (Wiki): 

All five films center around a small group of people who escape impending death when one individual (the protagonist of each film) has a sudden premonition and warns them that they will all die in a terrible mass-casualty accident. After avoiding their foretold deaths, the survivors are killed one by one in bizarre accidents caused by an unseen force creating complicated chains of cause and effect.

What I am telling myself at the start of 2021

2020 was a hard and unnerving year for many. 2021 is starting out even worse with the events of the breach of the Capitol building, the overall uncertainty for many with the integrity of the election, a potentially worse strain of COVID along with much loss of life, palatable division in the land, dealing with kids at home all the time, and the list goes on.  

I have been texting and messaging with friends and family over the last several weeks about the events of November 3rd and beyond in an attempt to keep up with the latest news regarding national events and otherwise. I don’t think I have ever watched so many youtube video clips or viewed so many twitter screenshots in my entire life!

I believe what I am looking for in these texts and messages is a sign that everything is going to be ok. That 2021 will be better than 2020.  

Scrolling through Facebook the other day, I saw the following meme (or is it GIF?) that made me laugh out loud and yet revealed an underlying nervousness about the start of the New Year:  

I think the above meme reveals what many people are now questioning: will 2021 be another difficult and uncertain year?

Before we dive in, I have just one qualifier. This will not be a political post, but rather a reflective post to point myself back to what really matters. I would ask that you keep your negative comments to a minimum and try to be open to hearing my heart speak.  

The following post is about what I am telling myself truly matters at the start of 2021. If you would like to hear what I have to say, then feel free to read on.

For me, what really matters is this: 

Do I know and trust God? And am I living in such a way that pleases him?

Right after the events of November 3rd, I texted a friend and asked him for his opinion on what would happen in the coming weeks. He skillfully transitioned the text away from the election and on to what really matters. This was his response:

“But take heart, God is in control. And if we are nearing the end, then things will get a lot worse. But in the end, we shall stand before him and none of this will matter.”

I sat there for a moment with his last sentence and let it sink into my soul:

But in the end, we shall stand before him and none of this will matter.

His text reminded me of an interview I did with my friend Marla on how to be prepared for emergency situations. I was really digging her out on practical ways to successfully survive the Zombie Apocalypse (which sadly doesn’t seem so far-fetched anymore). I think my question was indicative of my need for security, and for definitive answers.  

Instead, Marla gave me a non-answer.  Or rather, a God-answer. Here is the short exchange:

Me: “Marla, let’s talk The Walking Dead.  End of the World.  Zombie Apocalypse.  What then?”

Marla: “Honestly, you’re a goner.  I mean, there is nothing you can do for that stuff.  It’s going to be chaos and mayhem.  And you have the Lord; like….that’s it (and really, what more do you need?).  Your days are numbered; he knows when your end is going to be.” 

I remember sitting with that response as well; her words sinking into my soul.

You have the Lord.  Like that’s it.  And really, what more do you need?

So what am I telling myself during the beginning of 2021?  The same thing I told myself all throughout 2020: 

I have the Lord, and he is all I need. I will stand before him in the end.  

As some of you know, I have worked in politics for most of my adult life, minus my stay at home parent tenure and the last two years as I have transitioned into a career in private investigation. Like every person reading this post, I have survived both Democrat and Republican presidencies.  I plan on surviving again (and actively praying for) the next administration.

I recall the time immediately after George W. Bush had won the White House and also had Republican majorities in both the House and the Senate.  I was working on Capitol Hill at the time as a Senate staffer, and watched as many Republicans were elated and popping champagne with the winning hand they had been dealt. The champagne continued to flow until May 24, 2001, when Vermont Republican James Jeffords shocked his colleagues and the nation by announcing that he would leave his party to become an Independent and would caucus with the Democratic Party.  His action returned Democrats to the majority.  Never before the 107th Congress had party control formally shifted within the course of a two-year congressional term. (word for word source: https://www.senate.gov/artandhistory/history/minute/unforgettable_107th_congress.htm#:~:text=The%202000%20election%20also%20produced,breaking%20vote%20on%20organizational%20matters.)

Right after Jeffords announced his party switch, I remember sitting outside and feeling depressed.  

Guess what? That was 20 years ago.  And I survived all these many years later.  

Here are the principles I am keeping in mind as we begin 2021: First, I am called to love God above all else.  Second, I am called to love my neighbor/family/friend/enemy as I love myself.  Finally, God is in control of 2021, even if things seem out of control.  He is a stronghold in the day of trouble.  

Here are a few verses I am dwelling on as we begin this new year:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul…love your neighbor as yourself.  Matthew 22:37

The Lord has established His throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. Psalm 103:19

So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. Romans 14:12

So given the fact that God is in control, am I trusting that he is in control of what is happening in our country and praying for things that need to be prayed about? Am I letting fear rule over me?  

And in the vein of loving my neighbor — instead of disagreeing with someone on Facebook, am I praying for them?  Am I kind to them?  Do I reach out to build a relationship with them or just leave a comment to prove a point?

I remember sitting down with a family member this past summer and asking him what he thought about COVID and all the ongoing uncertainty of 2020.  I was surprised at what he said:

“I think this is a time for repentance.”

Perhaps that is true!

The other night I woke up with a burden to pray for our country and all of the events transpiring.  I felt led to read out of the book of Nahum (of all random books), and here are the three verses that stood out to me:

The Lord is slow to anger and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked.  The Lord is GOOD, a stronghold in the day of trouble; And He knows those who trust in Him.  But with an overwhelming flood He will make an utter end of its place, and darkness will pursue his enemies.”  (Nahum 1: 3, 7, 8)

I think people don’t realize that God sees all and will eventually judge all.  He will judge the wicked in his time and in his way.  Maybe we will see the results on earth, maybe we won’t. 

All I have is here and now. I am reminding myself that the most important thing is that I know and love the Lord, and my ultimate confidence comes from God. He is an ever present help in times of trouble!  And I will stand before him in the end.

Presidents will come.  Presidents will go.  Mitch McConnell and Chuck Schumer will eventually retire.  COVID will eventually end (God-willing).  American life may or may not go back to “normal.”  

Maybe you feel that the election was stolen. Maybe you feel that the election was free and fair, and there are a bunch of people trying to undermine the process. No matter where you stand, I still say this: God is in control and has the last word, even with respect to the election.  We can certainly pray and put our trust in him.

For those who are feeling confident, I say to you: do you know the Lord?  Is it possible that God is using the difficulty and uncertainty of these times to open your eyes and draw you to himself and show you that you need him?

For those who are in despair, I say to you: do you know the Lord?  Is it possible that God is using the difficulty and uncertainty of these times to open your eyes and draw you to himself and show you that you need him?

Things could get a lot worse before they get better. 2021 could be more difficult than 2020.

But guess what?  I am choosing to trust!  I will trust the process and trust in God!

So cheers to 2021!  Why?  Because I have the Lord, and my confidence and hope come from him.  In the end, I will give an account of my life.  He will give me the strength and grace to get through whatever may come. I need to focus on what I know I can and should do: love God and love people.  And trust in him!

And that, my Dear Reader, is what I am telling myself. 

And in the words of my dear friend Marla:

You have the Lord.  Like that’s it.  

And really, what more do you need?

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To read Marla’s post on emergency preparedness, click here: Interview with a Preparedness Expert/Mom

To read about ways I am finding peace during uncertain times, click here: The Purge, Preparedness, Prayer and Prophets – Finding Peace during uncertain times.

Looking for something a little lighter to read? Here is the story of my unique journey to Capitol Hill many years ago: From the valley to the hill (part 1). By the way, this was my first published blog post!

“The Lord has established His throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.” Psalm 103:19